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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 21/05/2025 18:17

I love a slobby horizontal holiday! However it’s breakfast at about 9.30/10 for a leisurely hour or two then onto a lounger on the beach for reading and swimming for the day. Big supper outside in the warm evening. Not junk food. Bliss.

I also like interesting holidays where you go and see/do stuff. I think you can be both as long as everyone is in the same page!

All the people saying “oh, the poor lamb, he must be ill”, I would be interested to know what illness has the following symptoms: extreme selfishness, sulking like a 3 year old and inability to do stuff by yourself eg go to the pool. What a pathetic man-baby!!

Carodebalo · 21/05/2025 18:13

Sounds like you are not a good match, OP. (I wonder, did this come as a surprise? For example, if he wanted McD in Verona, then what does he like to eat at home?) I think life is too short to be with someone you really aren’t compatible with … I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

EdithBond · 21/05/2025 18:11

Haven’t even read your posts yet. But great thread title 😂

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 21/05/2025 17:58

Well, you're both being unreasonable in your different ways. He's a tired slob and you despise him for it.

So what's the problem? You're incompatible, and both I imagine looking forward to going your separate ways in the near future. Hopefully you'll both be more aware of Theory of Mind before taking a holiday with your next partners.

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 17:56

Christ, how old is he? Sounds like someone in their dotage.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:55

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 11:31

Just want to say my post about the eating seems to have confused people - I do eat! I got ill with Covid years ago and my appetite never returned. I never feel hungry so if I’m on my own I don’t tend to bother unless I feel actual hunger pangs. If I’m with someone I do of course eat 3 meals a day as a social thing.

Breakfast - would loved to have gone out for breakfast by the lake but he was never up so I had a cereal bar.

Lunch time he was just getting up and just wanted to find fast food - so I wouldn’t bother eating myself.

Of course if I’d gone away with a normal person I would have had breakfast by the lake, lunch and dinner in one of the many many lovely restaurants. However he only wanted burgers and chips. So I only ate evening meals where I could get pasta/pizza etc

Have you dumped him yet?

All that money to sit in a room!

polkadotmonstera · 21/05/2025 17:54

You are not compatible, he will be happier with someone who likes holidaying in a resort just sleeping and eating. You would be happier with someone who are more cultivate and likes to experience new cultures.

Moonlightfrog · 21/05/2025 17:54

a holiday is a great insight to what it would like to be living together. Run 😬

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:53

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

But he didn't even want to leave the room?

What the hell was the point?

andthat · 21/05/2025 17:45

You’re holiday incompatible.

Either travel alone. Or end things.

Morningsleepin · 21/05/2025 17:43

I'm over 70 and have more zest for life

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 17:41

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:16

Bloody hell, what a lazy, selfish dullard.

You need a much better boyfriend/holiday companion.

This x1000.

What a lump. How old is he?

Sounds so incredibly inconsiderate, unenthusiastic and lazy.

MarySueSaidBoo · 21/05/2025 17:35

I get it, OP. DH and I went for a city break to NYC, somewhere I'd wanted to go for years. Spent weeks planning a loose schedule with one place in the morning, somewhere else in the afternoon and evenings free to eat/cinema etc. The reality was that we did a tour of Starbucks, bakeries, diners, followed by searches for toilets. We were there for 5 days and DH was an absolute fucking misery for all of it, moaning about walking, being tired, being hungry/thirsty and just wanting to have a lie in. I vowed on the flight home never to book another. Now we holiday in the UK, I book a cottage and he can sleep in a chair while I walk miles with the dogs - and we're both a lot happier.

DilemmaDelilah · 21/05/2025 17:33

You obviously have very different ideas of what a holiday is and expectations of each other - you should really have discussed it before you went!

I like to have time to read and look at views, maybe do a little gentle shopping (I can't walk very far). My DH likes to explore, so he will go out and do that on his own, with his camera, then he comes back and shows me what I have missed. But we both know what the other one wants from our holiday and are happy to let them do it.

Hadmysay · 21/05/2025 17:32

YinYangalang · 21/05/2025 09:38

I can’t sit still on holiday. He would not be somebody I could be with. But, others find me irritating. I am learning to relax more now as I am older but it is hard. I’m okay if I have a pool I can swim in.

Edited

He would not be somebody I could be with.

Why not ? Why can't you do your own thing on holiday and he does his

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 17:29

JudgeJ · 21/05/2025 17:17

a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

All of which can be done far more cheaply at home, what's the point of paying for flights, hotel, meals ?

Absolutely. If you want to catch up on sleep, have a staycation. Ridiculous to fly to somewhere like Italy and lay in bed all day.

BotterMon · 21/05/2025 17:27

Have you dumped him yet?

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 21/05/2025 17:22

God he sounds dreadful. Who travels somewhere beautiful and spends all day in the bloody hotel. Ditch.

Chloe793 · 21/05/2025 17:22

It sounds like he would be more suited to an AI beach holiday. I don't think that is necessarily lazy but it's not my thing either OP. Your holiday sounds amazing (apart from him).

Jollyjoy · 21/05/2025 17:21

Someone once told me that before you marry someone, you should travel together, be ill around them and experience them being ill, and if all of those experiences you can rub along smoothly, then all good.

JudgeJ · 21/05/2025 17:17

a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

All of which can be done far more cheaply at home, what's the point of paying for flights, hotel, meals ?

Candymac · 21/05/2025 17:16

I'm married to this man and regret it
Leave immediately.. it won't improve

Greyhound98 · 21/05/2025 17:08

Sounds awful. He can lie in bed all day at home. What a bore.

TrainGame · 21/05/2025 17:05

How hard does he work? What does he do on the weekends normally? And how hard do you work? Some people need holidays to catch up on sleep and feeling normal. They need to sleep for a few days and then they regain their energy.

It really depends if this is a holiday to catch up on sleep because he's been working like a dog - or if this is his normal setting.

All the same, not everyone has the same energy levels.

However you sound incompatible. Your eating habits and choices of foods are completely different, as are your energy levels and need for sleep.

I can't see how this would work long term.

Burnout50 · 21/05/2025 17:04

tartancarpetslippers · 21/05/2025 09:23

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

But those people book holidays to lazing-about resorts, and beach locations, not Lake Garda.

Omg so this!!!

Lake garda is amazing, you have get out and about. It doesn't have to be all go, a leisurely wander around the towns, jump on a boat. Sit at a lakeside restaurant enjoying the view, aperol spritz, wine, whatever! You do not just sleep... what a waste. Go to a beach resort and lie by the pool all day every day if thats what suits you but f**k, lake garda is to be enjoyed!

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