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Original poster

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
Weefox · 21/05/2025 10:03

It sounds like he could be unwell or with an underlying health issue.

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 10:03

AlphabettiTouretti · 21/05/2025 10:01

It's not just the incompatibility.

It's not just the fact that you both discussed what the holiday would be like beforehand, and he then unilaterally refused to do any of it once you arrived.

It's the fact that he got grumpy with you for going out and doing stuff while he slept/rested. Presumably you were supposed to sit in a darkened room with him all day?

And also the utter weaponised incompetence of the man. Can't feed himself when there's a shop down the road and a restaurant at the hotel. Can't go down to the hotel pool on his own. Does he need you to put the food in his mouth and help him on with his floaty armbands?

That reminded me of a woman I knew who got the ick because they went on holiday and he couldn’t swim! He wouldn’t let go of the edge of the pool.

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 10:03

I too would not want to go out walking, 2 hours after arriving at the hotel after a flight. Shower, food, bed.
At 3pm? What if you were on an earlier flight and arrived before lunch? You'd just want to eat in the hotel and go to bed? A stroll to the lake before dinner is hardly a taxing suggestion.

TheIceBear · 21/05/2025 10:03

BlueTitShark · 21/05/2025 10:00

I don’t know why people are throwing around the words “wanker” and “arse” ..

Because it’s an easy way to release some if their iwn tension by having a go at someone tgey dint know (ie no repercussions). It gives them the ‘moral high ground’ and they feel good about themselves.

Basically it’s all about them.

Perhaps those words are a bit crass but I would find it very immature a man having a sulk and not going to a swimming pool on their own. Also asking for coffees and letting them go cold .. bit “arsey “ to me.

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 10:02

ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 09:56

I don’t know why people are throwing around the words “wanker” and “arse” .. I don’t think he’s either of those things, you just have different expectations on holiday.

I’m a laze about person for some of the holiday. I too would not want to go out walking, 2 hours after arriving at the hotel after a flight. Shower, food, bed.

I hate these holidays were you have to do “stuff” everyday .. go see another town (what wrong with the one we are in).. and getting a bus, traipsing about in the heat - no, no, no

It doesn’t really matter whether you’d like that type of holiday, op and her boyfriend chose it.

And you’d really get to your holiday destination at 3pm, shower, eat and go to bed? They’d flown to Italy, not Australia.

JustMyView13 · 21/05/2025 10:02

You’re just not compatible, and that’s ok. Holidays are always a great test before moving in with someone, because you get to see them in a different light. Sometimes it’s good, other times not so much.

CantStopMoving · 21/05/2025 10:01

Carrotsurprise · 21/05/2025 09:57

Sleeping in till 11.30 is weird really when there was no indication that you stayed up late the night before! How many hours of sleep is that? Sounds like a health condition.

Dunno, I could easily do that if given a chance! But usually I feel it is a wasted day if I do that and feel guilty!

AlphabettiTouretti · 21/05/2025 10:01

It's not just the incompatibility.

It's not just the fact that you both discussed what the holiday would be like beforehand, and he then unilaterally refused to do any of it once you arrived.

It's the fact that he got grumpy with you for going out and doing stuff while he slept/rested. Presumably you were supposed to sit in a darkened room with him all day?

And also the utter weaponised incompetence of the man. Can't feed himself when there's a shop down the road and a restaurant at the hotel. Can't go down to the hotel pool on his own. Does he need you to put the food in his mouth and help him on with his floaty armbands?

Ohnonotagainmrswebster · 21/05/2025 10:01

I would say you are definitely not compatible. He’s showing you what life with him would be like. I would end this relationship now.

BlueTitShark · 21/05/2025 10:00

I don’t know why people are throwing around the words “wanker” and “arse” ..

Because it’s an easy way to release some if their iwn tension by having a go at someone tgey dint know (ie no repercussions). It gives them the ‘moral high ground’ and they feel good about themselves.

Basically it’s all about them.

GoldieFish · 21/05/2025 10:00

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 09:18

Really good way to find out that you are not compatible.

This hits the nail on the head. This is who he is and he won’t change. Get rid.

Exactly. Reading your post was like taking a bath in ick.

I think the function of holidays in the early stages of a relationship is to weed out the incompatible. Imagine being on your deathbed after you'd been married to him for decades thinking grimly about the years of your life you wasted hanging around waiting for him and making him cups of coffee that are clearly just excuses not to get out of bed?

CantStopMoving · 21/05/2025 10:00

I don’t think either of you are necessarily wrong. You just want different things on holiday. What usually happens is you do stuff that each of you want to do and plan accordingly. He wants a day lounging by the pool and then you want a day sightseeing. You want a restaurant meal one day, he just wants to veg out in hotel room snacking another. If he won’t find common ground with you so you both come home feeling rested and relaxed it will only get worse! I have been married for 25 years and we have never had a bad holiday at all.

TheIceBear · 21/05/2025 09:58

This would irritate the shit out of me. How boring. The fact he wouldn’t even go swimming “on his own” when you were out visiting villages. YANBU.

BlueTitShark · 21/05/2025 09:58

I don’t think Theres anything wrong with doing very little on hols. That’s what a lot of people do! Men or women.

The issue here is that you have two very different ideas of what a good hols is. You want to be up at 6.00am, go sightseeing, spend the day walking etc…
He wants rest (an all inclusive by the pool would probably fit him better).

Theres no right or wrong there. Just different tastes. And it certainly doesn’t say anything about him being lazy or not being good husband/father material.
Resting/having a nap/sleeping late isn’t a moral failure.

Carrotsurprise · 21/05/2025 09:57

Sleeping in till 11.30 is weird really when there was no indication that you stayed up late the night before! How many hours of sleep is that? Sounds like a health condition.

indignantpigmy · 21/05/2025 09:57

Sounds like my DH. What does he do for a living?

DH is a farmer, works 365 days a year (Christmas and weekends) and when he goes on holiday he sleeps for 2 weeks, occasionally he'll bob in some water. We last went on holiday in 2022 and before that 2019. I don't begrudge him a rest.

If your other half works 40 hours over a week then I concur with everyone else, he's a lazy, boring sod but only you know if the relationship is worth it.

Pollyanna87 · 21/05/2025 09:57

My blood pressure rose just reading that! Get rid.

ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 09:56

I don’t know why people are throwing around the words “wanker” and “arse” .. I don’t think he’s either of those things, you just have different expectations on holiday.

I’m a laze about person for some of the holiday. I too would not want to go out walking, 2 hours after arriving at the hotel after a flight. Shower, food, bed.

I hate these holidays were you have to do “stuff” everyday .. go see another town (what wrong with the one we are in).. and getting a bus, traipsing about in the heat - no, no, no

GFBurger · 21/05/2025 09:56

I don’t think you are compatible of course, but I also think you need to encourage him to go for some blood tests! He doesn’t sound well at all.

Or is he hiding some addictions that you aren’t aware of?

LoveWine123 · 21/05/2025 09:55

Is he normally like this? Is this behaviour out if the ordinary? I feel like some of these things would have shown up before you went on holiday if you have dated for a year. I feel like this isn’t just a difference in the type of holiday you both like but fundamentally how you treat each other and the level of respect and consideration (or lack of it) he has shown you.

chatgptsbestmate · 21/05/2025 09:55

Oh my! Dump him or never go on holiday with him again or both 🤣 What an ick 🙄

deydododatdodontdeydo · 21/05/2025 09:55

First day on a holiday I'd probably cut someone some slack. Travelling can be tiring and especially if you have been working before that.
Still, 11.30 seems excessive but some people will think that's normal too.
You have different ideas of what holidays should be.

C152 · 21/05/2025 09:55

YANBU, OP. Others are right; the two of you aren't compatible and that will never change. Move on.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/05/2025 09:54

Ditch him and I will come on holiday with you next time. Your holiday style sounds ace. His would not suit me at all. He may as well be at home. Why is he not curious about the beautiful place he has travelled to? So weird.

YANBU

honeylulu · 21/05/2025 09:53

He sounds awful and I would have the ick too (and I'm someone who likes a lazy start to the day on holiday so I speak without malice!)

I agree with posters saying you are incompatible. You're a morning lark who likes to be constantly on the go. He's more of an owl who likes to chill and relax into his surroundings.

But he's actually worse than that. Staying in bed asleep until the afternoon? Sulks and strops if you go out without him, even though he doesn't want to. Sulks and strops because he wanted to go to the pool but wouldn't go because you weren't there (wtf?). Doesn't enjoy trip because can only think about how hungry he is (because he didn't get his arse out of bed to have breakfast).

Ideally you could still have had a nice holiday with some compromise. Up and having hotel breakfast at 9 (you will probably have gone for a walk or bike ride before this but why should that bother him?) Chill time at the pool in the morning. Head out somewhere for the afternoon. Chill at pool/bar or in room with sundowner late afternoon/early evening. Wander out for a nice dinner. The real ick for me would be the lack of compromise/consideration and sulking/moaning. No wonder he always feels "knackered" - sounds like some fresh air and light exercise would do him the world of good!