For not dating an unemployed man?

There's nothing more full of bile than assuming someone you don't know doesn't work purely because they're lazy.

Good for you OP to have some very healthy boundaries and decent minimum standards! Some of the responses are just batshit and full of bile. Of curse, the age, living situation and job/no job is highly relevant. He has not worked in a long while and that is a huge no no for any woman with a child or even when single because you do not want to pay out for another adult. Given he has full mobility and is able to socialise and go out, means he could do many jobs and I would personally not be cool with a guy choosing not to work.

Yes, a council home is a secure, ethical form of housing, where the rent goes back to the community.

A mortgage is an enormous debt and leaves you in an insecure position.

If you own your home but still have a mortgage, then you are less secure than someone in a council house. So I am not sure of the sneering other than it comes from the judgemental thoughts about people in social housing being scroungers.

You're the sort who DEMANDS to see someone's Blue Badge if they park where you want to leave your SUV "while you just pop to the shop" aren't you?

Yep, there are certainly dickheads on this thread. For example, the ones sneering at people with disabilities or who live in council housing.

Well said. OP doesn't even know the circumstances of an accident, if an accident actually even happened. It's not up to her to be moralistic when her family's interests should come first. How many women have felt sorry for blokes, who appeared nice and turned out to be violent. Nice also doesn't pay the bills.

God, there are some absolute dickheads on this thread. OP you are doing the right and responsible thing and thinking of your child first. I wouldn’t date him either and all those berating you and accusing you of all kinds of nonsense wouldn’t either. They’re just trolls wanting to cause hurt and drama. Ignore them.

Has a disability been confirmed?

Really? It seems that sneering at disabled people is the highest priority for some people here.

Exactly!

I totally agree. And next time i see an NHS medic HCP etc moan on here about patients not doing their physio or prescribed excersise im going to show them this thread. Every Single Time.

Yes and you could do with cutting out the guilt trip and making a mother with a child feel like shit. Her child comes first.

I can’t see what you have in common with this man? You seem very incompatible imo.

For context - I am 28, have a well paid professional job, am a homeowner and have a 3 year old. He is 10 years older than me, lives in council housing and as I previously mentioned, is unemployed.

You aren't financially compatible. There is too much of an imbalance. This means things aren't starting off on an approximately equal footing.

It's fine for people to quote examples of when they were younger and didn't have a job and met their husband and so on and so forth but once a person is in their late 20s, own their own home and have a child financially compatibility does have to be considered.
The OP has worked hard to create a stable life for her three year old and to be financially independent. Bringing someone else into the mix who is not a homeowner and is unemployed and has been for 5 years could end up causing all kinds of issues.
This man is disabled after an accident 5 years ago and isn't able to work. OP shouldn't be making assumptions about how disabled he is or isn't and claiming that him being out swimming and so on means he doesn't want to work rather than can't work. We don't know his circumstances.
But the OP is perfectly reasonable to say that they aren't compatible and it's perfectly ok to decide not to take the risk of disrupting the stability of her current family set up.

This! My husband can't work due to health reasons . He became disabled 8 years ago. His benefits just about cover our food bill. I work full time, and we've brought up 2 kids during that time and it was incredibly hard. I pay all the other bills- mortgage, loan....everything. Abd my life, and plans, have had to change because of it.But we've been married a long time do we just got on with it. However I don't think I would start a new relationship in thst situation...

I'm bored of this discussion now so signing off but a lot on this thread would do well to work on your comprehension skills even if the rest is beyond you, it's a start.

You're hard work.

This is the point. Why is this so tricky for you?

None of us know anything about him.

so there should have been no negative projection about him being poised to live off her free, no ambition to return to work etc

OP has said she assumed he has received no compensation with no details etc etc.

It should have started and ended at 'it's fine to cancel a date for any reason' then move on.

Instead it's assuming the worst about someone she doesn't know not working after an injury with no basis.

You don't know any more about his circumstances than anyone else. So no, I don't think so.

Missing the point again by a country mile.

Can people genuinely not understand this point? Fine not to date him. Clearly understandable. I'd want someone solvent. I'd personally want someone without kids. That point to me is done and dusted.

But there is no call to assume anything further. About him or anyone else who is not working after an accident without anything further information that has been given.

Not about his medical history, which is not know. Working capability which is not known. Current circs, not known. Finances. Again not known. Which the thread is full of.

This rhetoric is harmful on a wider basis and does not add anything to the OP. We all accept it is the woman's right to choose who not to date. That's a simple point. Why demonise this man with all these speculations, 'cocklodger' etc? It's based on nothing except apparently prejudice.

This is a truly grubby thread.

OP doesn't want to date him. If she didn't like his hair, his shoes, his whatever it's up to her.
The fact he can talk, is mobile & social and not of retirement age but doesn't intend to consider any type of work, would give me the ick.

Hi OP, you’re a single mum whose priority is your little one and you are right to be centring them in your dating decisions. If you are feeling this way about him already it’s a non-starter so is not worth yours or his time xx

We also don't know the circumstances of his accident. He could also be lying about that even being the case. You give him the benefit of the doubt, I won't.

It's all you've been doing