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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
WittyBee · 21/05/2025 09:53

That carry on would have driven me insane. 😡

mumuseli · 21/05/2025 09:53

Holidays really bring out the differences between people - it's good that you've found out now!

RawBloomers · 21/05/2025 09:52

I don’t think it’s wrong of him to want a lazing around holiday, though I prefer to go out and see the sights like you. But to keep telling you he will get going and then not, so you spend a lot of your time waiting around, bored, was really selfish.

It does sound like you’re incompatible holiday wise. You could probably work around it if things were otherwise great and you both wanted to, but once you’ve got the ick it’s hard to get back to a place that’s good.

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 09:52

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

I think this is fair op.

You just aren’t suited.

I can’t think of anything worse than having someone rising at 6am on holiday and slinking in and out and about then judging me for wanting to chill a bit more.

Admittedly I’d be somewhere in between - about 8 am on holiday because it’s my time to catch up on sleep - but we are all different and I can tell you there is nothing more annoying than someone who can’t let others chill. My mum has done this on holiday. Up with the larks because she isn’t as tired, knocks on the door of our room with her hair freshly blow dried and says in a stage whisper “ just letting you know I’m all ready for breakfast, just so you aren’t waiting on me!” Of course this woke Dc. I honestly worried DH might have been about to hurl her off the balcony …

fussychica · 21/05/2025 09:52

Sounds like you're totally incompatible. I'd call it a day ASAP.

rebmacesrevda · 21/05/2025 09:51

I'm not sure which bit annoys me the most. It's either him not being able to go to the pool on his own, or him not being able to feed himself. Did his mum hand him over to you with a list of instructions?

3isthemagicnumber3 · 21/05/2025 09:50

He is lazy but do you eat? You talk about having coffee no mention of breakfast/lunch then arrive at 2 pm, I think I’d be hungry by then too.

Sevenamcoffee · 21/05/2025 09:49

OP says they discussed beforehand about how they saw the holiday working. This was presumably his chance to say I want to lie around all day and OP to say they wanted to be active. Either he’s a liar or there are serious communication problems.

Imbusytodaysorry · 21/05/2025 09:49

@Agix in bed at 11am when the sun is shinning then laying in a room all day . Just no , why go away .
On the other hand op you sound 100miles an hour for being on a holiday .
Although I don’t get how he is tired when he has done nothing.
Most people I think see holidays as doing stuff although at a more leisurely rate . Explore then lay at he pool when it’s warm .

You are worlds apart . Sounds like it’s over .

Oldglasses · 21/05/2025 09:49

OMG! That would drive me mad.

I had my frist holiday with DH after a few weeks of meeting (he had holiday to use up) and thankfully we were compatible in what we wanted to do ie, get up at a reasonable time and go out. We are always down for hotel breakfast by 9am. If self catering def up eating breakfast by then. Depending on type of holiday we'd be by pool by 10.30am or going sightseeing!

Cloudless01 · 21/05/2025 09:48

I would hate that.

Why did he choose to go to Lake Garda if he just wanted to lie around? He should have gone to an all inclusive hotel and sat in the room/by the pool the whole time. And when you arrive, the first thing you do is go out and explore!

AntiHop · 21/05/2025 09:47

Genuinely, I wonder if he has an undiagnosed health condition. That level of exhaustion is not normal without an explanation like illness or small children.

Bumcake · 21/05/2025 09:47

Whose idea was Garda? As others have said, he sounds more like an all-inclusive pool lounger than an explorer.

I couldn’t put up with this personally, I can’t see why any healthy adult needs to be in bed until lunchtime when there’s stuff to see and do. The odd rainy Sunday at home, maybe.

What do you do for dates normally?

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/05/2025 09:46

Frauhubert · 21/05/2025 09:44

He should have gone to an all inclusive resort in Turkey where you don’t have to leave the poolside for 2 weeks. Sounds more like his idea or fun.
Have there been no signs until now how lazy and boring he is?🤔

Exactly! I don’t understand how you can be together for a year and there not have been signs before of how utterly utterly different and completely incompatible you both are.

Happyinarcon · 21/05/2025 09:46

I feel guilty because i am a lazy holiday person. I need time to adjust and I like to rest and go slow. For some reason i come alive from 1pm onwards so this would be my venture outside time.
I think you did the perfect thing by entertaining yourself. My husband will pop out in the morning by himself, then come back for a nap then we’ll go out together after lunch.

MikeRafone · 21/05/2025 09:45

what a waste of holiday, if you want to stay in bed all day - you may as well save the airfare.

There is a difference between having a relaxing morning and going out at 10.30 to staying in bed until 2pm or later and not wanting to do anything.

Sounds like you have very different ideas about how to live your lives and a holiday like this has highlighted the matter - best thing to have happened - a ruined time on holiday is better than ruining the next few years of your life with the wrong person for you

Well1mBack · 21/05/2025 09:44

Yeah, nah. Throw him back. You're not compatible and he's not going to change.

My cousin's husband is like this. She admitted 6 months into dating him she found him a bit boring. Me in my teenage no-filter stage told her to dump him then and stop complaining. She got annoyed at me pointing out his flaws and married him! 😂

More fool her as he's exactly the same; the one time we went on holiday with them (and this is before they had their kids) my dad lost it at him as he was still in bed at 1pm and we were in Florida and trying to plan round going to Tampa bay. Also the days we went to the parks the trick is to go early and it was a nightmare with him! He's not changed and sadly their now teenage children follow his lead. My cousin silently seethes. Don't know why she puts up with it.

Chersfrozenface · 21/05/2025 09:44

Whenindoubthugitout · 21/05/2025 09:16

Really good way to find out that you are not compatible.

throw this one back.

This.

I've seen many couples date, go on holiday together and break up on return, sensibly. I think it's a very useful test.

Frauhubert · 21/05/2025 09:44

He should have gone to an all inclusive resort in Turkey where you don’t have to leave the poolside for 2 weeks. Sounds more like his idea or fun.
Have there been no signs until now how lazy and boring he is?🤔

KoiTetra · 21/05/2025 09:43

There are holidays where this is the point, Garda is not one of those!

If you want a holiday that is all about relaxing by a pool, drinking and eating book an all inclusive resort and do exactly that.

If you go somewhere like Garda the whole point to so explore the culture and stunning surroundings! You are an early riser and fair enough he might not want to be up at 6am on holiday but 9/9:30am is perfectly acceptable as a compromise.

Ditch the bloke the two of you want different things from life.

Poppyyoutwat · 21/05/2025 09:43

It’s not going to work out.

I am like you. When I go away I want to see things and do things. My husband will do that with me, but honestly, he would rather sit and do nothing, he’s got a stressful job. But he gets up and does stuff mainly for me, although I am more than happy to go it alone. I could never have a sit by a pool holiday, waste of my time, I can sit and do fuck all at home for free.

We work around it by me sometimes taking the kids away for a few days and he stays at home with the dog, still working from home but then he gets a break in The evening/weekend to decompress from work and just sit and stare and do nothing, and then he’s up for it all the next time we go away. I don’t work so holidays are a fun time for me. For him, it’s his only time off from a stressful job so I do get it. But he’s not an arse about it and will get stuck in so we all have fun and do stuff.

If he had been like your bf though, I wouldn’t have gone on holiday with him again.

ChaToilLeam · 21/05/2025 09:39

He sounds selfish, lazy and boring! We're not all early risers and that's fair enough, but wasting the whole day and expecting you to just hang around until he is ready - that's downright incomprehensible. Throw that one back. You're utterly incompatible.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 21/05/2025 09:38

That’s not the ick. That’s being fundamentally different people. You’re not compatible. Be glad you found it out now!

FrenchandSaunders · 21/05/2025 09:38

I know this was your first holiday but weren't there any signs of this over the last year, during weekends/bank holidays etc.

That would drive me mad. He might as well have stayed at home to sleep!

MackenCheese · 21/05/2025 09:38

He sounds exactly like my autistic son! Make of that what you will....