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AIBU?

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Original poster

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
rebmacesrevda · 21/05/2025 11:43

Bumcake · 21/05/2025 11:37

That’s been asked several times per page, but no reply.

Show quote history

The suspense is killing me. I am so curious as to how OP got this far with such a man.

ItGhoul · 21/05/2025 11:42

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:31

I don’t eat much until evening. I have a cereal bar in a morning but that’s about it until evening time. This is another way we are incompatible as he’s obsessed with food and eating. It’s all he’s interested in

Show quote history

Your boyfriend’s desire to do nothing all day would drive me mad. Equally, your lack of interest in food would drive me mad. I’d find it just as joyless to go on holiday with someone who just nibbled on a cereal bar until dinner time as I would to go on holiday with someone who say in their hotel room until 5pm.

Honestly, I just don’t think you and your boyfriend are a good match, unfortunately.

Enrichetta · 21/05/2025 11:42

What puzzles me is that you seem surprised - surely his laziness and liking of fast food would have become obvious at some point during the year you dated him…

Melassa · 21/05/2025 11:42

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 11:31

Just want to say my post about the eating seems to have confused people - I do eat! I got ill with Covid years ago and my appetite never returned. I never feel hungry so if I’m on my own I don’t tend to bother unless I feel actual hunger pangs. If I’m with someone I do of course eat 3 meals a day as a social thing.

Breakfast - would loved to have gone out for breakfast by the lake but he was never up so I had a cereal bar.

Lunch time he was just getting up and just wanted to find fast food - so I wouldn’t bother eating myself.

Of course if I’d gone away with a normal person I would have had breakfast by the lake, lunch and dinner in one of the many many lovely restaurants. However he only wanted burgers and chips. So I only ate evening meals where I could get pasta/pizza etc

I’m horrified and depressed for you. The local food is amazing, part of the experience and enjoyment of being there. His juvenile food preferences absolutely limited your enjoyment of the holiday.

I would ditch for the food issue alone. A man with no appreciation of food and flavours (because it’s foreign? Because he’s a fussy bastard who hasn’t outgrown the toddler phase?) would definitely give me the ick.

HeartyViper · 21/05/2025 11:40

This would be a no from me too. I don’t need to travel all the way to Lake Garda to sleep all day. I’m not one to race around all day everyday, I understand people like to relax and I do too, but I wouldn’t want to waste the holiday and think going out at 10am is reasonable. A compromise for both parties.

I think at least you’ve found out he’s not the one for you - say bye and move on, as imagine every weekend being like this!

EllieEllie25 · 21/05/2025 11:40

I’d dump him just for wanting to eat McDonald’s in Italy. That’s grim and such a waste of being in a wonderful place with wonderful food.

I’d also dump him for being too feeble to go to the pool by himself, and for refusing to go for a little exploring walk on the first evening. My DH used to spend the best part of the first four days of any holiday falling asleep because he was chronically sleep deprived before Covid and wfh, so I could live with him needing that much sleep, but not the rest of it. It sounds like there might be something medically wrong with him, but he’s also really boring and selfish.

RawBloomers · 21/05/2025 11:39

However he only wanted burgers and chips.

In Italy! Shock

That would have given me the ick more than the not wanting to do anything!

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 21/05/2025 11:38

Time to say goodbye, if you haven't already done so.

Bumcake · 21/05/2025 11:37

Roxietrees · 21/05/2025 11:37

But I think what most people are wondering is why you haven’t noticed any similar behaviour before the holiday if you’ve been together almost a year?

Show quote history

That’s been asked several times per page, but no reply.

Roxietrees · 21/05/2025 11:37

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 11:31

Just want to say my post about the eating seems to have confused people - I do eat! I got ill with Covid years ago and my appetite never returned. I never feel hungry so if I’m on my own I don’t tend to bother unless I feel actual hunger pangs. If I’m with someone I do of course eat 3 meals a day as a social thing.

Breakfast - would loved to have gone out for breakfast by the lake but he was never up so I had a cereal bar.

Lunch time he was just getting up and just wanted to find fast food - so I wouldn’t bother eating myself.

Of course if I’d gone away with a normal person I would have had breakfast by the lake, lunch and dinner in one of the many many lovely restaurants. However he only wanted burgers and chips. So I only ate evening meals where I could get pasta/pizza etc

But I think what most people are wondering is why you haven’t noticed any similar behaviour before the holiday if you’ve been together almost a year?

bathroomadviceneeded · 21/05/2025 11:34

You sound like myself and my DH. I'm up at the crack of dawn, love to do a millions things every day on holiday, and absolutely hate the feeling of wasting the day. My DH would rather sleep until 3pm, chill, and do a whole lot of nothing. The only thing that's different is that we both love food, so holidays often revolve around lunch and dinner.

It used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore. I get time to myself, I can do what I want, and then we can have a lovely meal together later in the day. Perfect.

Renabrook · 21/05/2025 11:32

So what about him before the holiday made this seems a great idea?

DH and I have different energy levels but we have always compromised so we both get a bit of what we want but we agree on the basics

I just swe you as both being different but if it was the other way around the women be called someome who likes to relax on holiday but of course in a man it is called laziness

Original poster
EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 11:31

Just want to say my post about the eating seems to have confused people - I do eat! I got ill with Covid years ago and my appetite never returned. I never feel hungry so if I’m on my own I don’t tend to bother unless I feel actual hunger pangs. If I’m with someone I do of course eat 3 meals a day as a social thing.

Breakfast - would loved to have gone out for breakfast by the lake but he was never up so I had a cereal bar.

Lunch time he was just getting up and just wanted to find fast food - so I wouldn’t bother eating myself.

Of course if I’d gone away with a normal person I would have had breakfast by the lake, lunch and dinner in one of the many many lovely restaurants. However he only wanted burgers and chips. So I only ate evening meals where I could get pasta/pizza etc

OP posts:
Communitywebbing · 21/05/2025 11:29

Well now you know how incompatible you are and can end things amicably!

TeiTetua · 21/05/2025 11:28

YANBU, and I can't see how this relationship is headed in any kind of a good direction.

Itsjustgonenoonhalfpastmonsoon · 21/05/2025 11:25

It sounds like a lovely part of Italy was entirely wasted on him. Did he know anything about the area before you went? Maybe he expected it to be a lazy holiday rather than a cultural one.

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 11:23

Ick

you are the normal one, he is the abnormal one.

who lies in bed all holiday?!

what a waste

Rollonsummer2025 · 21/05/2025 11:23

You are so not compatible and never will be. Get rid.

HorrorFan81 · 21/05/2025 11:19

I do like a bit of down time on holiday but absolutely wouldn't be spending this much time lolling around a hotel room / sleeping in such a beautiful place - he would have driven me mad and I couldnt be with someone like this.
Actually I couldnt be with some someone who eats McDonald's in Italy (wtf)

Have you decided what to do OP?

Wexone · 21/05/2025 11:19

Lord you are not compatable at all. People have differnt ideas of holidays, as well as that people need their holidays to unwind and relax. I have been to lake Garda, went with my husband who cant relax and has to have things planned. However he also needs a rest and has been close to burn out so have had to force him to relax a bit on holidays. We do a combination of planned and relaxing. Get up around 9 and have a nice breakfast then head on to what ever we do, Food is important to both of us, you need to eat plus in countries like Italy the food is unreal ( aswell as the wine) If you are going exploring would you not fill up on a good breakfast to keep you going ? Then a light lunch and plan somewhere nice for dinner ? You haven't said what either of you do? Did you discuss this holiday before you went ?

Roxietrees · 21/05/2025 11:19

Having read your updates I just can’t understand how you have not noticed how incompatible you are in the last YEAR!! Do you not see each other much? Or not talk much?

I was thinking about what might make me behave like this - have you considered he is perhaps depressed? Or unhappy in the relationship? Sleeping in very late, not wanting to have a long sit down meal with you, a general lack of interest - if it’s not his personality - sounds like either depression or unhappiness in the relationship. Just to give another possibility if you’ve never seen this behaviour in him prior to the holiday

Lins77 · 21/05/2025 11:19

Weefox · 21/05/2025 10:03

It sounds like he could be unwell or with an underlying health issue.

Not necessarily. My stepfather when I was a kid would lie in bed till 4pm on days off. He didn't have a medical issue or an exhausting job. He was just a lazy arse.

doodahdayy · 21/05/2025 11:17

You’re both different extremes. End it now as it won’t work. Someone up at 6 every morning and fasting until the evening would drive me mad but he’s bloody lazy and boring at the other end of the spectrum.

Knightonabike · 21/05/2025 11:16

I’d feel like you and you’re probably incompatible.
However , I do understand that for lots of people, after the exhaustion of airports and stuff they typically spend the first day chilling and relaxing , especially if there’s been a lot of loose ends to tie up at work before the trip or similar . My partner for example is self employed and there are always a million things to do at the last minute just to be able to take a break.
I just entertain myself, pop to the shops for supplies or something while he takes time to recuperate. But I love my own company and feel stifled if I don’t get some time alone so it works out ok.

Flutterbees · 21/05/2025 11:13

My DH and I like to go away on holidays and relax. We often spend whole days at the hotel relaxing around the pool, and alternate that with days when we sightsee, but not all day. My SIL goes hard on holidays…everyday is planned before they get on the plane, and they rarely get a moment to stop. That’s why we don’t holiday together. Your partner isn’t lazy, he just holidays differently to you.