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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 21/05/2025 13:52

@EyeBogie I'd be bored out of my mind with that holiday and I can be fairly lazy but that's for at home where every day is pretty much the same. Holidays are for exploring.

Did you dump him yet? Also is he like this usually?

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:52

By the way the best MaccyDs I’ve ever had ( and I’m not a huge fan) was in Verona- it had a lovely courtyard and different choices to UK - I do agree Italy can be quite hard for ‘snacking’ - especially if like me I’m not keen on pizza slices etc . It’s way more geared up to people eating proper lunches and I’ve yet to have what I call a great hotel breakfast in Italy either - seemed an awful lot of cake and pastries- best hotel breakfasts I’ve had were in Sweden , Denmark and higher end hotels in Germany

Dymaxion · 21/05/2025 13:51

You sound really incompatible holiday wise. He wanted to chill and not move far from the food and pool, you wanted to explore and be out and about. Both are perfectly valid types of holiday.

GingerPaste · 21/05/2025 13:50

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

^This.

I wouldn’t be lying in bed till 11am but I also probably wouldn’t want to be ‘on the go’ from dawn till dusk.

You’re not compatible.

ZenNudist · 21/05/2025 13:48

Neither of you are unreasonable. You just want different things from a holiday. You sound unable to communicate. First holiday together I'd expect to spend a lot of time in bed! Not up at 6am nor sleeping!

Just find someone more on your wavelength

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:47

Thing is OP even some pretty ‘out and about ‘ people don’t necessarily think as you do - I love small foreign towns and markets and sight seeing BUT I also love cafes and beach shacks and restaurants etc and a lot of our holiday is choosing and picking places for meals and nice evening drinks etc ( whilst wandering round) - it’s one of the things we are comparable on - whereas he would spend hours in the sea and I don’t like it at all , but do love a poolside book and a snack and a drink - so we do that separately - probably why I am usually 4kg up after holidays and you with the cereal bar breakfast probably aren’t!! lol

you need to think if it’s a deal breaker for you - if it isn’t, pick wisely and accept plenty of time on your own and rendezvous for lunch and pre dinner drinks and meals - if you want more ‘togetherness, he isn’t going to be it’ - his idea of a relaxing break simply isn’t yours.

Bobnobob · 21/05/2025 13:42

He sounds awful but is this a complete surprise to you? Were you not talking about the kind of holiday you wanted to go on and things you wanted to do before you booked it? Does he sleep that much at home? Is everything always about him? (my DH isn’t a fan of Thai food for example but always suggests that we go to a Thai restaurant if there is a nice one nearby because he knows it’s my favourite)

Anyway, throw this one back OP.. you are not compatible

WayneEyre · 21/05/2025 13:42

I'm with you mostly.I accept I'm an early riser and that's fine. I leave DP to it when he wants a lie in. But this guy sounds boring. Not wanting to go out in the evening, get up til lunch every day, missing plans, eating Mcdonalds on holiday. Yes he can do whatever he wants but it wouldn't be for me.

I think you were a bit unreasonable about him wanting to eat in Verona but you ideally want a nice complementary pace and some compromise where necessary.

You were both doing your own thing and resenting it somewhat. I think he is largely to blame but get the impression you're a bit set in your ways too.

Pembrokecrier · 21/05/2025 13:41

You are both two extremes so therefore are not compatible.

You are not unreasonable to want to finish the relationship but you are unseasonable if you think your way of holidaying will suit everyone.

cordeliavorkosigan · 21/05/2025 13:41

Absolutely ick ick ick .
Never holiday with him again, op.
But how is he at home in the weekend?
Do not have DC with this guy.

anon4net · 21/05/2025 13:39

Imagine this exact situation but at home on a Saturday morning with a couple of kids in tow. Dishes needing doing, kids needing to go out/be entertained, you've been up several times with the toddler while he slept or made snide comments when he was awoken by the noise. There are piles of laundry waiting to be done and you've just worked all week in a paid job, as has he but he's 'knackered'.

This will be your life. It won't change. The romantic illusion he will be a great husband and father is just that.

He's given you a great foreshadow of what is to come.

Believe him.

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 13:39

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:33

I can understand people paying good money to lie around beaches and pools all day - whether it’s my bag or not - however the staying in bed and ganging round your room all day- nope I can do that at home for free

this. him not leaving the room without you is the icky behaviour.

80smonster · 21/05/2025 13:36

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

On my watch he would be dumped for eating McDonald’s in Verona. What a peasant.

coxesorangepippin · 21/05/2025 13:36

I'd find it very distasteful, someone lying in bed on their phone all day

Ugh

museumum · 21/05/2025 13:34

How on earth have you got through nearly a year of weekends without realising how incompatible you are??

coxesorangepippin · 21/05/2025 13:34

It sounds like you are ultimately completely incompatible

I'd be the same as you op, maybe not up quite as early, but definitely out and about exploring

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 13:34

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

Well bankers have enough money that the view is probably worth it while they eat their room service on the balcony! And there’s plenty of people to change the sheets, a bar and a restaurant onsite, often a spa as and massage . It’s better than home for most. 🤷🏻‍♀️

PorgyandBess · 21/05/2025 13:33

You’re completely incompatible. But surely a year in, you’d have had an inkling about the sort of person he is and what he likes from a holiday?

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:33

I can understand people paying good money to lie around beaches and pools all day - whether it’s my bag or not - however the staying in bed and ganging round your room all day- nope I can do that at home for free

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 13:31

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:15

@beAsensible1

“italy doesn't lend itself to quick snack in certain parts so maybe he just wanted something familiar.“

but why? Why bother going some place new if you just want familiar??

because maybe for a quick snack on the road he just wanted something he could shovel in rather than taking a risk while he's on the road and not enjoying it.

clearly OP barely wanted him to eat so getting a quick mcds and back was his idea of useful.

Imm not really a fats food person but if im on the road and want to eat something hot why wouldn't i get chips?

It's all so unnecessarily snitty, i go to italy all the bloody time, some food is good some food isn't.
If you are hungry just get what you know. imagine standing in a queue for 20 mins to get a pizza and its rank and you can't even get anything else as your GF manages off 1 snack and meal so is annoyed at waiting any longer and huffing in the corner because you had the audacity to be hungry

Poiuytrewqa · 21/05/2025 13:30

Blackcountrychik83 · 21/05/2025 09:16

This would annoy the hell out of me . I am not one of those people who goes on holiday to just sit around the pool never mind sleeping in the room . What’s the point ? You could’ve stayed at home to do that . I would be dumping him at the airport on the return home. You both have different ideas of holidays.

Where do you live that you can sit around the pool all day?!

You obviously have very different ideas of holidays OP. If it’s not for you then end it.

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 13:20

Yeah I think a lot of people who haven’t done those kinds of jobs don’t realise how wiped out that can make you.

Edited

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 13:27

AnnaL94 · 21/05/2025 13:23

I think he was being very unreasonable by just laying in bed all morning until the afternoon

but…

I can’t see many people enjoying a holiday with their partner if there’s no nice breakfast or lunch.

A cereal bar until the evening is a very unhealthy way to live.

Why don’t people at least read op’s updates? She does eat and would eat if her partner wanted to go for meals. But he doesn’t, he wants fast food as soon as he gets his lazy arse out of the hotel, mid afternoon.

CapitalAtRisk · 21/05/2025 13:26

It's not even as though you're on an all-inclusive "lie around the pool" type holiday in some modern resort in Turkey. You're at Lake Guarda!

wordler · 21/05/2025 13:25

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:17

@JifNtGif

Not really… a lot of people would find the laying around and wanting McDonald’s on holiday to be a turn off

But most people would have sussed that out about a romantic partner after a year of dating.

Yes, holidays can be a revelation compared to normal life but surely OP had had a weekend overnight with her BF before now and knows he’s not a 6am riser on days off.

People don’t become completely different personalities on vacation.