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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
MarioLink · 21/05/2025 11:11

Your update has made me have more of the ick for him: all the wonderful food in Italy and he wants plain, boring, greasy McDonalds like he has at home?! It just does first the location or holiday at all. I think he's confused about what the holiday is. Where does he normally go?

MumWifeOther · 21/05/2025 11:09

Take this as your sign to end things now. Who wants a life like this? He sounds like a loser.

gillefc82 · 21/05/2025 11:07

Not sure if you’ve answered this already but how long was the holiday? 7 days or more, I can understand a mix of “tourist” days alongside some of just relaxing at the hotel/pool etc. For a short break, surely you’re wanting to make the most of the days you have so I also wouldn’t be happy with the 11am wake ups. After all nothing stopping him having a siesta in the late afternoon / early evening.

Although, as someone who loves the experience of trying local food when away, I’m with him on the meals.

I think at less than a year into the relationship, I’d take it as a good thing that you’ve been able to get a relatively early insight into the lack of compatibility and be able to make a graceful exit.

MagpiePi · 21/05/2025 11:06

In the OP you say you discussed expectations for the holiday. What did you actually discuss, and did you agree on anything?

It sounds like you have never spent even a weekend away together, or even a weekend at home together. Surely he knows that you like to get up really early and don't eat during the day, and you know that he wants to lie in bed and eat Mcdonalds?

Patricia1704 · 21/05/2025 11:06

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 21/05/2025 11:03

I’m amazed you got as far as going on holiday with him. You sound completely incompatible.

Tend to agree, sorry OP!

Katbum · 21/05/2025 11:05

Hmm. I am someone who likes to lie in and relax on holiday. However, going away with someone means compromising. I went to Venice a few years back with a friend who is similar to you, the agreement was we start the day at 9.30/10, she would get up at 6am go for breakfast chill etc and then we'd head out to an activity or sightseeing at 10ish, lunch, maybe an afternoon chill then dinner/drinks. I generally like to take it really easy on holiday, and if he has been working it is probably fair enough he doesn't want to rise at 6am. Still, lunchtime is wasting the day. But I also think if you are this incompatible with your OH it isn't going to work.

BigDahliaFan · 21/05/2025 11:04

Your other half sounds really dull to go on holiday with.

amybabysa · 21/05/2025 11:04

Is he feeling ok? As in he’s not ill, or on meds that can make him really tired

I’d be concerned he was unwell being so lethargic especially if it’s OOC

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/05/2025 11:03

Yeah I'm really not surprised you got the ick. I would too.

rebmacesrevda · 21/05/2025 11:03

I love eating, and would definitely want 3 meals a day, but I also think one meal a day is fine. Lots of people do intermittent fasting and it works for them. OP would've happily gone for lunch, but boyfriend couldn't be bothered to get out of bed (despite being starving). I think the food issue is his fault, not hers!

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 21/05/2025 11:03

I’m amazed you got as far as going on holiday with him. You sound completely incompatible.

nonmerci99 · 21/05/2025 11:02

Straight in the bin.

AdoraBell · 21/05/2025 11:02

YANBU.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 21/05/2025 11:02

Yeah that'd be it for me, too incompatible. I'm with you, i'd be wanting to get and explore on a trip like that.

ruethewhirl · 21/05/2025 11:01

AntiHop · 21/05/2025 09:47

Genuinely, I wonder if he has an undiagnosed health condition. That level of exhaustion is not normal without an explanation like illness or small children.

This is what I'm wondering too, this feels like more than laziness. I have chronic fatigue and sometimes on holiday I feel like I just need to veg, having said that I do make an effort and get myself in gear otherwise it's not fair on whoever I'm with. If I need time to veg I just say so, I don't keep people hanging around waiting for me. It's reasonable to want some unstructured downtime on holiday, but if he really just wanted to lie around all day he could have just booked some time off work and lain around at home.

That said, I don't think still being asleep at 8 a.m. on holiday is such a heinous crime either, 'up with the lark' isn't how everyone wants to do things while they're on holiday. Personally with my energy levels that would feel more like boot camp and I'd return more tired than before I went away. This thread just illustrates why going away with other people can be such a minefield.

bookmarket · 21/05/2025 11:01

You are not compatible. Often a holiday is a good way of finding this out. Even if he has a very tiring job and likes to lie in and do nothing on holiday - his eating McDonalds in Verona would be the end for me🙄

Ladamesansmerci · 21/05/2025 11:00

If you want a holiday where you're going to sit around all day, book an all inclusive in Spain.

Lake Ghada is expensive. It's also stunning. Not getting up until gone 11am somewhere like that is ridiculous. It's hardly somewhere brimming with nightlife either, so it's not like you can stay up and make up for it.

If OP was expecting her partner up at 6am and ready to go she'd be unreasonable, but wanting to leave somewhere by 10am is perfectly normal.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 21/05/2025 11:00

He wanted to eat Subway or McDonalds in Lake Garda?

Is he a teenager?

Roxietrees · 21/05/2025 10:59

I call this the holiday test. In the past I’ve never fully trusted a relationship until I’ve been on holiday with them. If they fail the holiday test they’re in the bin - going on holiday with someone really shows their true colours. However I’d usually perform this holiday test after about 3 months with a weekend break or something. After a year you really haven’t noticed any of this behaviour before?? Generally I think once you have the ick it’s very difficult to go back, however I do know of a married couple who are just terrible holiday companions and drive each other absolutely mad, but when not on holiday they live together perfectly happily. So they have just decided to stop going on holiday together. Wouldn’t work for me but seems to work for them

honeylulu · 21/05/2025 10:58

As per earlier comment, I'm on your side but not eating until the evening is definitely a bit extreme! I don't usually eat breakfast at home (sedentary job) but I do on holiday, its a nice opportunity to plan the day, check the guidebook etc. Might skip lunch ourselves (the adults) if it's going to be a lazy day but still have to factor in a lunch stop for the kids or they would go ballistic otherwise.

And if it was going to be an active day - lots of walking, hiking or cycling - I would definitely need breakfast and lunch.

I still think your boyfriend is a lazy moaning arse but you do seem rather ... excessive yourself, in the other direction. Whatever you're charging your batteries with, I need some of that!

Blondiney · 21/05/2025 10:58

Frauhubert · 21/05/2025 10:55

I bet he referred to his McDonald’s in Verona as ‘cheeky’ 🤌

Now I’ve got ‘the ick’. 🤢

Ihmppmmwtbwote · 21/05/2025 10:57

You obviously aren't compatible at all, but you seem so polar opposite I'm really surprised you haven't noticed your differences over the past year.

If he's that lazy and not just wanting a holiday relax and to enjoy sampling the delicious local food, then his whole personality would be of a lazy person, and I can't believe you haven't picked up on this before.

SuperTrooper14 · 21/05/2025 10:57

To add, having a McDonald's in Verona is rank. Have a bloody pizza mate!

treesandsun · 21/05/2025 10:57

There are zero point going away if that's the type of holiday that he wanted. He could have just taken annual leave and done that in his own place. H I'm not a jam as much as yu can into a holiday type of person r fill every minute of the day but theres a happy medium between that and doing absolutely fuck all and lying on the bed with your phone.

TheBigFactHunt · 21/05/2025 10:56

Prioritising McDs would be enough to make me run a mile.
I'll bet he usually wears tight trousers and no socks too.
You've lasted a year with this dullard man-child. Get yourself a real man.