For not dating an unemployed man?

MN - women raise your collective bar.
Also MN - ignore the red flags that you saw for your own relationship needs before even meeting a man because he deserves a chance.

It certainly doesn't and I personally would never be attracted to someone without a strong worth ethic so would not want to even meet them.

FFS, this is not about his body or him being disabled, why are people tying themselves up in knots trying to pretend they don’t understand that OP - like most women - is looking for a life partner who will make a similar financial contribution to the household than she will.
Or are you saying that because he is disabled, OP must disregard this criteria she has for potential partners?

I really really disagree with this. This is the attitude that sees women shacked up with totally awful useless men because "I love him" Being able to step back and look the at larger picture of how compatible you are and what your life would look like with him is incredibly sensible and more women should do it.

I wouldn't date someone unemployed and make no apology for it. I only dated men on a similar financial footing. I once didn't go on a second date with someone because he was disabled with a hereditary, life limiting illness. Sounds awful, but I wanted a husband and children. He was likely to be dead within 10 years.

It shouldn't be about the fact you're earning and he's not. The most important thing is, 'is there a spark between you'.

If there is, let that blossom and see where that takes you. If you're still concerned after that then have a rethink.

He’s too old for you.
My DH is only 8.5yrs older than me, things r not great once past retirement age.

And if in 7 years the post is something like

“35 year old woman with 2 kids , one is from a previous relationship and I’ve been with my current partner (m, 45) for 7 years.

He doesn’t work and he doesn’t pull his weight at home either. I had to go back to work after 6 months mat leave.

He keeps promising to go find a job to help support our family” but so far nothing. All he does is go to the gym and socialise. “

Everyone who is saying “aw gee give him a chance” will say silly woman, why did you get yourself in that situation? 🤦🏽‍♀️

You're not suited so best not to go on date. It's ok to be a 'snob' when dating as we're best suited to people of similar social groupings.

Are you seriously not aware that medical advice to disabled people is often to exercise as much as possible and socialise as much as possible? Or that a car is sometimes necessary for those unable to walk or stand for long periods?

Going to the gym is not proof that a person is able bodied. A lot of disabled people use the gym for physio. Also, a lot of disabled people are able to keep fit, we wouldn’t have the paralympics if not. The point is rather that someone whose disability does not prevent them from keeping fit is probably also able to work.

One has been through horrific tragedy, yes. One has a great career and is on top up benefits as a disabled single parent; the other has a long-term disability, but is able between bouts of ilness to work at a charity she set up and is involved in politics. I don't think all disabled people, less financially well off people or parents see their situations as tragic. Nor is the purpose of education to increase personal wealth. The more educated people I know tend to be more giving and to devote their lives to causes or to faith.

After a handful of dates you don’t need to give someone a reason why you don’t want to pursue a relationship with them. But I agree with you, I wouldn’t want to get into a relationship with this man, you’ll end up financially supporting him.

How tragic

'he goes swimming, goes to the gym, is always out with friends and is always out and about in his car. He just doesn’t present as someone who is unable to have a job to me'

Agree - when is the last time this work dodger even applied for a job!

Expecting someone to provide FOR HIMSELF is not unreasonable.

I think resentment would set in if you paying everything op if thats what I read in your post. I agree with you

You are absolutely correct for wanting someone on the same financial footing as you.

YANBU, sorry but I'd run for the hills. Council housing - great! Lovely gardens, reasonable rent.

Pissing about while not working - massive NOPE from me. That's no life plan for a young man.

If a man with a good job came on here expressing reservations about dating a long term unemployed woman he had been chatting to online, I’d say that’s reasonable too.

As myself and other women have said upthread we have been unemployed before and prioritised finding a new job rather than spending our time dating.

Men can and do date who they like!

I would agree that while unemployment in a woman may deter a man less than the other way around, men often place more weight on things like looks/appearance than women .

And that’s fine too even if IMO it’s more superficial than considering their finances.

Also it doesn’t seem that OP is looking for a provider for herself and her kid, she just wants someone who works to provide for themselves. Not such a high bar.

What a stupid comment.

Oh please. Try reading my post again. And THINK.

Floating so far above your head isn't it? You poor thing!

Run for the hills. He sounds like a lazy benefits fraud. People like this are why so many genuine PIP claimants get denied.

I don’t think he’s had a massive pay out because he mentioned a few times that he has plans to go back to work “eventually”
Working for a living will be his absolute last resort, he hopes that he will instead be lucky enough to ensnare a 'nurse with a purse'.