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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hate being referred to as 'girls'!

65 replies

maybabymaybe · 21/05/2025 15:29

a straightforward AIBU and a question - does anyone else have a bad reaction to being referred to as 'girls' and if you did would you mention it? I'm talking about within a friendship group and it's not done with malice or to patronise.... But I'm a grown up mother, with a job, and many many hard, painful responsibilities and I feel I've earnt some wisdom and I don't miss being a girl or even a young woman! Would you tell friend this is how you feel or is it best to ignore?

OP posts:
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arcticpandas · 27/05/2025 11:24

I wouldn't care if it wasn't said in a patronising/demeaning manner ofcourse. But then I wouldn't like "women" being said in that way either. Have got bigger fish to fry than semantics.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 27/05/2025 11:20

CurlewKate · 21/05/2025 19:02

Well, there is something inherently wrong with infantilising people.

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There is something inherently wrong with being obsessed with how other people may want to be referred to.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/05/2025 19:41

When she was over 80 dh’s old aunt still referred to her similar-aged bridge cronies as ‘the girls’ .

I can’t say it’d bother me, OP.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 19:35

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 19:33

Yeh you said

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Then stop asking the same question.

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 19:33

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 18:07

For the fourth time, I would find it infantalising and patronising.

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Yeh you said

CurlewKate · 21/05/2025 19:02

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 17:33

It's a preference, it's fine to dislike it but there is also nothing inherently wrong with it unless you try really hard.

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Well, there is something inherently wrong with infantilising people.

Dangermoo · 21/05/2025 18:18

I don't get the issue with "ladies".

Murdoch1949 · 21/05/2025 18:15

I'm the same about 'ladies'.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 18:07

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 18:06

Just interesting that you use females for the examples you’d be ok with but the example you wouldn’t be ok with you use a male even though you say if a female also said it you wouldn’t be ok with it

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For the fourth time, I would find it infantalising and patronising.

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 18:06

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 18:03

For the third time. I would find the last comment infantalising and patronising no matter who said it.

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Just interesting that you use females for the examples you’d be ok with but the example you wouldn’t be ok with you use a male even though you say if a female also said it you wouldn’t be ok with it

Dangermoo · 21/05/2025 18:04

Wouldn't bother me as I don't see it as derogatory.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 18:03

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:55

What if the elderly lady told a man not to swear in front of the girls? (You)

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For the third time. I would find the last comment infantalising and patronising no matter who said it.

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:55

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 17:49

I'm a middle aged woman and don't need protection from swearing. It's infantalising and patronising.

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What if the elderly lady told a man not to swear in front of the girls? (You)

CookingFatCat · 21/05/2025 17:55

Bothers me more being referred to as guys.

CookingFatCat · 21/05/2025 17:55

Bothers me more being referred to as guys.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 17:49

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:46

But he’s being kind to you, he’s not saying it with any malice. Surely an elderly lady or your mum saying it would be infantilising?

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I'm a middle aged woman and don't need protection from swearing. It's infantalising and patronising.

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:46

lazyarse123 · 21/05/2025 17:27

Probably because men can't do anything right on mn. Being protective of women even in a clumsy way is frowned upon.

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That’s what I thought.

Coconutter24 · 21/05/2025 17:46

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 17:27

I would find the third example infantalising and patronising.

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But he’s being kind to you, he’s not saying it with any malice. Surely an elderly lady or your mum saying it would be infantilising?

MinnieMountain · 21/05/2025 17:36

I find it infantilising. Whether or not it pisses me off enough to say something depends on the context.

Indigopetal · 21/05/2025 17:34

It's not something I can find myself to get worked up about. My mum is a 71 year old retired grandmother who was out for lunch with the "girls" today!

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 17:33

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 17:17

What's wrong with just "a trip" or (if absolutely necessary) "a friends trip"?
Why do they need to be patronised as either a girl or a lady?

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What is wrong with 'girls trip' if the person does not mind?

Why police other people's language just because you have issues?

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 17:33

CurlewKate · 21/05/2025 16:59

I absolutely agree with you @maybabymaybeBut be prepared to hear that other women love it, don’t you have anything else to worry about, of course it’s perfectly usual to refer to groups of middle aged men as “boys”, that you’re a fun sponge, or even that you should take it as a compliment…

It's a preference, it's fine to dislike it but there is also nothing inherently wrong with it unless you try really hard.

Readytohealnow · 21/05/2025 17:32

I hate it.
I remember being asked by my midwife what I wanted to be called while in labour with my son and I said just my name is fine, but please don’t call me ‘clever girl’ between contractions, I have a pHD and I am almost 40’ 🤣🤣🤣 she roared with laughter

tipsyraven · 21/05/2025 17:30

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/05/2025 17:13

As long as it’s not being used in a patronising way I don’t think much of it. There isn’t really a more palatable alternative. Ladies is twee; “come on, women” sounds a bit odd; plenty of women object to being called guys or folks; gang doesn’t work well in most circumstances.

Edited

Agree with this. I hate ‘ladies’ with a passion. Only one close friendship group refers to us all as girls and it is done somewhat tongue in cheek.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 17:29

lazyarse123 · 21/05/2025 17:27

Probably because men can't do anything right on mn. Being protective of women even in a clumsy way is frowned upon.

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Patronising arseholes can't do anything right.