For not dating an unemployed man?

Oh please. A man who was a single parent with his own house would be unlikely to get involved a woman who was 10 years older and who didn’t work. He would be reasonable to swerve as is OP.

It's not coercion at all, don't be silly. She's asked for an opinion, mine is that for her own sake, she would be more sensible to find out a bit more about him in these circumstances. She can always call a halt later. In all cases, not only on the subject of who one dates and who one doesn't, I err on the side of as long as there's no cost to it, find out as much as you can before dismissing something. I find calling a halt to things before you have as many of the available facts as you can to be unreasonable, viz, not guided by good reasoning.

Your opinion differs. That's fine. I think you're wrong. You think I am wrong.

I wouldn’t date him either. It’s not being snobby or judgemental to want to be with someone on equal terms.

No you’re not BU. This is a smart decision.

And to be fair someone might not want to date you because you already had a kid and they’d see them as an extra mouth to feed if things got serious which is equally fair. As well as all the other challenges dating people with kids can present.

I typically didn’t date men with kids for this and other reasons. When I was dating I met single /divorced fathers who were keen to know if I earned much /as much as them, despite the fact if we lived together a chunk of our household money would be diverted out the household (and rightly so) to their kids.

Anyway I digress, point is we are allowed to make reasonable judgements and do the best we can for us and our loved ones before we enter into any kind of relationships - especially serious ones which may result in joining finances/households.

Exactly. We’re all entitled to have preferences.

But in some cases most reasonable people may find those preferences unreasonable.

Also, we can feel someone doesn’t match our preferences without feeling or appearing superior. For example, it’s reasonable to want to be in a relationship with a financial equal. But it’s unreasonable to tell them ‘You don’t have enough money for me’, ‘I have much more money than you’ or ‘I’m worried you’ll expect me to finance you’. That’s when judgement and superiority can creep in.

👉" HE DIDNT TAKE IT WELL"👈

There you go.

"Mmmmmmmm, ten years younger than me, ✔️own home, ✔️own income, ✔️used to looking after a dependent ✔️... I'm in!

All I have to do is perform nicely on a few dates and bingo I can move in, go on enjoying my lifestyle, not have to get a job, be looked after, especially when I'm older - the perfect nurse with a purse! 👏👏👏

Wait - what? Huh? What do you mean ... NO?! You're not supposed to know that word!"

Rule of Misogyny number 2: Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

Of course YANBU. This is OLD, you don't owe anyone anything and the slightest hint of something not being quite right (particularly the disconnect between him not working due to an accident but seeming to live a very full and active life) and I'd be off tbh. It's not the time or place to be try and "be kind". I'd encourage everyone doing OLD to be seriously picky. It's so easy for men to pull the wool over your eyes about aspects of their life when you don't have any friends etc in common so very little context for that person.

What he has shown isn't for you so you're right to walk away and particularly because you have a child to think of.

I think it is wise not to commit yourself to being the sole earner for whatever reason.

She is not being unreasonable for declining to go on a date with a man she's never met.

You are being unreasonable for thinking she isn't really in the right for declining for any reason at all, or that she owes this total stranger any time for any reason. It's just a form of coercion. "You don't HAVE to but you're unreasonable not to..."

Bit daft to come out with that when not only has OP not said where she thinks she ranks, but you don't even know what she looks like.

Exactly.
Where is his hustle and ambition?

If he’s able enough to be out & about so much, he’s able enough to work at something. Or volunteer. To add something to the world.

I’m just not sure how it would work with us having such different lifestyles!

thats the crux of it

Yes, she's allowed to. How often do I have to say that?

She's allowed to, but I don't think her choice not to is being guided by good reasons. Therefore, unreasonable.

Oh, please. I worked with a man who had both feet amputated below the knee, in his 50s, AND had kidney failure. He was a newspaper reporter who would routinely have to leave the office (using a cane and prosthetic feet) to conduct interviews. He never complained.

So yeah, in my book, some gadabout in his 30s with the energy to exercise and attend matches could also find something productive to do. I couldn’t respect anyone who milked an “injury” for years on end.

It's still unreasonable to decide not to learn more about someone because of something like this,

Of course it bloody isn't. If I spent my life learning more about every bloody stranger I spoke to I'd never do anything else. She's allowed to refuse to date him. If it turns out that he's actually a incredible catch and she's a loser who'll never get a chance to date a man that fabulous ever again, then so be it; it's a risk we all have to take every time we decide we don't find someone compatible.

He's had 5 years to train at something that he can do with a physical disability. He has chosen not to. That says something about him and his plans for the future.

Please read the post I replied to.

The person I replied to said "what has he got to offer your child and you", therefore making a judgement that he is worthless. I was replying to them, not the OP.
The OP can do what they like.

Oh, please.

Being unappealing to a complete stranger as a dating prospect doesn’t mean he is “worthless.”

She’s not obliged to pity-date anyone. Women are allowed to have standards.

I would do the same thing you’ve done. Sensible decision.

I imagine the dating pool was pretty small and shallow if you had all these 'mustn't haves.' No kids and no exes is a big ask once people are over 30. (Unless you're talking about when you were younger/first looking for a partner...) Up to you though. I guess we are all entitled to our opinions.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who couldn't drive (whether it was by choice or necessity,) or if he smoked, and any weed smokers, I wouldn't entertain for a split second. Also I wouldn't want any gym bunnies, or anyone obsessed with any sport. And I definitely wouldn't date a man with no job/a man who didn't work. (Again, whether it was by choice, or out of necessity.)

No it isn't. It's not about her decision, it's about the continued tidbits she keeps dropping about what people shouldn't be able to do to keep up appearances whilst not working. Exercise, seeing friends, going to a football match. None of these things necessarily mean he is well enough to work at the minute. Nobody knows what his capabilities or plans are. She certainly doesn't.

Of course she doesn't. She doesn't owe him anything.

It's still unreasonable to decide not to learn more about someone because of something like this, as there are many factors that could render it trivial.

Unreasonable is defined as "not guided by or based on good sense." Something can be unreasonable and also perfectly acceptable.

If I decide not to go to the shop today because I'm afraid I might be run over by a runaway horse, that's unreasonable, but acceptable.

However, she's not prepared to do that because the one piece of information she has - that he doesn't work at the moment due to injury - trumps everything else she could possibly learn about him.

At the moment? For the last five years.

Not wanting to date someone doesn't mean you think they're worthless, it means you don't want to date them!

Wow OP, is this what dating is like now for young women? Sounds bloody awful.