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AIBU?

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He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
CornishDew · 21/05/2025 16:51

Your holiday has taught you that you’re not compatible. Some on here will be shocked at your idea of a holiday and others will side with you. I personally am similar with my holidays as you are. However you’re best jumping ship now as it just isn’t going to work

abanemare · 21/05/2025 16:43

Close call. Move on, no rights or wrongs, you're chalk and cheese, that's all. Good you found out now, though

Rhibug · 21/05/2025 16:42

I’m also not sure why people are kind of attacking you for getting up early and not eating much. That’s not really relevant to the topic here, since you aren’t the one spoiling the holiday. You weren’t forcing him out of bed at 6am, nor were you telling him he was only allowed to eat a cereal bar. You sound like you just wanted to enjoy your holiday and this lazy guy spoilt the entire thing. I’d love to know more about how he behaved prior to the holiday. Did he already do stuff like this that would annoy you? Did he have a problem with staying in bed all day at home too, or is he only like this when travelling? Does he have lots of amazing redeeming qualities, aside from this behaviour when on holiday? Lol.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2025 16:36

Didn’t want to go for a walk by the lake when you’re staying opposite? I bet the OP does everything at home, too. I’d be so bored, hanging round for hours while he slept.

My family has a rule, try to be out by 9/10, sometimes a bit late due to numerous dc, but I don’t see the point of going somewhere to stay in bed half the day. What a waste of money!

Rhibug · 21/05/2025 16:36

You’re definitely NOT being unreasonable. It’s bizarre to travel to a beautiful place like Lake Garda, to pay for a hotel there but then try to spend the entire time just stagnating in bed, sleeping, wasting coffee and then trying to hunt down greasy fast food places that can be found everywhere at home, rather than trying out the restaurants that serve local fresh food. He may as well have stayed at home and saved the money or stayed in a hotel next to McDonald’s in his local town lol. What a waste of a holiday, money and the opportunity to explore a new place.

Also, your relationship is still in the new and exciting phase, so you’d think he’d be happy to take sunny walks with you in a beautiful setting, whilst having great uninterrupted conversations getting to know you better, a little relax by the pool and some nice dinners that you don’t get to experience at home. I think you deserve better and should probably let him go after this, he sounds really boring and quite selfish too 🤷‍♀️❤️

butteredhorseradish · 21/05/2025 16:34

You're not compatible.
You wouldn't be compatible with me either because I couldn't be doing with someone who was up at 6 am and only ate a cereal bar all day.
On the other hand I couldn't be doing with him either lying around until midday every day and not bothering to go out and see things on holiday.

I think you should dump him and find someone else who is a better match.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 16:31

Do you know what, i haven't read the full thread because mumsnet have taken away the page numbers?!? I thought it was on the first page of the thread 😅

Apologies if I've repeated what's already been said x

Coffeislife · 21/05/2025 16:31

This is why you holiday together before living together!! Very incompatible.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 16:29

How old are you and how old is he?

You sound incompatible girl - a man wanting mcdonalds in Italy is insane. Childish.

Does he like to go out at night? Clubbing, that kind of thing? Because that could be fun

It reads to me that he's older than you, and is tired 😫 - I can understand tbh, i wouldn't have the energy to be up at 6am everyday, biking xx

SamDeanCas · 21/05/2025 16:28

Sounds like you have very mid matched ideas of what you want for a holiday. Why on earth did he agree to lake gada if all he wanted to do was sleep sleep and eat. He might as well just stayed at home.

my DH is an early riser and I like a lie in, so he will go off and do his stuff first thing and then we’ll both head out at 10 ish. I wouldn’t dream of staying in bed and play on my phone all day. What a boring sod.

Iceandfire92 · 21/05/2025 16:26

I'm wondering if he was pretending to be asleep to avoid spending time with you OP. It sounds like he lacks assertiveness and is conflict avoidant; pretending to sleep to avoid being herded around doing things he isn't keen on certainly sounds like the easier option.

There seems to be an extreme disparity between energy levels in this case. OP sounds like the more assertive planner out of the two; did he have much say in the holiday planning? Do people who prefer to spend their holiday lounging around a pool usually choose Lake Garda for a holiday or do they choose an all- inclusive in Crete or similar?

Edit: I just saw someone posted he ate Maccy Dz in Verona! Bin immediately and if it isn't rubbish day yet, a trip to the tip is in order!

Motheroffive999 · 21/05/2025 16:24

Is this an actual adult you took with you ?

mathanxiety · 21/05/2025 16:23

Run for the hills!!!

I'd have strangled him.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 21/05/2025 16:17

I'd be asking the hotel if there was another room I could move to and end the relationship. Seriously.

You're on holiday in a beautiful location with presumably lovely weather. And he has literally spent most of it sleeping or sulking in the hotel room and actively annoyed that you actually want to see and do things? And won't even sit by the pool by himself like a grown up?

Ick, ick, ick

I'd be so done and out the door doing what I want to do for the rest of the holiday when I'm ready to do it. No more making coffees for him, catering to his moods, waiting around for him to be dragged about.

Just no.

Umbilicat · 21/05/2025 16:11

Sorry for not having RTFT and sure this has been asked before but was he like this before you went away? How did you not notice in nearly a year?

PinkyFlamingo · 21/05/2025 16:09

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:31

I don’t eat much until evening. I have a cereal bar in a morning but that’s about it until evening time. This is another way we are incompatible as he’s obsessed with food and eating. It’s all he’s interested in

I don't think he's obsessed with food and eating at all. It's pretty normal thing to do on holiday having breakfast and lunch. Whereas one cereal bar during the day doesn't sound normal.

Isthisit22 · 21/05/2025 16:07

Why on earth are you together? He sounds like a child- sleeping all day, not dating to go anywhere without you, and eating macdonalds in Italy.
surely, you knew he was like this? Why be in a relationship with him?

WestwardHo1 · 21/05/2025 16:05

Or a limerick

Oh he gave me the ick in Lake Garda
He really really should’ve tried harder
Stayed in bed til midday
I was repelled, ran away
That lazy good for nothing in Lake Garda

WestwardHo1 · 21/05/2025 16:04

Time to say farewell I think. Or go on separate holidays. I like lazing around and doing the odd bit of sightseeing. DP likes tearing around on a horrible noisy motorbike. Other than short breaks we don't holiday together.

Apart from that, I absolutely love the title of your thread 😁. Currently working on a song called "Oh he gave me the ick in Lake Garda". It would be perfect for Kirsty McColl if only she was still alive.

Titasaducksarse · 21/05/2025 16:02

Holidays look different to everyone and whilst I can understand he might want a chill, you had planned Verona. He couldn't get his arse up on time for that.

My partner and I have different energy levels but always discuss each evening the plan for the next day so we know if we need to be up and out a certain time or if it's a leisurely plan etc.

LittleMG · 21/05/2025 15:58

I think you’re both a bad match. One thing I really do like about being with my husband is we do tend to want to do the same things at the same time and it makes being with him relaxing and enjoyable. I’d say no hard feelings but you’re not meant to be. I’m sure there is someone much better suited to you out there just waiting to be found.

SpookyMcTaggart · 21/05/2025 15:57

He sounds boring. Wanting a bit of a rest is understandable after a journey, but I can't understand arriving in a beautiful place like Lake Garda and not wanting to explore, at least the immediate area around the hotel. Where is his curiosity?

StopStartStop · 21/05/2025 15:55

CountryQueen · 21/05/2025 09:14

God can you imagine if you had kids with him? Get rid immediately

That's the thing. Do that.

BagelandEggs · 21/05/2025 15:55

It sounds like you're incompatible! Don't give up what you want to do to accommodate someone who can't be bothered with anything!

GinAndJuice99 · 21/05/2025 15:51

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
It certainly dampened my ardour
Lazed in bed on his phone-a
Had junk food in Verona
Just call me the boyfriend discarder