Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
VirgosNeedGoals · 21/05/2025 15:49

He sounds a right baby

SunshineIdiot789 · 21/05/2025 15:48

I'd dump him. Lazy and immature. He will only get worse.

Think of all the great places you can't visit because all he does on holiday is sleep.

And can you imagine having kids and having to entertain them while he is sleeping until 11?

waterproofed · 21/05/2025 15:43

Lake Garda sun shines,
he lies still—won’t lift a toe.
The ick floats ashore.

ClairDeLaLune · 21/05/2025 15:41

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

Dump him for this alone! What sort of philistine eats McDonalds in Verona??? But I’d dump him for the laziness too, I couldn’t bear it. When I go somewhere I want to make the most of it and see as much as I can. He’s wasting his life. Don’t waste any more of yours on him.

BountifulPantry · 21/05/2025 15:37

Defo won’t work as you have very different energy levels and different ideas of what fun looks like.

Neither of you is wrong btw- there is nothing wrong with sleeping, relaxing and chilling at the hotel. That’s some people’s idea of a dream. And I have to say I love stopping and properly relaxing sometimes- my body and brain really need it badly, especially in the 24 hours before my period starts.

I am very surprised that you haven’t noticed this at home. When you wake on a Saturday morning is he not still asleep and then wanting a lazy day? Or is it less obvious because you don’t live together yet?

For now, I would tell him your plans and give him the option to opt in or out. I think that when you get home you just need to end things as simply and effectively as possible.

Almostwelsh · 21/05/2025 15:36

How old is he and what does he do for a living? People criticising him seem to be assuming he's relatively young, but he might not be

I know my father used to spend the first week of every holiday just relaxing and then he would explore in the second week. He was over 50 at this point and worked in a heavy manual job. He needed that first week of relaxation.

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 21/05/2025 15:34

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:16

Bloody hell, what a lazy, selfish dullard.

You need a much better boyfriend/holiday companion.

First couple of answers nailed it as per usual.

Bin.

ethelredonagoodday · 21/05/2025 15:33

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/05/2025 09:19

I actually think quite a lot of people want to do very little on holiday (although I’m not one of them). It’s very much a compatibility issue. It doesn’t sound like it will work.

Yep agree.

I have done holidays where I want to do sightseeing and touring, and others where I’m happy doing absolutely zilch. Luckily my DH and kids are the same.

I think as many other have said, it’s not necessarily that he’s being unreasonable, but you definitely both sound to have had different plans in mind!

jaketeckel · 21/05/2025 15:32

He’s got to go!

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/05/2025 15:30

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 09:18

Really good way to find out that you are not compatible.

This hits the nail on the head. This is who he is and he won’t change. Get rid.

This. It's not going to work.

TheShiningCarpet · 21/05/2025 15:25

you know what this is a blessing - now you see you have different values and interests. So, if thats not your thing chuck him back.

LostInMe · 21/05/2025 15:21

You will become his maid, his guardian, his mother, his reason to moan, the 'person who ruined his life'. Run, run, run. I speak from experience! RUN!!!

badger2005 · 21/05/2025 15:21

Does anyone remember that episode of Alan Patridge where he is on the phone to his son, who seems to be spending the day in bed with his girlfriend. Alan Patridge berates him for wasting the day and advises him to get out to an owl sanctuary or Victorian folly?
Seems relevant.

TerrifiedPassenger · 21/05/2025 15:20

I'm an early riser and dp is an owl.

On holiday we've come to compromise that if I wake early I'll get the breakfast sorted, read a book, nip to the shops, out for a walk, whatever.

We then do stuff together

Later in the day he'll sort tea, tidy up a bit, read, sit in the sun etc while I have a nap, and we can both enjoy an evening out.

What you have is so different to our easygoing holiday style. Get rid.

CosyCrab · 21/05/2025 15:20

I can’t comment on St Christopher’s the hall, but assuming you’re talking about St.Davids prep, West Wickham and not Purley, I have heard some terrible things about that place and how it’s run, tons of leavers (pupils and staff alike) so do your research and book an open day to go and see.

ANONMOM25 · 21/05/2025 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Purpleturtle43 · 21/05/2025 15:16

Oh just no! I couldn't tolerate any of that. Doesn't sound like you are remotely suited to each other.

Charmofgoldfinch · 21/05/2025 15:13

It sounds like your lifestyles are incompatible. It’s not a matter of right/ wrong or lazy/ active - you just have differing ideas of what a holiday should be.

FairKoala · 21/05/2025 15:11

You mentioned him saying he was saying he was knackered lately

Is he ill?

I like a lie in on holiday but that is at the latest 10am

Tgen I like to go out and sit by the pool, see the sights or look round the shops etc

Sitting in a bedroom on your phone and going to MacDonalds. Why bother going away

What a waste

SusanLittle76 · 21/05/2025 15:07

If he values you and the relationship he has to ship up or ship out. Be clear to him what you need and expect going forward in this respect. Whatever is going on in his head he has to seek help for as he has lowered your time together to the mundane, The tiredness could be sleep issues or depression. Either way this is not your responsibility you can merely try and influence him if you have the will power.

WaltzingWaters · 21/05/2025 15:02

Gosh, how boring he sounds. I mean, it’s fine to have a relax too on holiday and not be sightseeing all day. But to stay on his phone in bed all day, he may as well have just taken a day off and stayed at home!
Doesn’t sound as though you’re compatible unfortunately, but it was a good way to see. Throw this one back and find someone more exciting.

Flyswats · 21/05/2025 15:02

Did you get a chance to swim in the lake? Or was it not warm enough yet.

blubbyblub · 21/05/2025 14:55

You’ve been together 11 months. Did you not know he had such a basic palette? It must be obvious at home if he’s the sort to want McDs on holiday in Italy.

I am incredibly lazy but he would make me look like speedy Gonzalez

crumblingschools · 21/05/2025 14:55

There is a difference between lounging in bed and lounging round a pool or hammock in the hotel gardens. If you are going to lounge in bed on your phone, do that at home. At least being round the pool is different to being at home

IchBinPapst · 21/05/2025 14:54

I had a boyfriend like this when I was in my twenties. Thought a holiday should just be a whole week in bed only getting out to shower and eat.

He wasn’t that much different when he wasn’t on holiday though, tbh. It was the excessive showering “yes, sure I’ll do (thing), I’ll just jump in the shower first..” that broke the camel’s back in the end.

I married someone who likes the same kind of holidays as I do. I think its important.