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Original poster

My boyfriend has not been supportive after abortion

109 replies

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:19

Hello, so I found out that I was pregnant last month after missing my period - I took a test and there was two big bright red lines.
I thought long and hard about the decision however I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into my life the way it is at the moment. I decided to opt for an abortion - filled in a consultation this was all carried out on phone calls & I was then sent out in the post an abortion kit at home.

This was around 5 days ago now - my boyfriend keeps trying to have sex with me I told him no I’m not doing it I am not going through or having to make the decision I have just had to - he started calling me a baby killer - saying the reason I did abort is because it wasn’t his baby etc etc. literally not the case.

we was cuddling last night, literally 5 minutes in he’s there trying to pull my pants down I said no he kept trying I said no I’m not risking it he can wait until I am contraception + I am still bleeding + very fertile at the moment.

He huffed and got off me told me he didn’t want to just cuddle me and just turned to the side onto his phone - I told him he has no respect for me or my body or what I’ve just had to go through not only mentally but physically.

he then about 20 minutes apologised started to cuddle me again too which I did and he he tried pulling his pants down again and mine I said no again - at this point I was getting annoyed because he was not listening to me anyway from here he just turned away again.

he then said I never want to touch him and that I’m boring - I said to him that we have literally just been cuddling, how do I not touch him. He said that’s boring, I said he only wants to even touch me for sex that’s it he said yeah he does because he can’t stand me.

i haven’t even told my mum about the abortion - I haven’t told anyone but him I have no one else I can speak to so I guess this may be the reason behind the post today

OP posts:
fussychica · 21/05/2025 09:14

LTB. Sounds vile.

polarsystem · 21/05/2025 09:12

OneAmusedShark · 21/05/2025 08:25

The relationship would be over for me after the “baby killer” remark.

If you were using the pills, presumably the pregnancy was ended before 12 weeks?

At that point there is no heartbeat, movement or working central nervous system.

At that point, biologically speaking the pregnancy was never “alive”.

Thats the reason most European countries have a 12 week limit.

You can do better than this waster who only seems interested in one thing.

This is simply not true. The foetus has a heart beat from around the sixth week.

user2848502016 · 21/05/2025 09:12

Dump him, please dump him!

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:12

OP, you made the right choice about your unplanned pregnancy, now do the same with your relationship. This man is AWFUL, abusive and couldn’t give a fuck about you.

Give yourself the respect you deserve and take out the trash.

Viviennemary · 21/05/2025 09:10

He is a horrible abusive nasty bully. A nd you need him out of your life.

Mischance · 21/05/2025 09:08

he started calling me a baby killer - and then you were "cuddling"? - really!?

Pick up your self-respect, pack your bags and put this "man" out of your life right now .......

Catandsquirrel · 21/05/2025 09:07

He's absolutely disgusting. If there's any confusion now, give it a few weeks or months and you will see his behaviour far more clearly.

Fyreheart · 21/05/2025 09:06

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

I said he only wants to even touch me for sex that’s it he said yeah he does because he can’t stand me.

Is this the life you want for the next 50 / 60 years?
I certainly wouldn't.

He is a sex pest, he is nasty, he is spiteful

Move back to your mums and block him. And if he does manage to get in contact with you - just repeat what he said to you "why do you want me back, when you 'cant stand me' ?" and watch the lies pour forth from his shitty mouth

Disturbia81 · 21/05/2025 09:03

OP this isn’t normal, women don’t have to be with nasty men. You can be free or you can find someone much nicer. I think this has all worked out well, you shouldn’t have a baby with this cretin

Soontobe60 · 21/05/2025 09:01

There’s a name for men who try to force sex on women …

FloatingTurtles · 21/05/2025 09:01

At least you have some extra reassurance that you made the right decision.
Make sure you end the relationship and don't stay with that man. That's crossed the line into being abusive.

BodenCardiganNot · 21/05/2025 08:59

The only choice you have to make now is to leave him.

insomniaclife · 21/05/2025 08:59

Good god woman. He’s a horrible man even by the standards of men.

Cuppachuchu · 21/05/2025 08:59

Pack up your stuff, go back to your mums. This man is very bad news, and you can do infinitely better. Look after yourself.

Pickingdates · 21/05/2025 08:59

Thank goodness you had an abortion.
He is scum.

If you place ANY value on your life and future, you will pack up and go to your mums.

Tell him to never contact you again.

Involve the police if he contacts you again.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk asap.

Mind yourself.

Aihospit · 21/05/2025 08:58

You need to feel safe, your soon to be ex boyfriend does not make you feel safe which is why he needs to be ex very quickly.

Go back to your mum's. It will feel safe so you can get over the last few hard weeks.

Then move on, free to meet someone absolutely lovely!

There's a reason the wedding vows include better or worse, sickness and health over time, you need to support each other when times are hard or difficult.

AlorsTimeForWine · 21/05/2025 08:58

You 💯 made the right choice.... having a child and tying yourself to this abusive dickhead for 18 years / a lifetime would have been the mistake.

He is abusive and awful

people who love you dont call you a baby killer and sexual harass you.

Please please please dont waste your life.
Leave this awful man.

If you were my child i would want you to talk to me so I could help you through this. 💗

LaurieFairyCake · 21/05/2025 08:58

Just dump him, he’s an abusive cunt

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2025 08:58

People show their true colours in stressful situations

He isn't a keeper. Toss him back

HoppingPavlova · 21/05/2025 08:57

Christ, get rid of him pronto. Also, you made the right decision, as otherwise you would be lumbered with this nasty piece of trash in one way or another for the next 20 odd years and that would be a real fail.

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 08:56

Dump him. He's a truly awful man, and he doesn't care about you.

MammaTo · 21/05/2025 08:56

Please end the relationship. You’ve 100% done the right thing by not bringing a baby into this, now do the right thing for yourself and leave.

Tangerinenets · 21/05/2025 08:53

Jesus he sounds absolutely vile! This isn’t right in any circumstance let alone what you’ve just been through.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 21/05/2025 08:50

You're not a baby killer, it wasn't even a baby, it was a clump of cells. You made the best decision you could with the information you had. It was a hard decision, but you did it and I would have done the same. I have done the same.

You deserve to be loved and treated with respect and this next decision should not be so hard, he's making it really easy for you actually. You need to separate. He is abusive, he objectifies you simply to fill his wants, and he does not respect that you are a living breathing person.

Don't be sad, be angry. Get rid of this loser.

MyGingerNinja · 21/05/2025 08:50

OP the abortion was absolutely the right choice in these circumstances. Please speak to your mum, as a parent of a daughter the thought of my child being with someone as abusive and vile as your boyfriend fills me with dread and I would do anything in my power to help them get out and stay out of such a relationship. You deserve so much better than this-if this is now just think what your future life with him would be now. Leave him now and ask your family for support and never go back.