To spend my inheritance on learning to drive?

Why don’t people read the post ?
she clearly says she’s failed 4 times. She clearly says she’s tried automatic.

She’s failed 4. Says in the first post.

If you want to go for it OP, then go for it and good luck for it all, hope you get through.
I didn't want to learn and still don't even now I'm older. So many reasons why I don't and if anyone wants to sneer that's their problem. I don't rely on anyone for lifts and don't like being a car.

I would try 10 more lessons in an automatic, before throwing the towel in.

I would say that’s an excellent use of the money.

I only passed last year at 38. Had been doing lessons since I was 19 on and off. After I had my little boy I had more motivation to do it. I still don't drive very far and won't go on motorways, but it helps to go and do the shopping and little days out with my son.
I am still a nervous driver but it has got a bit better over the last year.
I'd recommend trying one more time to see how you get on. Set yourself an amount of £ you would be willing to part with for now.

I would use some of the money to have a couple of hypnotherapy sessions to give you some confidence.
Then give the driving one more shot. Don't think about it in terms of what you husband does or doesn't do, think of the freedom and time saved not waiting for buses. As your child gets older they also need more dropping here and there.
Good luck OP!

So I’m not very different to you, I had to learn to drive for work and I passed on my sixth attempt last month. I found having my own car and using it everyday for dropping the kids etc ( with my partner next me) really helped with confidence, you know the rules of the road by now after doing lessons all this time. I never wanted to drive but it has honestly made life so much easier, I’ve got time for a hobby now because I don’t have to wait around for buses or my partner to take me.

Do an intensive course. You won’t get the benefit if you drag it out over weeks. It’s more expensive but then it’s just done. And have a car lined up to drive immediately you pass. If you let it drift between passing and driving,you’ll be back where you started.

£12K won’t go that far on Ubers really. Let’s assume a local trip is £12 and you do 4 trips a week - one there and back for shopping and one there and back for swimming. That’s gone in under 5 years and you’ll be left with no money and no driving license either

unless you feel that your dyspraxia is a huge hurdle, I’d go for the intensive course. If you still fail, it was meant to be and you will have to investigate other options for you, but you won’t have wasted the whole amount.

Why can't your DH give you some lessons? For free?

I understand you are scared. But I think you should do it. It will give you independence … you never know if and when you might need that independence. I also think it’s a nice gesture towards your husband, giving this another go. Find someone who’s really kind and gives you really good tips - and confidence. Those instructors are out there! Also if at all possible drive an automatic. It is 10x easier and they are the future! (I failed my driving test 4 times. The fifth time I had a no nonsense woman, who said ‘I don’t see why they failed you four times. You can drive. You’re fine.’ That was all the confidence I needed. Many years later I not only can drive ‘fine’, I’d like to think I’m actually a good driver, and I enjoy it! You can do this, OP!)

I’ve been driving for 28 years. I love it. I especially love the freedom it gives me.
However, I have 2 friends that gave up driving after passing the test & driving for a good few years (both have DHs that drive) One mainly uses buses with the odd taxi. The other is 100% taxi only & swears by the convenience of it - she worked out between buying the car, servicing, insurance, road tax & fuel it was cheaper to hop in a taxi and no stress about parking or having a drink.

I struggled to learn too eventually passing at 35. I found the traditional structure of lessons didn’t work for me I needed longer/ more intensive. I found a lovely instructor who would do a two hour lesson *3 a week in early afternoon, baby slept in the back. Lots of practice driving family car. Drive every day until it’s second nature.

Hi, I passed my test in my 40's after stopping and starting learning, because I had a child. I found a very nice driving instructor used to slightly older nervous people and learnt in an automatic. I also watched YouTube videos of people doing practice tests in my local test area etc and tips as what can go wrong.

I can't say I enjoyed the lessons, but I enjoyed talking to the instructor. I passed my test and gradually getting confidence to go to new places. Haven't had to parallel park once since the test over a year ago. I lucked out with a very nice examiner and we chatted all through the test. Lots of people don't pass first time - my relative knew of a fighter jet pilot who took several goes. So try and leave old experiences behind and go for it if that's what you want.

It would absolutely be great use of the money.......and if you could drive you'd be less dependent on that husband....

Sorry, this is going to be a monster of a post. TLDR - go for the driving lessons!

The vast majority of dyspraxic people can learn to drive just fine. There’s a reason DVSA doesn’t want to hear about the condition, unless it’s a really, really extreme case.

The only thing is that it usually takes longer (and the process can be really frustrating unless you get the right instructor and stop beating yourself up over learning differently). But once you’ve figured it out, you’ll be at least as safe on the roads as anyone else - possibly more, because you’ll hopefully be better aware of your own skill level and limits than most of the drivers out there.

So I’d say, if you’re thinking about it, just go for it.

I recently wrote down some advice in another thread where the OP was struggling with learning to drive. Their situation was not exactly the same as yours, but I’ll copy my post here in case you might find some of it useful:

"First, focus on getting some more self-awareness about how you learn. This is the most important thing you can do. No instructor, no matter how good, can see the inner workings of our brain. You’re the one who needs to figure this out: what you struggle with, what helps and what does not. Only then can you ask for the right kind of help from an instructor.

Once you’ve had a good think about this, find a new instructor. Ask for recommendations (on local social media groups, from friends or neighbours etc). Check online reviews. When you find one that looks like they might be a good match, talk to them about what you find challenging and what you need to be able to learn. If they respond well (you’re looking for curiosity and willingness to try different things) do a trial lesson. If that goes well, you’re on your way. If it does not, keep looking.

Try taking everything back to the basics at first. Make sure you feel comfortable controlling the car before you start tackling the traffic. Under 17 driving schools are a great idea. So are quiet industrial estates or giant empty car parks. If you need to drive around one of these for 20 hours to feel like you can confidently handle the steering, speed, gears, etc, just do it. Do not rush this part - it will pay off.

Once you’re back in traffic, pick one thing at a time to work on. E.g. for your next lesson, you’ll just be focusing on steering and positioning, or junction approach routines including mirror checks. Your instructor can sort out everything else for you, either by telling you exactly what to do and when, or physically doing it for you. Once you’ve got the hang of this one thing, move on to the next.

And every time you’re out, keep reflecting on what’s working for you and what’s not. If you find something especially challenging, look at videos between lessons to get an idea of different ways to approach it, and discuss it with your instructor to get a better understanding of how it works.

All this might seem like a big step back if you’ve been having lessons for a while. But the fact is, you’ve probably picked up so many unresolved issues along the way that trying to fix them all in one go is just going to end up with you tying yourself in even more knots. Not helpful.

Next, drive the test routes in your area until you’re familiar with the road layouts, usual traffic patterns and such. Do a few mock tests to get structured feedback. Book a test and take it as soon as you’ve got a 50:50 chance of passing (but expect to fail the first time and only treat it as an opportunity to get real life test experience).

Shorter lessons are also a good shout. Again, self-awareness helps. Learn to recognise the length of time your brain can handle in one go (this will get longer as you get more used to driving, but don’t try to do too much too soon). Don’t go over that time because you’ll only overwhelm yourself and feel rubbish afterwards.

And finally, you need to get to grips with the fact that you’ll always make mistakes. Even after you’ve passed. Everybody does, including those with plenty of experience, so you’ll just need to live with that knowledge."

Go for it! I've just passed at 40 best thing I ever did! Why not buy a little car, get your husband to sit with you that way you will gain so much more confidence on the road. Google good driving instructors and have 2hrs a week. It's worth mentioning that to get a test now is very hard, I had to wait 7 months for my first, I failed that then I had to wait another 4 months for the second! So you've potentially got lots if time there to practice,practice,practice! Drive everywhere, shops,nursary,school,days out with the family! Nobody ever regrets passing their test and I bet your nanny would be proud you spent the money on something that you all will benifit from! You can do it!

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2024/mar/29/how-a-shrink-on-wheels-helped-fix-my-driving-anxiety

Good luck, OP! I think it's a great idea!

Do you want to learn to drive? Your dyspraxia is a genuine reason why you struggle and whilst you shouldn’t let it hold you back equally it is a valid reason why you haven’t passed yet.
your dp seems like he wants you to do it for his benefit not yours.

Find an instructor who specifically deals with students ghosted by other driving instructors. They are out there you have to do your research.

Expect to pay a premium.

Don’t give up.

I can't quite get past 'he doesn’t do much around the house and often says things like “if you could drive you could go and do the weekly food shop” “if you could drive I’d get you to drive home” “if you could drive you could do the swimming lessons with the baby”
Why doesn't he do much around the house? Why doesn't he want to continue swimming lessons with his baby?
I'm afraid I agree with you that, if you did learn to drive, he'd use it as an excuse to do even less.

First, develop a very thick skin about people who sneer at non-drivers. They wouldn't want the roads to be full of dyspraxic people who can't judge speed or distance and hesitate forever on roundabouts and sliproads, due to delayed neural responses. I used to feel so ashamed. Now I don't give a damn.

Definitely try learning in an automatic this time, and plan for any car you buy to be an automatic with all the add-ons to help you park and drive safely.

If it is still beyond you, just put aside the money most people spend on a car each year - on insurance, petrol, repayment instalments, MOT, tax etc and spend it on Ubers and taxis and man-with-a-van collection and drop off services. You get a surprising amount of safe passenger time in a cab for the money most people spend on having a car.

Try lessons again (in an automatic).

I didn't do lessons until my mid 30's. I'm autistic over anxious, no co-ordination, etc. The motivator was wanting to drive for my children - take them to clubs/events etc.

Took me nearly 2 years, 3 different instructors (one dumped me, one made in appropriate comments, one was amazing).

I failed a few times.

I needed to learn slowly and build up confidence. Thankfully found an instructor who realised this (I didn't realise it myself at the time) and always believed I'd pass. Think they were delighted when I did because they sick of seeing me.

We also bought an old car for me after failing a test to re-motivate me, go driving with DP and I passed the next time.

Agree with this.

I can't drive either, I'm 40. Never tried. Have a health thing too.