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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 21/05/2025 10:13

It's just a wattage mismatch. You like to scamper like a squirrel. He likes to lounge like a sloth. It's not intrinsically bad to be either way but a grumpy sloth that doesn't want a squirrel to squirrel sounds stressful.

WimbyAce · 21/05/2025 10:13

Imagine being at Lake Garda and just wanting to sleep! He would def have to go.

Ceramiq · 21/05/2025 10:13

As others have said, you clearly aren't compatible.

EndlessTreadmill · 21/05/2025 10:13

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 21/05/2025 09:22

In just under a year surely there must have been signs?

He sounds like an arse

This! Surely there must have been signs, eg on weekends!

Personally, that would be it for me, I can't imagine living my life with someone like this.
Would also have massive red flags about what he would be like when children come - if his energy levels are like this and there is this level of laziness and selfishness, I can guarantee you that you will be left doing all the childcare, early mornings etc. He will not put himself out in the slightest.

DUMP.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 21/05/2025 10:12

Absolutely get rid of him. That would drive me insane!! Imagine what he would be like with kids.

We have 2 under 5, sometimes they will have a little sleep in on holiday if they have gone to bed later than normal, we are all still ready to leave our accommodation by 10.30am ISH, showered, dressed, fed and packed lunch made for kids.

He sounds beyond lazy x

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 10:12

Flamingoknees · 21/05/2025 10:05

Incompatible. End it. Though my DP wouldn't want to be up at 8am,and would play merry hell if I was up at 6. I would quietly read in bed until about 8, and expect movement from him at 9,if we had plans. If we did have plans, he would be up in time. Was he hinting for sex when you first got there? Did your itinerary allow for holiday intimacy?

WTF am I reading!

Your DP dictates you can’t get up until 8? You lie quietly in bed? Does he give you a gro clock?

Then did the schedule allow for holiday intimacy? Personally I prefer my partners awake during that? So unless the DP is awake some reasonable length of time (he didn’t wake until 11.30) it could be restrictive.

spanishcheese · 21/05/2025 10:11

why leave home at all if all he wants to do is stay in bed and eat? what a waste of time.

I'd look for another boyfriend. Can you imagine if you had kids and he was still doing this?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 21/05/2025 10:11

YANBU. If he didn't want to do anything he may as well have had a staycation. What a waste of time and money to just laze in bed.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 21/05/2025 10:11

You’ve had a beautiful early indication that you are not well matched. Cherish that before you wasted more time or had children with him. Next!

SheridansPortSalut · 21/05/2025 10:11

YABU for blaming him. There's nothing wrong with his idea of a holiday, other than it's not the same as your idea of a holiday. You are not suited to each other.

turkeyboots · 21/05/2025 10:10

Honestly he sounds like my kind of holiday friend. But clearly not yours!
Holidays are hard with the oblivious, anything other than their entirely unexpressed desires is wrong and causes bad feelings. My mother is legendary for falling out with people on holiday for this kind of carry on.
Enjoy Garda without him, it's so beautiful this time of year.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 10:08

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:16

Bloody hell, what a lazy, selfish dullard.

You need a much better boyfriend/holiday companion.

Never has the use of the word dullard been more apt!!

Ditch him!

wishIwasonaBeach · 21/05/2025 10:08

Omg OP - poor you!

Yes this would drive me mad and give me the ick too!

Sounds like you've tried to meet him half way too. Well done for going out and doing things on your own - x

Gundogday · 21/05/2025 10:07

KimberleyClark · 21/05/2025 09:23

Being on holiday with someone who needs to be up and about at 6am would drive me nuts.

But op didn’t expect dp to be up at 6am. She took herself off and returned at 8am.

TeacheeTeacherson · 21/05/2025 10:07

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 21/05/2025 09:18

Is he 16?? If not bin...

Whereas if he is…. he’s a keeper? 😂

thenightsky · 21/05/2025 10:06

We need to know what time he goes to bed. Is up, clubbing and socialising in bars until 2am? Are you being boring by wanting to be in bed by 9pm?

babystarsandmoon · 21/05/2025 10:06

What a waste of a holiday!!

Surely you knew he was like this before you went though?

HonoraBridge · 21/05/2025 10:06

He sounds incredibly lazy, boring and sulky. Yuck. You are clearly not compatible. I think you should end this relationship.

blowingbubbles1 · 21/05/2025 10:05

I went on holiday with a friend like this once. We even had the most amazing view of the sunset from our room and she would close the blinds!! Safe to say I never went away with her again!

Flamingoknees · 21/05/2025 10:05

Incompatible. End it. Though my DP wouldn't want to be up at 8am,and would play merry hell if I was up at 6. I would quietly read in bed until about 8, and expect movement from him at 9,if we had plans. If we did have plans, he would be up in time. Was he hinting for sex when you first got there? Did your itinerary allow for holiday intimacy?

Lurkingandlearning · 21/05/2025 10:04

You are not just incompatible, he is dishonest. He had the opportunity to tell you how he liked t to spend his time on holiday when you had the conversation about how you’d both like the holiday to play out.

it is less expensive to go on holiday with someone else than as a single person. Before you booked the holiday he told you what he thought you wanted to hear, so he could have a subsidised holiday. He knew full well he would try to impose his preferences on you once you got there and was prepared to coerce you into falling in line whether that spoiled your holiday or not

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 10:04

Weefox · 21/05/2025 10:03

It sounds like he could be unwell or with an underlying health issue.

I thought that. Or just in an exhausting job. This is very common holiday behaviour for young bankers and solicitors in large firms. What’s his job op?

BasaFillet · 21/05/2025 10:04

Me and my husband are both lazy bums on holidays, your schedule and peppering would drive me nuts 😂 but agree that maybe you are mismatched in terms of holiday expectations. “Chill style” is actually a huge factor in compatibility!

NewShoesForSpring · 21/05/2025 10:04

I think a holiday is a brilliant test of a relationship!

My now dh & I went on our first holiday to Italy together when we were together 4 months. We were in a long distance relationship at that point.

But we were so compatible on that 2 week trip that we both knew coming home that this was something different. We've enjoyed many many holidays together since & we've never had a bad one even though we've grown up & dc have been with us for past 20 years

In those early trips we had lazy mornings spent in bed having as much sex as we could. Then up & out for coffee & whatever we could get for breakfast. We're not pool/ beach type holiday makers but we love art & history so we'd visit all the galleries & museums with many wine breaks in between.

Out late every night exploring new restaurants & late night bars. Getting giddy on the conversations & flirtations with each other. Fall into bed & repeat.

We both hold those trips v close to our hearts & in fact for my 50th we revisited the city we went to on our v first trip. And it was just as magical. We brought dc & we reminisced.

OP i don't think you're compatible. At just under a year together you should still be absolutely in the heady days of can't get enough of each other especially in a super romantic location as Lake Garda.

I'd be rethinking this one to be honest.

I'm a night owl & couldn't be with someone who wanted to be up at 6am on holidays.

skyeisthelimit · 21/05/2025 10:04

If you discussed it beforehand then YANBU, but it is clear that you do have very different ideas of what you want to do on holidays. He wants to relax, and you want to get out and about. There is nothing wrong with either of those.

I wouldn't go on holiday with him again though.