Renting my property to husband’s ex

literati · 2025-05-21T00:47:18+00:00

Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other. Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

Walkerzoo · 05/06/2025 21:29

I am so pleased. I think I was one of the first to suggest that if possible please try and make it work. My pal rents from her dad and get UC to pay..... So with a full paper trail it will be possible. She probably also doesn't want to be in your house.

There are many times when people put money ahead of people and children so it is lovely you all have been pragmatic.

I wish you all the best and I wish some families do this more often.... Putting the children first

OliveWah · 01/06/2025 18:39

I think that's a great decision, and it sounds like you've really talked it through properly with all concerned. I bet the kids will be happy too!

Serpentstooth · 01/06/2025 08:10

Don't do it, recipe for future unhappiness all round. Your husband can pay a deposit, if necessary, and pay the rent or be guarantor on a new place.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/06/2025 08:01

literati · 21/05/2025 21:38

I would just like to clear up that my SC mother is NOT lazy or irresponsible, she works in a care home often night shifts when the girls are staying with us, it pays shit money but it’s essential and hard work. My reticence to rent my property to her is not because I think she will intentionally stop paying rent or be a bad tenant she is pretty sensible I think. I don’t even really care about the money as poster are right I don’t need it and my daughter will have more than enough. It’s purely because it’s bloody AWKWARD! We get along well but she’s still an ex for a reason and I’m not sure it’s very good for her self esteem to have to rent from me.

No my husband cannot buy another house for her to live in. Yes he makes more than her but it’s not a giant pay check each month, he pays her maintenance and his share of bills here plus his own personal expenses and saves most of what is left for his girls future.

I have spoken to DH properly and raised my concerns, he does agree with me and said he got a bit carried away as he was panicking that his girls might end up moving far away or in a hostel. We will help her in some way most likely offering to pay 6 months rent up front to hopefully secure a decent rental. I don’t want my SC mother to be homeless that will never happen, she is a good Mum, she just hasn’t had the same opportunities as others.

Honestly OP, you sound lovely in the kind and very understanding way you talk about your husband's ex. So many people on here refuse to understand that some really essential and difficult jobs are under-valued and don't pay well at all. It certainly doesn't mean that the people who are doing those jobs don't work hard.

You DH's ex is being villified on here even though she hasn't asked for help and she is being evicted through no fault of her own. Thank you for being so understanding of her difficult situation and the inclusive ways you treat your step-children. They are all lucky to have you.

Edit: posted before I saw your last update. That sounds a very reasonable outcome. I hope everything goes well.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/06/2025 07:41

Good luck…

Orangesinthebag · 01/06/2025 06:56

literati · 01/06/2025 02:54

Hello I thought I would update this thread as you have all really helped me with sorting my head out about this situation.

DH approached ex wife about the possibility of renting my house if she was interested. She seemed quite relieved I think and agreed to a meeting with just me and her. I have spoken to my solicitor about any potential pitfalls with UC and we are waiting on that advice. Ex wife and I have looked at the finances and if we ditch the gardener and management company and she is still entitled to UC then the financial cost to me is minimal. In terms of when the kids are 18, her plan is to downsize and move about an hour away from our town to be near her sister. We have agreed to rent to her until the kids are at uni, DH still pays her his maintenance and then she pays me rent. It’s important to both her and I that she maintains her financial independence and that DH is separate from this arrangement, as it is a business transaction between the two of us. He doesn’t know this yet but his contribution will be mowing the massive garden and keeping all the hedges trimmed haha

I know the majority of you advised against this course of action for a lot of sensible reasons but I have raised all of them with ex wife and to be fair to her she had a lot of the same concerns. We have come to an arrangement that we are all happy with that keeps the kids as the focus and maintains our easygoing set up. At the end of the day my rental property and the income it generates will be used for all the kid’s future and she knows this, so it makes more financial and emotional sense to try and keep the money within the family.

Also my tenants are moving out as they have purchased their own property so I’m not making anyone homeless.

What a lovely update to read. I'm so glad you managed to come to an arrangement that sounds as though it actually benefits all of you.
I think it was incredibly kind & generous of you to reach out to her like this & I am sure it is a weight off your DH's mind to have his kids' living arrangements organised.

The ex sounds like she has sensible and realistic future plans in place so it sounds like it will all work out well.
x

BMW6 · 01/06/2025 05:45

That's a wonderful update OP and extraordinarily kind of you. I hope it all goes well and you all have happy futures!

Original poster

literati · 01/06/2025 02:54

Hello I thought I would update this thread as you have all really helped me with sorting my head out about this situation.

DH approached ex wife about the possibility of renting my house if she was interested. She seemed quite relieved I think and agreed to a meeting with just me and her. I have spoken to my solicitor about any potential pitfalls with UC and we are waiting on that advice. Ex wife and I have looked at the finances and if we ditch the gardener and management company and she is still entitled to UC then the financial cost to me is minimal. In terms of when the kids are 18, her plan is to downsize and move about an hour away from our town to be near her sister. We have agreed to rent to her until the kids are at uni, DH still pays her his maintenance and then she pays me rent. It’s important to both her and I that she maintains her financial independence and that DH is separate from this arrangement, as it is a business transaction between the two of us. He doesn’t know this yet but his contribution will be mowing the massive garden and keeping all the hedges trimmed haha

I know the majority of you advised against this course of action for a lot of sensible reasons but I have raised all of them with ex wife and to be fair to her she had a lot of the same concerns. We have come to an arrangement that we are all happy with that keeps the kids as the focus and maintains our easygoing set up. At the end of the day my rental property and the income it generates will be used for all the kid’s future and she knows this, so it makes more financial and emotional sense to try and keep the money within the family.

Also my tenants are moving out as they have purchased their own property so I’m not making anyone homeless.

OP posts:

Muffinmam · 29/05/2025 15:11

literati · 22/05/2025 08:36

Upon reflection this post has maybe changed my mind. You are correct my SCs Mum hasn’t asked me for any help, now or ever. She has always been courteous and friendly towards me and she has raised lovely girls who are my daughters sisters now. Yes I contribute the vast majority of money and assets in my family but I have gained a lot in return, my daughter has two wonderful sisters to grow up with, she has the best step dad who treats her like his own and my wonderful in-laws have welcomed their bonus grandchild with love as both my parents have died. I am so very blessed in my life and it is a privilege in itself to even have the ability to assist in this way. We will discuss options with ex wife and see what she wants to do, it’s her life and she is in control but maybe it’s better to offer this option rather than her having to ask us for help.

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Did you decide what you want to do?

I think it’s lovely you are open to hope. Originally when I saw your post I thought “no way” - then I read your updates and realised that you have a harmonious life and your husband, his parents and his children add to your life in a way no money could.

caringcarer · 23/05/2025 21:17

literati · 21/05/2025 22:26

Sorry yes I do use a property management company, DH actually suggested that we could forgo using them and paying the Gardner and that would almost make up for the loss on rent if we did agree to a lease with her.

As for uni fees for my SC, my husband is saving for them, it’s nowhere near the same amount as my daughter has but I will most likely top it up so they have comparable experiences at uni, They will all be receiving a car when they pass their tests, but it won’t be super flash and there are conditions on receiving such as maintaining grades and having a small part time job.

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You sound lovely stepmum.

Fraaances · 23/05/2025 01:00

I think £500pcm is far too much for your DD to miss out on. That’s £60,000 over ten years and doesn’t take inflation into consideration either. I think you sound like an amazing person and your description of the EXW if unusually kind and empathetic for this forum, but to put it simply, her situation is not your problem to resolve and certainly not at your daughter’s expense.

Fruitbat99 · 23/05/2025 00:51

How much less in rent is he talking?

If you have to ask existing tenants to leave or evict them then its a big NO from me

OliveWah · 23/05/2025 00:49

I think if you can do this comfortably, then it would be a really kind thing to do.

I can't imagine how terrible it would feel if you didn't offer, only for this lady and her DDs to end up either homeless, or in some grotty dive, paying over the odds somewhere the children don't feel comfortable. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty if you don't go for it by the way - I just know that's how I would feel.

HopscotchBanana · 22/05/2025 17:40

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2025 10:01

She's working, she's co parenting, she's maintained this tenancy until the landlord has decided to end the tenancy. So you think everyone in a low paid job is "doing nothing" for themselves? And just because she's on benefits doesn't mean she's "lapping up" taking all your hard earned taxes from you 🙄

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No.

But what a predisposed victim mentality to gloss over the obvious free gift of £866 she's lapping up every month, and pearl clutch that it's benefit bashing

Orangesinthebag · 22/05/2025 17:33

literati · 22/05/2025 08:36

Upon reflection this post has maybe changed my mind. You are correct my SCs Mum hasn’t asked me for any help, now or ever. She has always been courteous and friendly towards me and she has raised lovely girls who are my daughters sisters now. Yes I contribute the vast majority of money and assets in my family but I have gained a lot in return, my daughter has two wonderful sisters to grow up with, she has the best step dad who treats her like his own and my wonderful in-laws have welcomed their bonus grandchild with love as both my parents have died. I am so very blessed in my life and it is a privilege in itself to even have the ability to assist in this way. We will discuss options with ex wife and see what she wants to do, it’s her life and she is in control but maybe it’s better to offer this option rather than her having to ask us for help.

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I'm glad my post helped you consider this issue differently.

It does sound like you have created a great set up in your family and I think the way you speak about your step children and their mum is lovely.

I hope you are able to find a solution that works for all of you.

Walkerzoo · 22/05/2025 15:12

Oh my gosh. I am so pleased with your decision.

It ain't often that blended families work out so well. Ditch the management company to save the financial difference. Proper tenancy and she will get it paid through UC.

I have seen the worst side of step families and it ain't worth the money.

What a lovely post

DorothywiththeRedShoes · 22/05/2025 12:13

SpryCat · 22/05/2025 11:51

This post has humbled me, in a world which judges success in monetary value , we have @literati and her H who treat all of their children the same. H ensures his ex who is in a caring, lowing paying job, gets enough money so she and his DC aren’t living in poverty and knows his wife doesn’t resent helping neither.
They love all of the children and ensure that as they are in a fortunate position, that ex doesn’t have to scrimp and save all the time because it would impact the children.
That is love ❤️

Edited

I couldn't agree more with this ❤️

@literati you sound like a lovely lady and have created a wonderful blended family.

I think this arrangement would only benefit you all. Can you spin it to the ex wife that she would be doing you the favour as in it will give you peace of mind having her as a tenant?

44PumpLane · 22/05/2025 12:10

I just have to say OP that you and your family and your family dynamic just sound absolutely lovely- this sounds like a really healthy way to bring up children. Love and respect.

I wish all of you the best.

SpryCat · 22/05/2025 12:09

His ex isn’t asking for them to solve her problems, she’s not manipulating to get more money out of them. She is happily co parenting, knowing her children are loved by all, even if she was scrimping and saving continuously, she would still feel so lucky her children are so loved and treated equally. They are not used as pawns, to score points against the other parent. She’s not being made to feel a failure just because she doesn’t earn much, money doesn’t make you a great parent or stepparent. She is treated as an important part of the children’s lives, she isn’t a threat nor wishes to be, she’s a mother who loves her children and trying her best.

How sad that the people caring for the most vulnerable in our society, are not valued, the wages are low but they are caring for our elderly, our children and the sick.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/05/2025 11:57

literati · 21/05/2025 06:19

I don’t think UC would have an issue her renting from me, the house is in my name not my husbands and I have no legal connection to his kids or ex. But I just don’t want the responsibility tbh. I think being on UC is what is messing it up for her, most landlords won’t take tenants who receive the housing element of UC for insurance reasons. House prices have skyrocketed in our area (London commuter belt) and now renters are being squeezed out.

Also I think some posters are being a bit harsh on DH, he is a very good man who cares about the welfare of his kids mother. He is not taking advantage of me financially, we have a prenup that he suggested (I know they are not necessarily legally enforceable) that protects my inheritance and rental property. Our marital home is owned in unequal shares as I bought the house outright but he funded some major renovations to extend it and make it liveable, this has increased the value of the house significantly.

This is all my DHs idea by the way, his ex has not outright asked this of me, but I think she is hoping we will be able to assist in some way. We could look into being a guarantor for her and maybe giving her a couple hundred extra a month but as it is we fund the vast majority of expenses for my step DDs. We treat the kids the same in our house and my daughter gets to do extracurriculars, has an allowance and driving lessons, so my Step DC should have the same, that is fair, but that means we pay for it as it’s our choice.

Nope. It would be interpreted as a contrived tenancy due to the financial link between you and your husband. So you'd be housing them for free - including if you were to divorce at a later date.

mumda · 22/05/2025 11:55

Lots of reasons for you to say yes and no.

Swapping maintenance for low rent - would that work. And what happens when the kids get older. Would it end up being her on her own there and then subsidising low rent for just her?
How would that make you feel?

Rental changes are going to make it much harder to evict someone especially someone you've effectively given a low rent to.

SpryCat · 22/05/2025 11:51

This post has humbled me, in a world which judges success in monetary value , we have @literati and her H who treat all of their children the same. H ensures his ex who is in a caring, lowing paying job, gets enough money so she and his DC aren’t living in poverty and knows his wife doesn’t resent helping neither.
They love all of the children and ensure that as they are in a fortunate position, that ex doesn’t have to scrimp and save all the time because it would impact the children.
That is love ❤️

ThatDaringEagle · 22/05/2025 11:27

literati · 22/05/2025 08:36

Upon reflection this post has maybe changed my mind. You are correct my SCs Mum hasn’t asked me for any help, now or ever. She has always been courteous and friendly towards me and she has raised lovely girls who are my daughters sisters now. Yes I contribute the vast majority of money and assets in my family but I have gained a lot in return, my daughter has two wonderful sisters to grow up with, she has the best step dad who treats her like his own and my wonderful in-laws have welcomed their bonus grandchild with love as both my parents have died. I am so very blessed in my life and it is a privilege in itself to even have the ability to assist in this way. We will discuss options with ex wife and see what she wants to do, it’s her life and she is in control but maybe it’s better to offer this option rather than her having to ask us for help.

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Wow, that's a lovely post @literati .

Good on you, it's a brave offer in some ways, but because of where it's coming from & why, I think it's a really nice thing to do.

Be sure to set really clear boundaries & guidelines from the start though, and get everyone to stick to these from the off. (E.g. you might want to take DH (& also his dds) out of any advocating role for his Ex & dds housing needs I.e. it's strictly between you & her say, etc). Draw up a crystal clear lease reflecting this, etc, etc, etc

Good luck OP & to your family & the extended families, it's a very nice & good thing you're doing.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2025 10:01

HopscotchBanana · 21/05/2025 22:10

Complaining that she now sounds like an arsehole, because someone points out she's doing nothing for herself and lapping up hand-outs, doesn't really achieve anything does it...

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She's working, she's co parenting, she's maintained this tenancy until the landlord has decided to end the tenancy. So you think everyone in a low paid job is "doing nothing" for themselves? And just because she's on benefits doesn't mean she's "lapping up" taking all your hard earned taxes from you 🙄

GoldLash · 22/05/2025 08:53

Yes I think if you like and trust her then by all means rent the property to her.

Because it’s also a safe home for the girls too when they’re there.