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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hate being referred to as 'girls'!

65 replies

maybabymaybe · 21/05/2025 15:29

a straightforward AIBU and a question - does anyone else have a bad reaction to being referred to as 'girls' and if you did would you mention it? I'm talking about within a friendship group and it's not done with malice or to patronise.... But I'm a grown up mother, with a job, and many many hard, painful responsibilities and I feel I've earnt some wisdom and I don't miss being a girl or even a young woman! Would you tell friend this is how you feel or is it best to ignore?

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 21/05/2025 17:27

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:25

Why would you be pissed off with the third example but not the other 2?

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Probably because men can't do anything right on mn. Being protective of women even in a clumsy way is frowned upon.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 17:27

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:25

Why would you be pissed off with the third example but not the other 2?

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I would find the third example infantalising and patronising.

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:25

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 15:33

It depends on context. If an elderly lady said, "Let's go girls!" to a group of women much younger than her, I wouldn't mind.

If my mum said the same to her daughters, I wouldn't mind.

If a man said "Mind the language in front of the girls." I'd be pissed off.

Why would you be pissed off with the third example but not the other 2?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 21/05/2025 17:20

Doesn't bother me except in a work situation if it's used in a minimising way.

lazyarse123 · 21/05/2025 17:19

I'm retired but when I worked, just last year, we had girls nights our ages from 22 to 65 no one was offended or if they were nobody said anything. I also called the boys exactly that because compared to my great age that's what they are.
Nobody died.

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 17:17

ohtowinthelottery · 21/05/2025 16:34

I always refer to days out or holidays with female friends as "girls trips" and we're in our 60's. It would sound odd to say "ladies trip".

What's wrong with just "a trip" or (if absolutely necessary) "a friends trip"?
Why do they need to be patronised as either a girl or a lady?

3ormorecharacters · 21/05/2025 17:17

Personally I don't like it. To me it belongs in a category with the word "hubby" and activities like getting your nails done or going to bottomless brunches 😂 nothing wrong with those things of course, they just aren't things that jibe with me! If I'm addressing a group of female friends I tend to use "gang" or at a stretch "ladies".

MushMonster · 21/05/2025 17:17

I do not mind it all.

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 17:15

You're not wrong, OP, but almost as bad is when a fellow middle-aged woman sends a group message beginning "Hello Ladies"..... 🤮

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/05/2025 17:13

As long as it’s not being used in a patronising way I don’t think much of it. There isn’t really a more palatable alternative. Ladies is twee; “come on, women” sounds a bit odd; plenty of women object to being called guys or folks; gang doesn’t work well in most circumstances.

Chloe793 · 21/05/2025 17:12

I love it, it makes me feel younger than my 50 years!. Not from creepy old men of course, but from friends.

latetothefisting · 21/05/2025 17:09

CurlewKate · 21/05/2025 17:01

Just reading the thread to see if I was right…

Go on then, I'll take the bait, is it that you don't believe that men being referred to as boys happens and people who say that is common usage in their area are lying (not sure what for, internet cool girl points?), or that you accept it is something that is said but isn't the same as women being referred to as girls (and if so why?)

latetothefisting · 21/05/2025 17:05

It depends on the context
My mum referring to her daughters as her girls or a friend saying girls night out, fine.
Mainly because I live somewhere where it is equally common to say "out with the lads/boys holiday" even if said lads are in their 60s, so have never considered it to be infantilising/derogatory.

Otoh I had a boss who referred to colleagues as "those silly girls" which obviously wasn't appropriate.

DilemmaDelilah · 21/05/2025 17:02

I'm 64, my husband is 71. My dental receptionist, and the person behind the counter at our fish and chip shop both call us 'lovely'. As in 'did you want to make another appointment lovely' and 'thank you lovely'. We both hate it! Much worse than being called 'girls' in my opinion. Mind you I grew up one of three sisters and we were always called 'the girls', so I guess I'm used to it.

CurlewKate · 21/05/2025 17:01

Just reading the thread to see if I was right…

CurlewKate · 21/05/2025 16:59

I absolutely agree with you @maybabymaybeBut be prepared to hear that other women love it, don’t you have anything else to worry about, of course it’s perfectly usual to refer to groups of middle aged men as “boys”, that you’re a fun sponge, or even that you should take it as a compliment…

smallsilvercloud · 21/05/2025 16:54

In friendship group no problem, in a professional environment said normally by older men describing the girl in the office etc I really hate. Call me young lady though at 45 flattery will get you everywhere.

Musicaltheatremum · 21/05/2025 16:37

61 nearly 62. Couldn't care less. There are bigger things to worry about.

Apksbdv · 21/05/2025 16:36

I wouldn’t bother with friends; at work I don’t accept it from men which is where it often seems to come from.

hydriotaphia · 21/05/2025 16:36

If it is said by a fellow woman in a way that is evidently meant to be friendly, I would ignore it personally

Lmnop22 · 21/05/2025 16:35

Aren’t they just saying it because it’s a group of females so it’s a “girls night” or “hey girls, let’s go for lunch soon?” or similar?

It’s obviously not a reflection on you being a young carefree person, just a collective phrase for a group of female people….

I would just try and relax about it or seethe for a second alone and then shake it off - not worth mentioning it and having people fall over themselves to try and remember not to phrase messages in those terms etc/forgetting and then feeling guilty.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 16:35

I don't mind.

I am currently trying to stop myself from saying 'girlypop', i think that would annoy you more 😄

ohtowinthelottery · 21/05/2025 16:34

I always refer to days out or holidays with female friends as "girls trips" and we're in our 60's. It would sound odd to say "ladies trip".

Redpeach · 21/05/2025 16:23

There was a sitcom years ago called the golden girls, is that allowed?

ginasevern · 21/05/2025 16:21

It really depends on the context. I don't object to the term "a girls' holiday" anymore than I'd worry about a "lads holiday/night out". To be honest it really doesn't bother me at all. I would if a man used it in a highly derogatory way but (although I've taken my fair share of shit from men) I've never actually encountered that.