Gender ideology is toxic and creates divisions

@Lmnop22 If using certain pronouns and calling your child by a name that makes them feel comfortable is what makes them happy, then why can’t you do it whilst still making sure they’re exploring whether this is right, obtaining help from a professional in getting to the bottom of the conflicting feelings around transitioning and body dysmorphia?

But just because something makes your child happy today doesn't mean it's good for them in the long term.
I happen to believe -actually, that's too weak, I happen to KNOW - that thinking you are beyond biology and can be neither male nor female, or can change from one to another - is no more a recipe for long term happiness than eating sweets all day every day is a recipe for long term health or staying up all night gaming is a recipe for good school marks.

My children may prefer to eat sweets all day every day or stay up gaming. I am the adult however. It is not my job to be their friend.

Of course. But as language is a shared, collective endeavour it requires the consent of the majority to change, which is why language evolution is so slow.

What the gender cult has done to language isn’t evolution. It’s imposed against the will of the majority. It’s coerced speech. It’s not new or additional words, it’s making words mean their exact opposite, to distort and deceive.

But if I use the word cis to describe myself a LOT of people will leap on me and tell me I'm wrong.

Language is in flux constantly. It isn't unchanging and monolithic.

Oof.

Of course you can define it - a woman is someone who identifies as an adult female, a man is someone who identifies as an adult male and a non binary individual identifies as neither an adult female nor an adult male

Nope, that tells me HOW you become a man or woman gender, not the defining characteristics that make up those genders. So how is man gender and woman gender defined? What are the defining characteristics?

So much wrong with this post.

Man, woman, male, female aren’t identities. They are words that describe material reality.

Gender isn’t assigned at birth.

And I don’t believe that a trans identity is real any more than I think a cat identity is real or a Napoleon identity is real. Real inside someone’s head, perhaps. Not materially real.

Not every reality-denier is cultish, I agree. Those who seek to split children from their parents parents certainly are.

Only one side is toxic. And that’s not the OP’s side.

I think you are doing the right thing with your daughter for now. This may be a phase and she will hopefully grow out of it, and you are right to keep her safe by not letting her bind or socially affirming her.

If she persists into adulthood you may have to re-think some things like her name, even if it pains you to do so.

I disagree with you about the sub-reddit though. Someone had to create that and someone has to give up their time to moderate it. Lots of subs have rules- I'm on a few which are really strict and regularly delete posts (but usually make the sub easier to use and less prone to derailing as a result). They made the effort, so they can make the rules. You've found somewhere else where you can make your points- here.

Were you messaging the mods about your ban?

Edit - Ah, yes, you were. The ban is for a direct message you sent to someone. Not your opinions on the thread.

I think both sides of this debate are extremely toxic. It's so sad. And to the OP while of course no one can or should force you to call your child by a different name, I do wonder if not using the chosen name (and the chosen pronouns) will cause a rift.

Of course you can define it - a woman is someone who identifies as an adult female, a man is someone who identifies as an adult male and a non binary individual identifies as neither an adult female nor an adult male.

I didn’t realise we were presupposing that the starting point was that there is no such thing as genuine trans identity and everyone who identifies as a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth is a member or victim, knowingly or otherwise, of a cult.

Because that’s bonkers.

We may not understand, it might not be true in all case, I agree a degree of caution and exploration is certainly advisable and we may not be able to know why some people trans identify because it’s not in our direct frame of reference but it’s genuine!

Let's just say taking T can cause problems for females sexual health, skin, bone health.

How awful. What sort of health problems?

My cousin who's child transitioned worried about this. Her child since detransitioned, but her time taking testosterone has left her with multiple health problems (she has since stopped but the problems are ongoing).

So it's an absolute minefield for parents.

But realise that your statement sounds like quite the threat, quite the way to ensure the parent does exactly what the child demands, even when going against the child’s best interests

If that's how you perceive it, then fine, nothing I can do about that. The point is that respect is earned, and you neither earn any or deserve any by mere dint of the fact you are a parent.

You earn respect by treating someone respectfully yourself, and if you fail to do that, it's not the other person's fault when it turns out they have zero respect for you.

You might think "well, I'm in the right, and I only have their best interests in mind", but a person with a wholly different viewpoint to you will not see it that way, and you wont get anywhere with grown adults by trying to pull rank on them and intimidating them into acquiescing to your world view, so it's no less ridiculous to expect to do the same with teens and have them simply accept it.

Its not a bloody identity, because no one can define woman gender, man gender or non-binary gender. How can you identify as something you cant define? It's a cult.

I feel for you OP. Autistic children are so vulnerable to this ideology. Gender ideology is toxic, regressive, homophobic, I could go on….

You are doing the right thing by not going along with it and I hope that in the future, your daughter realises and accepts that she is a girl and that you were helping her.

I feel very awkward around pronoun changes and I agree there are cultlike and toxic elements within this movement, but I also see that in the other 'side' who seem unwilling to recognise that however odd and difficult to define and pin down, there have always been people who have what we would now call a transgender identity. I think the fact that it's occurred through history indicates that there's something going on for these people where they just feel uncomfortable with their sex characteristics and happier if they can change aspects of that. IMO that is not a 'sex change' but it is a real thing, and it's not just about confused teens and adult male perverts - although there are a few of those around.

It's exploded among the young I think primarily due to social media and for many of them it's not going to be a permanent thing, and it may indicate other stuff going on. I'm glad we've got back to a place where young people are being protected from going down a path that may be harmful for them, before they have the maturity of understanding to make those choices. Sports and single sex spaces are important too and again I'm glad we've been able to push back on that, even if I think some of the GC types are actually quite bigoted. We do owe them that debt.

With the recent court cases, we've entered a new stage and it would be great if that could be one with maturity and understanding from everyone involved. We can dream, anyway.

If you've found a way that works with your child then that's great. But as children get older, obviously they're going to be making their own choices and you may not always agree with them. I don't think we own the rights on how our children express their identity. But equally it should be possible to find a respectful way to deal with each other, and hopefully you have. So I wish you all the best with everything.

It’s irrelevant when discussing the cult of gender. Do some research. Those of us who have have seen time and again the tactics used.

But realise that your statement sounds like quite the threat, quite the way to ensure the parent does exactly what the child demands, even when going against the child’s best interests.

In the gender cult only parents who are under the thumb of the cult are welcome.

And when you lose your child? Are you going to be feeling like you were right to disregard their views?

Its not irrelevant when the context is that several posters have pointed out to OP that being steadfastly determined to be at loggerheads with your child tends not to end well for the parent.

That’s all entirely irrelevant to this discussion, @XDownwiththissortofthingX, which is about the cult of gender seeks to split children from their parents, as cults often do.

Sometimes it's the child who benefits from "breaking" a relationship with a parent. Certainly was the case with me and my mother.

She wasn't physically abusive, she wasn't entirely dysfunctional herself, and I'm sure if you asked her she'd insist she only ever had my "best interest" at heart, but she completely refused to respect me as a human being or an individual in any way, would not accept any of my choices, derided my views, absolutely insisted that I follow ridiculously constricting "rules" or face the consequences, mocked the clothes I wore, implied my friends were delinquent or criminal while making no attempt whatsoever to interact with them or find out who they really were in reality, she used to gripe constantly to my father about petty things I may have or may not have done that had got her back up (most of them completely imaginary), and thought nothing of making cruel and thoughtless observations and remarks that served no purpose whatsoever.

How can I respect anyone that plainly has no respect for me? The fact she birthed me, and then did the bare minimum to feed, clothe, and parent me doesn't in itself merit respect. These are things you accept that you commit to when you choose to have a child.

At 17 I realised that I could never repair the relationship she had utterly broken with her own ignorance, so I left home, never looked back, and lo and behold she continued with her total indifference for the rest of her life, never once made any effort whatsoever to contact me, so I left her to it because it just served to remind me she absolutely was the domineering tyrant I'd always thought she was when I was a teenager. When you are a teen you sometimes wonder if the person you perceive to be an arsehole is, in fact, an arsehole, or whether it's just that you lack world experience and insight, and this is the way of it for all people, and it's actually your perception that is skewed. Sometimes the person you perceive as an arsehole is actually an arsehole, and I realised I was entirely justified when I left home, finally had freedom of thought, action, and association, and realised that no, the vast majority of people are perfectly human, and my mother was indeed an irrational, controlling, horrible human being.