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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
YinYangalang · 21/05/2025 09:38

I can’t sit still on holiday. He would not be somebody I could be with. But, others find me irritating. I am learning to relax more now as I am older but it is hard. I’m okay if I have a pool I can swim in.

Cardinalita90 · 21/05/2025 09:36

God he sounds a bore and needy too - won't go to the pool without you so would prefer to stay in bed all day?! As others have said, thank goodness you don't have children together.

I'd say to him over dinner that seeing the sights really matters to you so you'll be doing x,y,z over next few days and leaving at X time. If he wants to come, great but he needs to be ready to leave the hotel at that time. Otherwise, let's agree to do our own thing every day and meet for dinner. I know thats not what you wanted but might be the best way to salvage it.

Then , dump him when you get.home!

dontcryformeargentina · 21/05/2025 09:35

He sounds very boring and unadventurous. How did you manage to date him for a year? Unless he has health issues, I can’t justify his lack of effort

ShodAndShadySenators · 21/05/2025 09:34

You lost me when he turned sulky and irritable about OP going for a walk on her own. Everything alongside that sealed it for me, I would be dumping asap. And I'm afraid I'd find it difficult to conceal my annoyance with him so he'd be totally aware I was pissed off enough to dump him well before the airport home.

There's having different ideas about holidays and there's being totally unwilling to compromise. OP left him to do what he wanted a lot of the time, he didn't want to stir his lazy arse to suit her plans. Total dealbreaker.

latetothefisting · 21/05/2025 09:34

I think the people who are saying you're incompatible because you just want different types of holidays are minimising it a bit - its not like OP wants to go out exploring every day and he wants to eat/drink/chill at the pool with a book - he literally wouldn't even go to the pool or for food or a short walk around the local area without her, and seems to just wants to sleep in the hotel room all day!

Even a lazy all-inclusive type holiday for me would involve leaving the room, otherwise why bother with the expense and hassle of a holiday abroad!

Oriunda · 21/05/2025 09:34

It sounds like he didn’t understand the type of holiday that you booked. Lake Garda isn’t really a fly and flop type of holiday, which sound like what your boyfriend wanted. Part of the joy of being in Italy is the food; breakfast by a lakeside cafe (unless included in hotel price); long lunches, nice dinners out.

It doesn’t sound like you’re at all compatible. I suffer from insomnia and alternatively wake up early, so I’d get up and read/go get breakfast etc, but I’d definitely expect him to be up and ready by 10am at the latest for our plans for the day. Missing breakfast to me is my worst case scenario; didn’t he get hungry?

Ilovegoldies · 21/05/2025 09:31

My husband is up and out at sunrise on holidays. I'm quite a get up and go type but not at sunrise. Some days he will go miles and be out until lunchtime and I'm lazing in bed doom scrolling but the difference is he doesn't mind that he goes alone and I don't care what time he comes back unless we have plans its all very fluid.
To sulk because the other person has gone out is not acceptable, and he could have made far more effort on the Verona trip.
A holiday is a good test for compatibility and it seems you aren't a good fit.

Itisallabitvague · 21/05/2025 09:31

What's good about him?

blackfriday1 · 21/05/2025 09:29

I went on holiday for the first time with my best friend. She was exactly like this. Laid in bed for hours every morning, would surface about 3/4pm then demand we find food and coffee - usually wanted some sort of brunch type food which was difficult to source where we were, so we’d traipse around looking at every bloody restaurant menu whilst she moaned how hungry she was. It was tedious. I spent 70% of the trip alone and we barely spoke once we returned home. It’s sad but illuminating, you see a really different side to people when you travel with them. I think you’ll end up resenting him for this trip OP, find a better boyfriend who wants to enjoy things and live life with you.

Doctorkrank · 21/05/2025 09:28

You are clearly not compatible!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/05/2025 09:27

How much does he sleep? If he is always knackered and keeps falling back asleep til lunchtime, do you think he could have a medical condition? As that doesn't seem normal at all. Even so, he sounds boring, and a bit pathetic (not able to do anything on his own and no interest in anything)

Anonforeddiscussion · 21/05/2025 09:27

You just sound incompatible. That level of laze would drive me mad, but I've also never willingly got up at 6am!

latetothefisting · 21/05/2025 09:27

You are not being unreasonable - got to admit I love a lie in on holiday but I'd still be up and wanting to do something by 10 - and would have stayed up in the nights as well to counteract having the lie in. Just the bit about not going to the pool on his own is pathetic!

Good on you for going out on your own though, it does annoy me when you see similar posts on here about lazy dps and because he cba to do anything the poster just sits around the hotel feeling resentful too.

JustFeedMeCake · 21/05/2025 09:25

Get rid the minute you return. What an awful lazy bore!

WhereIsMyJumper · 21/05/2025 09:25

KimberleyClark · 21/05/2025 09:23

Being on holiday with someone who needs to be up and about at 6am would drive me nuts.

She never said she expected him to be up at 6am though. She seemed quite happy for a few hours to chill but wanted him up and out at a reasonable time. This isn’t the sort of holiday where you lounge around a pool

WhereIsMyJumper · 21/05/2025 09:24

YANBU what a lazy, selfish prick.
Take me on holiday next time OP, I reckon we would make great travelling companions 😂

Lampzade · 21/05/2025 09:24

You are not compatible . It is as simple as that
Some like to relax and sleep on holiday others like to explore
Ditch him , he is not the one for you

tartancarpetslippers · 21/05/2025 09:23

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

But those people book holidays to lazing-about resorts, and beach locations, not Lake Garda.

Dogpawsandcatwhiskers · 21/05/2025 09:23

He seems to sleep a lot. Does he have sleep apnoea?
You dont have compatible energy levels. Chuck this slob one back.

cheddercherry · 21/05/2025 09:23

What a misery! AT least he’s shown you who he is now: utterly exhausting and a waste of your time!

Someone who can even find the front to sulk ON holiday sounds like the most hardworking, soul sucking person to be around. He couldn’t even snap out of his mood to go to the pool ALL DAY? Pathetic.

It’s not to do with energy levels - it’s rudeness and immaturity. Him using his voice and saying “actually I want to chill today” is fine - I’m not at all offended if my husband wants few hours in the pool and likewise he’s absolutely happy for me to nip out to the markets etc in a morning. But he didn’t communicate, then changed your plans, then sulked.

KimberleyClark · 21/05/2025 09:23

Being on holiday with someone who needs to be up and about at 6am would drive me nuts.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 21/05/2025 09:22

In just under a year surely there must have been signs?

He sounds like an arse

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 09:20

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

Op sounded very reasonable to me. Took herself out for a walk when he didn’t want to go, left him to sleep until 11.30. Again took herself out when he said he just wanted to go to the hotel pool. Are we reading different posts or something?

TwentyKittens · 21/05/2025 09:20

Dump this absolute wanker!

I would have given up on day 2 and had the holiday I wanted.

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/05/2025 09:19

I actually think quite a lot of people want to do very little on holiday (although I’m not one of them). It’s very much a compatibility issue. It doesn’t sound like it will work.

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