For not dating an unemployed man?

No, avoiding saying those things explicitly is just tact.

It’s possible to be in a relationship with someone without them being financially dependent on you.

Yes, I think OP knows this and that's the kind of relationship she wants. A guy with no income is far more likely to become a financial dependent and it's not as if he became ill after they were in an established relationship. And the rest of your post is just further explanation of precisely why she should indeed seek a financial equal and he's not it.

It's interesting how people can understand the importance of financial equality but think it doesn't apply to a young solvent woman who was asked out by a man ten years older with no income. Take what you will from that, OP.

When i was last single, I had my own home, a decent job, and I scrub-up ok. I wanted someone similar. Nothing wrong with that.

Yeah it is what dating is but if you think being unemployed is a no factor just don’t go on the date, you process it before the date or call the date off in my opinion. You can date who you want and you don’t need a valid reason to never see them again, but even if that was my reason I wouldn’t be telling him that was it. Just seems a bit harsh to me. That’s why my opinion is more based on when the information was given before the date or during/after the first date

If the accident is fairly mild, then going back to a suitable job, should be an aim, the sort the government wants back into work.
Its not a life limiting illness, like lots have, wise to be cautious.
You could have progressed things, and stated clearly your thoughts on the job situation, and made things clear to him.
I totally understand the disability bit tho

Of course she can. It's entirely up to her.

Doesn't mean I can't consider it unreasonable because she could eliminate that risk by finding out more.

"Unreasonable" doesn't mean "bad". This is a case where I believe it's potentially a problem for her own sake As I have said already many times, it's not about owing him anything. It's about her potentially missing opportunities due to making judgements on limited evidence. That's unreasonable behaviour to me.

That’s true! You don’t owe anyone a date.

I’m sure many men don’t want to date me (or any other women) for reasons that may be unreasonable to me and that’s allowed.

People reject others on the basis of all kinds of things all the time.

This is fair, not much else needs said. You have a dependent already that you have to prioritise.

Because there’s assumption and judgement.

It’s possible to be in a relationship with someone without them being financially dependent on you.

But a financial equal is reasonable because that can affect lifestyle. For example, if you have enough money to travel frequently, and you enjoy doing so, then you wouldn’t be able to travel with them unless you paid (as they may not be able to afford it). In some couples, that’d be fine, as the person with more money would travel alone or with friends, the same as if they were single, with maybe one holiday a year with their partner, which they both equally paid for. But in other cases, it’d cause resentment or they’d prefer to travel frequently with a partner.

Ok so she could spend more time learning about this guy.

Or she could conclude he’s unlikely he’s a good fit, and move on and instead spend her time on finding someone else (and avoid wasting the time of the original guy).

You call that unreasonable, but I would say she’s using her judgement and avoiding wasting her time AND his time.

Just for context, I’m disabled but I still work a professional job and freelance on the side. Not working is a choice and it’s not one I could support, I want a partner who is equal to me and that means in ambition, finance and education. I wouldn’t be able to date him either OP

How would you expect a man with no job to be able to pay rent and bills and live, if it wasn't for benefits?

He wouldn't have been given a council house as a single man with thousands in savings, therefore, I think we can assume, he is supported by the tax payer.

You don't know what he does. He could be just finishing the greatest novel of the 21st century but yet to send it to publishers.

lol…He better get a move on then…

seriously though, Op doesn’t need to imagine all these potential (and very unlikely scenarios) - she’s allowed to go on what she knows about him. His person is out there and so is hers. No harm no foul.

I wouldn't date him OP, you are too far apart in terms of lifestyle, no matter how lovely he is.

This is a risk I think OP can afford to take.

Not a chance. I couldn’t even imagine dating a non-professional man, never mind one who is long-term unemployed. You can do better.

@Nightmarketz I would say you are also "allowed" to make entirely unreasonable judgements about why you don't want to date a complete stranger too!

I think we can make any decision we like about this and shouldn't have to justify it to anyone. We owe strangers off the internet absolutely nothing.

That doesn't mean we have to be rude or disrespectful but no one has to date anyone they don't want to and it doesn't matter why they don't want to, all that matters is that they don't want to.

In these situations "No" is a complete sentence and doesn't require justification.

Of course yanbu

your choices in who and who not to date are up to you

There is absolutely nothing wrong in looking at a potential partner and thinking what do they bring to this relationship. For many being a nice person is not enough and why should it be

I would feel the same op, plenty of women are happy to take on an unequal relationship which is also fine

You don't know that he claims any benefits at all.

@Pavedaspen That would be why pp said 'educated AND in good employment'

Professional working adults aren't some kind of golden unicorn; there are plenty about

You don't know what he does. He could be just finishing the greatest novel of the 21st century but yet to send it to publishers.

God no!!

You are young, have a good job, own a house and have a young child.

You don't need someone weighing you down.

If he can't work, what else can't he do? He is either disabled enough that he physically can't work, and then he will be your responsibility. Or, he could work, but doesn't want to, in which he will be your responsibility.

He would lose all of his UC if he moved in with you, then you would be stuck with him if anything happened.

it’s unreasonable to tell them ‘You don’t have enough money for me’, ‘I have much more money than you’ or ‘I’m worried you’ll expect me to finance you’

How is any of that any different to wanting a "financial equal"? OP isn't looking to be kept, she just doesn't want a financial dependent.

Right dating is a lot of effort for some people. I imagine especially so if you have a young child at home like Op.

When I was single I couldn’t be arsed spending time dating men I already have significant reservations about. I saved my time and energy for those I saw potential in.

So true. Some people don’t work because they have enough money to live on for the rest of their lives. You’d be a fool to disclose if you have millions in the bank. Helps sift out the people who make assumptions and value you for wealth rather than personality, behaviour and values.