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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
OssieShowman · 21/05/2025 13:24

Spending all that money,, travelling so far, and all he wants to do is laze around
I hope you didn’t pay for his trip.
You go and enjoy yourself, maybe dump him at the airport.

AnnaL94 · 21/05/2025 13:23

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:31

I don’t eat much until evening. I have a cereal bar in a morning but that’s about it until evening time. This is another way we are incompatible as he’s obsessed with food and eating. It’s all he’s interested in

I think he was being very unreasonable by just laying in bed all morning until the afternoon

but…

I can’t see many people enjoying a holiday with their partner if there’s no nice breakfast or lunch.

A cereal bar until the evening is a very unhealthy way to live.

Boredlass · 21/05/2025 13:22

You sound too full on. You’d give me the ick

Augarden · 21/05/2025 13:20

No sense of adventure, no curiosity about being in a different part of the world. Fundamentally incompatible with me, you, and most other interesting people!

CapitalAtRisk · 21/05/2025 13:20

Oh god I would hate that. It would be me on the way to duming him, when we got home.

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 13:20

TheAmusedQuail · 21/05/2025 13:02

Some people (probably not this BF to be fair) work 80 hour weeks (I used to, and still work 50-60 hours weekly) and desperately need our holidays as downtime.

Not dull. Exhausted. Judgemental much?

Yeah I think a lot of people who haven’t done those kinds of jobs don’t realise how wiped out that can make you.

burnoutbabe · 21/05/2025 13:19

My other half loves his lie ins and taking ages to get ready.
yet first holiday we did Disneyland and he was up at 6.30sm to be ready to park drop. As that’s what I do at theme parks. He even suggested a speedy walk to first ride. That’s a keeper!

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:17

JifNtGif · 21/05/2025 13:12

weird response

@JifNtGif

Not really… a lot of people would find the laying around and wanting McDonald’s on holiday to be a turn off

user2848502016 · 21/05/2025 13:17

I’m with you but haven’t voted because there are plenty of people who like to go on holiday and do nothing and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that you’re obviously not that kind of person. It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible tbh, a holiday is a good test of a relationship, time for a serious think if this is right for you

Gettingbysomehow · 21/05/2025 13:16

God what a massive bore he is. I'm in my 60s with more life in me than that.
I'd dump immediately. I'm not interested in men who want to spend their lives in bed and sulk. You'd think he would make some effort.

MyLittleNest · 21/05/2025 13:16

Break up with him. Can you imagine wasting another holiday with him as your companion? Says a lot about him as a person in general.

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:15

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 12:50

i assume he liked mcdonald's before he came on holiday.

this all seems unnecessarily harsh and bad faith for someone you are in a relationship who does things different to you.

inspecting different mcdonald's in different countries is a thing as lot of them have country specific menus and often people when on the move want something they can rely on.

italy doesn't lend itself to quick snack in certain parts so maybe he just wanted something familiar. the lakes are lovely and gorgeous but it will be there everyday you are there.

I think because you have lost your appetite maybe you've forgotten how often people get hungry.

@beAsensible1

“italy doesn't lend itself to quick snack in certain parts so maybe he just wanted something familiar.“

but why? Why bother going some place new if you just want familiar??

Jobsworth7 · 21/05/2025 13:14

chunkyblighter · 21/05/2025 11:49

Lake Garda isn't really a fly and flop destination. Did he want to go to Tenerife but you persuaded him to try Italian culture?! Pearls before swine, my dear!

Unless life is wonderful with him in all other ways I'd say this kind of incompatibility would be the death knell for a longer term relationship. What's he like weekends, short breaks etc? Does he always start late and just want to 'chill'? No oomph.

I agree I wouldn't have forked out for Italy with this guy.

pinkyredrose · 21/05/2025 13:14

Omg he sounds awful. Doesn't seem to be much point in him going on holiday at all. Is he like this usually?

FrogsLoveRain · 21/05/2025 13:13

Gosh OP, you have my sympathy. Throw this one back.

I went to lake Garda with my then bf (now dh) nearly 20 years ago. He was the complete opposite- we did lots together (hiking, sight seeing, rock climbing etc). I had one afternoon by the pool and he was bored 😀

TellySavalashairbrush · 21/05/2025 13:13

I'd say it was just incompatibility. He likes to fly and flop, you like to be active. I don't think that makes him a bad person, just not the right person for you. A holiday is such a good indication of compatibility in a relationship I think. Thankfully you found out before embarking on living together, etc.

Bluedenimdoglover · 21/05/2025 13:13

You are not really compatible. You clearly have more vavavoom than he does. Up to you if you want to stay with someone like that. If you do, suggest separate holidays, sound him out.

JifNtGif · 21/05/2025 13:12

Floofyboy2010 · 21/05/2025 09:16

Ew. That would be it for me as I definitely could not ever have sex with him again. 🤢

weird response

Rememberwhatthedoorknobsaid · 21/05/2025 13:12

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:16

Bloody hell, what a lazy, selfish dullard.

You need a much better boyfriend/holiday companion.

“Dullard” love that - so accurate - yep get rid

KnittyNell · 21/05/2025 13:11

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

Yes I totally agree with you.
They sound totally incompatible.

CharlotteLightandDark · 21/05/2025 13:11

TheAmusedQuail · 21/05/2025 13:02

Some people (probably not this BF to be fair) work 80 hour weeks (I used to, and still work 50-60 hours weekly) and desperately need our holidays as downtime.

Not dull. Exhausted. Judgemental much?

I’m judging this guy yes along with every other poster because he’s lazy and uninterested - not judging you or anyone else keep your knickers on.

ElleintheWoods · 21/05/2025 13:09

Darling, I think you’re overly focused on people that criticise your eating habits. They are what they are and you’ve already made it clear that you’d have liked some meals with him/ willing to compromise.

Everyone has their own preferences and you two just clearly don’t have the same ones. I’d say communication could also be better though. You’ve driven yourself to a point where you’ve had to snap at him, whereas flagging things earlier and in a different way may have helped. And I know you’ve said about discussing plans prior, so sounds like you’ve done that to a fair degree.

IMO it’s a waste of time and money to sleep and eat fast food in a beautiful location. This holiday would drive me bonkers and I’d be off doing my own thing like you. And planning a breakup.

I used to date someone like that. When I was 19! He would want to stay in bed and insist I do the same. Literally just in a dark room sleeping on a beautiful summer day. I got so so frustrated and felt trapped so often.

Just. Don’t. Cut him loose sooner rather than later, you’re different people.

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 21/05/2025 13:06

This would drive me mad! He sounds like my little brother - happy to just lie around on the internet. He will not change! You will spend your life waiting on this man, if you have kids you will be the one dressing them, feeding them, packing bags and daddy will just lie in bed or on the sofa and you will all then spend hours waiting around for him before you can leave. If you want to spend life feeling like you are in a waiting room you should stay with this man but if you want to live life I think you may have to part ways!

wordler · 21/05/2025 13:06

Doesn’t sound like either of you were listening to each other when you discussed how the holiday would work.

When you are together in the UK what time does he get up on a weekend? Are your sleeping and eating schedules compatible at home?

GoldieFish · 21/05/2025 13:04

CharlotteLightandDark · 21/05/2025 12:58

Maybe if he didn’t live on McDonald’s and subway he’d have a bit more energy, he doesn’t sound ill to me just dull and a wet lettuce

Yes, he does.That's not fuel for a normal level of activity on a regular basis, and it suggests his level of curiosity about the world around him is matched by his lack of openness to try foods of other places...