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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
stayathomer · 21/05/2025 14:51

You’re just different and he just needs to go on holiday on his own! To be honest I’d love a holiday of as much bed time as possible but I would think of whoever was with me too

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 21/05/2025 14:47

@EyeBogie lake garda has a lovely cafe on the shore too with magnificent views! cant believe he didnt want to go! me and my daughter were driving past and spotted the sign for lake garda so we drove down to have a look and let the dogs out for the loo. the view was brilliant and the coffee was too! we would have loved to have stayed overnight but really had to get back for the tunnel booking.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2025 14:45

AlwaysAnExcuseForEverything · 21/05/2025 14:38

I do not understand anyone spending a whole day in a hotel room on holiday unless they've come down with D&V!(Haha saying that, I had a really dodgy stomach on my honeymoon one day and still dragged myself to a beach lounger in the shade.) What an absolute waste of money and good weather just bumming around on his phone indoors. PP saying his preferences are valid too and you're just incompatible?? This man is a human slug. Yuck yuck yuck! Dump him and find someone fun and outgoing. Bet you won't regret it.

You're my mother!

We went away together and I had to explain that I spend my life working, and looking after people. She is retired (from part-time). I only wanted one day lounging around the hotel, reading, napping, lying in a hammock. Yes, I wanted to see the sights. But I also needed to relax, because I never do. I like a mixture.

TBF in Italy, mooching around lovely towns, eating is relaxing. But bus to Verona isn't.

badger2005 · 21/05/2025 14:43

It reads like you're on wife-swap or something, and don't even know this guy. What's your normal life with him like?

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 14:43

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

lie-ins in re great no matter where but lots of other countries have thriving and night time economies so there loads to do till 3 in the morning including a late dinner.

your day doesn't have to start or end at 9

Flyswats · 21/05/2025 14:42

What attracted you to this lackluster bore with limited horizons?
I can't imagine he's exactly a dynamo in bed either,

"oh babe, just climb on top, I'm knackered"

AlwaysAnExcuseForEverything · 21/05/2025 14:38

I do not understand anyone spending a whole day in a hotel room on holiday unless they've come down with D&V!(Haha saying that, I had a really dodgy stomach on my honeymoon one day and still dragged myself to a beach lounger in the shade.) What an absolute waste of money and good weather just bumming around on his phone indoors. PP saying his preferences are valid too and you're just incompatible?? This man is a human slug. Yuck yuck yuck! Dump him and find someone fun and outgoing. Bet you won't regret it.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 21/05/2025 14:33

I’ve been on holiday with friends like this. After two days, I leave them to it.

Gundogday · 21/05/2025 14:28

There’s nothing wrong in having a lazy holiday, but he wasn’t even willing to compromise. For example, the trip to Verona he didn’t get going to midday (and then moaned). Also, what was he expecting prior to the holiday?

subliminated · 21/05/2025 14:27

How disappointing. There is no coming back from the ick.

Dont force yourself through this futile relationship. Sounds grim.

Is he a drinker?

There is nothing remotely attractive about this dull, sloth-like, ignorant character.

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 14:27

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:52

By the way the best MaccyDs I’ve ever had ( and I’m not a huge fan) was in Verona- it had a lovely courtyard and different choices to UK - I do agree Italy can be quite hard for ‘snacking’ - especially if like me I’m not keen on pizza slices etc . It’s way more geared up to people eating proper lunches and I’ve yet to have what I call a great hotel breakfast in Italy either - seemed an awful lot of cake and pastries- best hotel breakfasts I’ve had were in Sweden , Denmark and higher end hotels in Germany

breakfasts in italy were not great unless at an aguriturismo and even then only ok. lunch and dinner is where they shine.

too much cake type things for early morning

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2025 14:26

You’re at two ends of the holiday scale.

You, up early, wants to be doing things. Day is wasting, time is fleeting, go go go.

He is up late, relaxing, eating —crap or I would agree with him—, sleeping, recharging.

If either of you was in the middle, it would be fine. One day lounging around, one day seeing everything. One day eating and wandering, one day snacking from the fridge. But because you are on different ends, there’s no compromise.

Essentially, you’re both wrong!

PlacidPenelope · 21/05/2025 14:25

Ugh, as others have said chuck him back.

What was the point of him going on holiday if all he wanted to do was sleep? Complete waste of time and money visiting such a place. I am glad you did go out but he still managed to ruin it for you with his laziness.

herbaceous · 21/05/2025 14:24

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda.
Maybe I should have tried harder
But it seems to be rude
Just to want bed and fast food
When surrounded by Italy's bounteous larder.

Sassybooklover · 21/05/2025 14:24

Well, the upside is that you now know you're not really compatible. I can't imagine flying to Lake Garda and staying in bed until just before lunch and then complaining about visiting anywhere! What is the point of going away?! May be his idea of a holiday is sitting by a pool for 2 weeks? It clearly isn't yours, and going forward that's going to cause issues. Imagine if you had children?! He'd be doing nothing with them, whilst you had to entertain them all the time!! I'd throw this one back.

BlackSwan · 21/05/2025 14:22

He failed. You gained valuable information though.

But I really came here to say the title of your post sounds like the first line of a limerick.

herbaceous · 21/05/2025 14:22

Must be something about Lake Garda. I was also afflicted with the ick with an ex. Final straw was dithering over which gelato flavour to have of the eleventy billion on display. 'I'll have two scoops. Chocolate, and, er..... chocolate.' FFS.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 21/05/2025 14:22

This would drive me mad. Such a waste of a holiday, he may as well be at home.
It's fine if both people are like this and don't mind losing half the day but you're really not compatible.

theDudesmummy · 21/05/2025 14:18

Ugh. Unless he is ill in some way or recently put on some medication with sedation as a side effect, this is awful behaviour and I would dump him on the spot. He sounds very adolescent.

crumblingschools · 21/05/2025 14:15

So what had been the plan for the holiday when you booked it.

We went to Lake Garda a few years ago with DC. We split the holiday between exploring the area and lounging by the pool. So it can be a sit by the pool holiday, if you don't want to explore. But certainly not worth going if just going to sit in your room and eat McDonalds

Gardengirl108 · 21/05/2025 14:11

When you had the pre-trip discussion, what was agreed between the two of you? Some lazy days, combined with some sightseeing? Did he agree with anything? Did he make suggestions? Did he take responsibility to book flights, accommodation, etc. or did you plan it all? It feels like a real mis-match in expectations. Options are either to discuss and make agreements re future trips or cut your losses due to this incompatibility. I had a similar situation when we went on holiday with wider family. We actually had a holiday meeting where everyone agreed sleeping arrangements (we were renting a villa) and how we would handle days out (we hired two cars) so that nobody felt they had to go everywhere together and people could do their own thing. As soon as we got there, these agreements flew out of the window - there were arguments and it took a long while to get those relationships back on track. Edited for typo

FindingNeverland28 · 21/05/2025 14:07

And this is why they say to go on holiday before you move in together.

Mix56 · 21/05/2025 13:59

You can stay at home & sleep all day, then get up in the afternoon for junk food.
Absolutely no point in paying to go abroad to spend it horizontal.
At least you have this info now.
Ditch the idiot

summerscomingsoon · 21/05/2025 13:57

you are just different people.. neither is wrong you're just not suited.

He wants to go on hols and relax by pool and eat in restaurants, you want to go and do as much as you can and buy food from shops.

least you found out now

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:56

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

@Calliopespa

this! Just stay home in bed and save your money!