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Original poster

My boyfriend has not been supportive after abortion

109 replies

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:19

Hello, so I found out that I was pregnant last month after missing my period - I took a test and there was two big bright red lines.
I thought long and hard about the decision however I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into my life the way it is at the moment. I decided to opt for an abortion - filled in a consultation this was all carried out on phone calls & I was then sent out in the post an abortion kit at home.

This was around 5 days ago now - my boyfriend keeps trying to have sex with me I told him no I’m not doing it I am not going through or having to make the decision I have just had to - he started calling me a baby killer - saying the reason I did abort is because it wasn’t his baby etc etc. literally not the case.

we was cuddling last night, literally 5 minutes in he’s there trying to pull my pants down I said no he kept trying I said no I’m not risking it he can wait until I am contraception + I am still bleeding + very fertile at the moment.

He huffed and got off me told me he didn’t want to just cuddle me and just turned to the side onto his phone - I told him he has no respect for me or my body or what I’ve just had to go through not only mentally but physically.

he then about 20 minutes apologised started to cuddle me again too which I did and he he tried pulling his pants down again and mine I said no again - at this point I was getting annoyed because he was not listening to me anyway from here he just turned away again.

he then said I never want to touch him and that I’m boring - I said to him that we have literally just been cuddling, how do I not touch him. He said that’s boring, I said he only wants to even touch me for sex that’s it he said yeah he does because he can’t stand me.

i haven’t even told my mum about the abortion - I haven’t told anyone but him I have no one else I can speak to so I guess this may be the reason behind the post today

OP posts:
Dozer · 21/05/2025 08:45

Go back to your mums. Tell her as much or as little as you think will help you.

Copperoliverbear · 21/05/2025 08:44

Get rid of him today he’s a loser (narcissist )

Ellie1015 · 21/05/2025 08:43

I would have made the same decsion with him as father never kind your other reasons. Great you are not connected to this idiot for life. I would absolutely leave. His behaviour is awful.

CagneyNYPD1 · 21/05/2025 08:41

If you were my daughter, I would want you to tell me what’s happening. And I would want you to come home.

How old are you @Mumblebee24?

Emilysaltandpepper · 21/05/2025 08:41

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

Oh heavens… I think you posted about this

I can’t believe you went back

MissDoubleU · 21/05/2025 08:41

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

Don’t worry about feeling stupid. Go back to your mums. Explain that he’s being abusive and you maybe even need help to keep him away. You gave him another chance and he’s shown you for sure who he really is and you just need help. I bet she will understand and just want you safe. She will care more about you being safe than she will about how “stupid” you look, which I promise you don’t. Don’t stay tied to this horrible man to keep up appearances.

OneAmusedShark · 21/05/2025 08:38

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:31

The comment he’s made has really hurt me as I found it hard enough going for the option of an abortion. But with my relationship and life at the moment abortion was the best option it would not morally be fair bringing a child into a fkeddd up situation. I still feel really guilty for what I’ve done and him keep accusing me of cheating and telling me I’m a baby killer is just making my head spiral if I have actually made the right choice or not

Don’t beat yourself up. At the stage you did it, it was a cluster of cells and no more.

It doesn’t come to “life” (ie
movement, heartbeat etc) until much later.

His attitude towards you shows what he’s really like.

Now’s the time to gather your resources, run and don’t look back. Block him.

And you have no reason to tell anyone else about it unless you want to. It’s no-one else’s business.

If anyone asks why you left and you feel
you want to explain, all you need to say is that you discovered he was really a nasty piece of work who pestered you for sex, which is perfectly true.

Original poster
Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

OP posts:
LavenderBlue19 · 21/05/2025 08:36

Well thank goodness you didn't have a baby with him.

Leave him. Being pestered for sex when you're unwell/don't want it is a huge red flag.

MissDoubleU · 21/05/2025 08:34

This man is disgusting and abusive. Please dump him, there are much nicer men who won’t make you feel terrible, who won’t hurt you and who won’t pressure you for their own gratification.

Ginmonkeyagain · 21/05/2025 08:34

Oh my lord. You made a very difficult but adult decision that was right one for you. Even so you need time to emotiknally and physically recover. So instead of supporting and caring for you, this horrible creature is verbally abusing you and trying to force himself on you. He is a horrible abusive sex pest. Dump him and congratulate yourself on a lucky escape.

Emilysaltandpepper · 21/05/2025 08:34

Op you won’t finish this relationship will you?

do either you or he already have children?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/05/2025 08:33

whynotmereally · 21/05/2025 08:27

He wants you to have sex with him when he knows you don’t want to

He is calling you awful names because you made the difficult but completely right choice to have a abortion.

He accuses you of cheating.

he hasn’t supported you in this difficult time

he doesn’t respect or care for you

This is an awful relationship, it doesn’t matter if sometimes he’s lovely or even if you love him. He’s awful to you and you deserve better.

All of this OP. I'm not sure if you realise just how selfish his behaviour is, putting his want to have sed above any of your feelings, and how abusive it is to try and make you do it anyway, through not listening/ name calling etc when you say no. Coercion is a crime. You totally made the right decision with the abortion as he doesn't care about you and this situation has shown you that this isn't the man for you

Dozer · 21/05/2025 08:33

Verbally and sexually abusive loser: get out of the relationship.

Original poster
Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:33

Emilysaltandpepper · 21/05/2025 08:27

Of course it does

the latter would imply the op and this vile creature were actively trying to become parents

Which quite frankly, is terrifying

Edited
Show quote history

So I was on the contraceptive patch - not too sure on what happened - with the patch I did make him pull out as well to just be on the safer side but obviously I’m aware the pull out method isn’t contraception however it was used along side the patch

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 08:32

Re-read your post, OP. Then re-read it again.
This is not a good person you’re involved with, and you deserve much, much better.

Hope you’re doing OK, physically and emotionally. It’s a tough time. Stay strong xx

Feelingstrange2 · 21/05/2025 08:32

Dump him. That's the next sensible decision you need to make.

Don't waste any more time on this pest

You made absolutely the right decision.

Original poster
Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:31

The comment he’s made has really hurt me as I found it hard enough going for the option of an abortion. But with my relationship and life at the moment abortion was the best option it would not morally be fair bringing a child into a fkeddd up situation. I still feel really guilty for what I’ve done and him keep accusing me of cheating and telling me I’m a baby killer is just making my head spiral if I have actually made the right choice or not

OP posts:
PurpleReindeer2 · 21/05/2025 08:31

Do yourself a really big favour and dump this abusive idiot. He has no respect for you at all.

reesespieces123 · 21/05/2025 08:29

Surely you mean ex boyfriend?

MushMonster · 21/05/2025 08:29

OP, you need to leave this man. NOW!
This is a run for the hills moment.
Pack your things and go to your family's home. Do you live near them? Can you go to work/ study from there?
Do not think twice. You need to leave him. And not planning to leave, but actually leave, this very moment.
He is beyond disgusting.

Branleuse · 21/05/2025 08:28

Kick him out. Hes a nasty shit

babystarsandmoon · 21/05/2025 08:28

That sounds horrendous for you.

Tell your mum - She will want to support you.

Emilysaltandpepper · 21/05/2025 08:27

OneAmusedShark · 21/05/2025 08:27

Does that matter either way?

Show quote history

Of course it does

the latter would imply the op and this vile creature were actively trying to become parents

Which quite frankly, is terrifying

whynotmereally · 21/05/2025 08:27

He wants you to have sex with him when he knows you don’t want to

He is calling you awful names because you made the difficult but completely right choice to have a abortion.

He accuses you of cheating.

he hasn’t supported you in this difficult time

he doesn’t respect or care for you

This is an awful relationship, it doesn’t matter if sometimes he’s lovely or even if you love him. He’s awful to you and you deserve better.