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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hate being referred to as 'girls'!

65 replies

maybabymaybe · 21/05/2025 15:29

a straightforward AIBU and a question - does anyone else have a bad reaction to being referred to as 'girls' and if you did would you mention it? I'm talking about within a friendship group and it's not done with malice or to patronise.... But I'm a grown up mother, with a job, and many many hard, painful responsibilities and I feel I've earnt some wisdom and I don't miss being a girl or even a young woman! Would you tell friend this is how you feel or is it best to ignore?

OP posts:
GYBE4 · 21/05/2025 16:20

Unless someone is deliberately trying to be patronising, I don't give a shit.

Kissedbyfire1 · 21/05/2025 16:18

I have a friend who does this. She’s the only one in our group who does it and it really grates. Everything is “thanks girls” or “have fun girls” etc. We are all professional women, mix of ages. It’s like nails on a blackboard. I don’t mind it in the abstract so much, like “girls night out” or something, but not when it’s directed at us specifically.
Friend is a primary school teacher and tends to say it in her teacher voice, so maybe it’s that Grin.

Redpeach · 21/05/2025 16:16

Couldn't care less

Aria2015 · 21/05/2025 16:15

Genuinely doesn't bother me but I think if it did, it would have to REALLY bother me for me to raise it with friends. If it's just mildly irritating to you and not meant in a condescending way or meant to upset or offend, I'd just accept that different people using different terminology for stuff and shrug it off.

nyancatdays · 21/05/2025 16:14

I’d let it go - it’s irritating on her part, but not unreasonable as it’s a common usage. Rise above!

Berlinlover · 21/05/2025 16:12

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

notatinydancer · 21/05/2025 16:11

Doesn’t bother me

5128gap · 21/05/2025 16:07

Depends on how much it bothered me. Women referring to other women within their friendship group as girls is very normal. It's not intended to patronise or infantalise, it's just something a lot of women do. It would need to really grate on me before I asked my friends to stop doing something so ordinary, because they will probably think its a bit weird of you and will forget and feel awkward.

DancingHippos · 21/05/2025 16:07

I think girls should be only used referring to people up to 20 years old or women in their 70s plus who arrange card/ bring n share/ bingo nights

Enderwhere · 21/05/2025 16:07

I think it's weird to be bothered by this, it's not being used on any kind of bad way and you can't really police such petty things about how people chose to speak

CoffeeCantata · 21/05/2025 16:03

For me, it depends on the context and who's doing it. I think within friendship groups I wouldn't mind - it's a bit of joke now we're all...er...mature. But at work or say, in a hobby group I'd bridle a bit.

In a broader sense I do find life in 2025 a bit of a minefield. People seem to object and take offence to so many forms of address - I sometimes think they're just trying to 'woker than thou' and competing to find something to get het up about.

Ladies, girls, guys, folks, people etc etc - I've seen indignant moans about them all on here. I don't mind most of the time as long as there's no intention to offend.

I never mind people calling me 'love' either!

tootyflooty · 21/05/2025 15:39

I'm about to hit 60, when I message my various friends on WhatsApp, I refer to them as the gals, or girlies, and if I talk to others about my various friends groups, I refer to them as , ( for example) ,my antenatal girls. I'm not old enough to be referred to as a lady lol!!

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 15:33

It depends on context. If an elderly lady said, "Let's go girls!" to a group of women much younger than her, I wouldn't mind.

If my mum said the same to her daughters, I wouldn't mind.

If a man said "Mind the language in front of the girls." I'd be pissed off.

Boredlass · 21/05/2025 15:32

I really don’t care. Men at work are called the boys all the time

CharlotteSometimes1 · 21/05/2025 15:31

I’ve told people at work that I don’t like it, but not friends, somehow that feels more awkward.