To not want to take feral 16 month old to toddler group?

It's normal. I'd keep going so he learns how to behave in the groups. Parents will be less understanding when he gets older so best to keep at it now. It will also be harder for you to manage when he gets bigger and stronger.

Omg this brought back memories. My one year old was like this - if there was ever somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be at a group he’d be obsessed with being there. Also went through a phase of just wanting to run for the doors. I had friends who liked going to a softplay at a leisure centre and I had to stop going for ages with them as my one would never stay on the softplay and just wanted to be wandering around near the doors. Used to drive me mad!

If it makes you feel any better he’s a bright, funny and mostly well behaved four year old now who actually thrives in a structured group - football, dance and swimming lessons!

I have two (somewhat feral) girls, 3 and 1, and have always avoided structured classes. I used to go to stay and play gymnastic classes with my 3 year old (optional warm up / cool down, then just running around on the equipment (supervised) and a bouncy castle, with as much or as little structure as you wanted). She now does the pre-school class by herself (no parents) which is more structured but she’s grown out of doing he opposite of whatever she’s supposed to, well for other people, not for me obviously 😅🤦🏼‍♀️

If you’re feeling stressed about it, don’t go, try something else instead.

ps thanks to PP who said strong independent adults were once strong independent children, I needed that today 😂

Go to one where there are a few mums you can chat to. Go to the same one so it’s a routine and let him feral. He’s only a toddler

Give it a rest for a couple of months, and maybe re-start in September, when often a bunch of newbies start.

For what it's worth, these sort of groups are pretty perfect for metaphorically "beating the feral out of them", but it does require you to stick at it.

I do quite a bit of work in nurseries, and we quite often say about our rising-fives that "school will beat it out of them." They need more structure, challenge, and tough boundaries.

Yes but it's different when they want to do the thing and you have to redirect them a few times, vs what OP describes which is it being "all he wants to do" or feeling like she is constantly trying to redirect him and field tantrums rather than being able to chat to other mums or help him join in with the activity. You're very lucky if you go to toddler groups and get to sit down and relax for the whole time, but there's a difference between the children who need you to keep an eye on them and go over for a brief word every few minutes and needing a bit more of a stronger intervention every now and again, vs one who needs constant redirection and support.

Thinking about it DS2 was the most like this out of all of them but he was a toddler during lockdown so we likely skipped a lot of this stage. He is still the one I need to take out of things early and/or do a huge amount of preparation with him, and he is six now.

My oldest was just like this. He literally tried to climb up a chimney at a Sparky Songs sessions. I was heavily pregnant with DC2, bright red in the face and sweating when I had to haul him out of the (thankfully disused) fireplace, shrieking, thrashing and covered in dust and soot while the group leader sang “Wheels on the Bus” and everyone stared. I never went back. He was diagnosed with AuDHD at 7, and he’s 14 now and awesome; hilarious, fiercely intelligent and great company. He also LOVES hearing stories about what a stinker he was when he was little 🤣

I totally get why you want to keep going to these groups OP; the need for purpose, structure and adult company is strong when you spend so much time alone with tiny, irrational humans who can’t communicate properly. My advice would be to alternate with as much time in the park as possible where he can climb until his heart is content, and if you do stick with the groups, remember that people aren’t judging as much as you think (and if they are, their time will come!)

Yes I agree - it's perfectly reasonably to stop re-direct if your son is climbing up while others are climbing down, or if it's not appropriate to touch the bubble machine - but his trying to do so is 100% normal.

To be fair, many kids want to climb up he slide when others want, or are, coming down. It’s normal and natural behaviour. As is wanting to touch a machine that blows out pretty bubbles. Your toddler sounds fine, however you sound overly anxious - could you speak to a gp or hv about it?

I would stick to less structured groups where there isn't an expectation he will sit nicely and do colouring or whatever. Do those still exist? Our sure start centre used to run them in totally childproof rooms (basically like nurseries) so you didn't have to constantly chase after them and remove them from places they aren't meant to be. It helped. Or our NCT class would meet up rotationally at each others' houses and again because we all had toddlers there weren't things there they weren't supposed to touch.

I think I would want to keep going because if his language/communication is delayed I would be thinking along the lines of it being good to keep exposing him to social situations because it might help them feel more familiar and safe for him. But maybe I'm getting mixed up with puppies 😅

How are you doing in yourself? I found when my DC were little I absolutely needed social contact with other adults. It was depressing and isolating trying to do it all on my own. My DC are neurodivergent and weirdly looking back, the places where we met parents of other children who stuck around even when the DC start to obviously diverge from their peers were the sort of "alternative" toddler groups like the sling meet, the La Leche League meetings, and we didn't go to these but I know a few friends of friends all met each other at the local forest school which tended to be a precursor to home ed.

Also - why isn't he allowed to play with the bubble machine/climb on the slide etc? These sound like ok things to do?

I also would gently encourage you not to think of your child as 'feral'. I guess you are joking but the language you use about someone matters and can impact how you treat someone, and I think you would be upset if he (one day) refers to you in a disrespectful manner.

Honestly, I would try to let go of the stress and embarrassment and continue to take him. Not at all saying it is not challenging, but a toddler group is a safe space for toddler-like behaviours, which is what these are. I suspect that there is not nearly as much judgment as you think (I'm sure everyone is more worried about their own kids' behaviour) and even if there is, you have to do the best for your son, not for the random judgy person you come across. Good luck.

It's totally normal but also understandably stressful. He will learn as he goes. Honestly we didn't go to many structured activities, they're not really necessary imo. Going to the park first thing in the morning when it was empty and letting her run up the slide as much as she wanted was good!

"My husband thinks I should carry on taking him to all these different groups"

When was the last time your husband took him to the playground on his own? Or to the supermarket, or to great-Granny's house (the one with all the china ornaments)?

I think I must have been very lucky with groups much less structured and much more supportive other parents than you seem to have found OP.

If it's stressing you out - try parks or other places to go to then re-try when he's a bit older.

Distraction - instead of outright no might help - do this instead - though it may not depends on the situation.

My DD never really liked being around other children. I didn't either.
I stopped thinking I needed to take her to these types of things and we were both much happier.
She's learnt social skills nonetheless.
She's also autistic.

Have you tried any outside activities? My son was not into any of the singing / playing / inside / artsy stuff but thrived in anything outdoors.

We used to have a toddler gym class, was great for toddlers with lots of energy, lots of nice thick mats so very safe. Not sure they still do it here, which is a shame. It was a paid for activity. A quick google shows there are places that do it.

That's exactly what we do too 😊 sorry I'm so used to referring to how we have to phrase things in order to counter his PDA as "saying no" so that others can understand the nuance of what we're saying, I just naturally don't go into detail about how we actually get around saying the word no! It's encouraging to see we're doing the right thing though! We're now so used to avoiding declarative language and giving plenty of warning and transitions aids between tasks that I don't even know of another way!

I think this is probably for all little children, whether autistic or not - just 'no' on its own doesn't really tell them what behaviour you do want or allow. DS2 can get on board with 'don't bang that on the window, why don't you bang this chair instead?' and then lots of happy praise when he bangs the soft, non-breakable thing.

My 19 month old just wants to wander and climb etc. We go to a Hartbeeps class once a week and I have just accepted that he might wander off to play with the door handle or look out the window or play with some of the toys to the side of the room and the person running the class is happy for him to do so.

I have however not gone to rhyme time at the library since he could walk as I think he would just wander out and it would be hard to keep him contained as it’s not in a closed off room.

Hang in there you are doing well.

My daughter was the same. Other mums would sit there looking perfect while I was a sweaty mess trying to stop my DD climbing the walls or running away. We went to lots of those groups and I hated it. Went to an incredibly expensive forest school group and she did the same, ran away from the activities to do her own thing. Climbing a tree or rolling in the mud.

She’s a perfectly well behaved teenager now. I did have my doubts when she was a feral toddler.

😂 , sorry I'm laughing because this was my youngest 20 something yrs ago.
They are mortifying, aren't they?
Perfectly normal wee boy though.
Big deep breath mum
Good luck