To feel upset to be told my DS doesn’t ‘stretch’ another child socially…

I agree with your broader points but your DS did the only thing he felt was right in the situation which was to look at the floor and not his friend, and I think that was right because she explicitly asked him not to look at her and he still stayed close in friendship. I think that was right and he should be praised for that. She’s allowed to ask him not to look at her when she is upset and he was great in respecting that.
I would be thinking very much about your DS’s strong points and verbalising these both to him and to anyone who goes on about him not ‘stretching’ people. He is offering other really important things.

From your last update Op, ask for them to be in different classes next year.

That mum has been very thoughtless in her phrasing. I understand what she means is that she wants her daughter around other children who may help to develop her child's language skills. Thats not your child's purpose and its very upsetting to hear. Its hard for kids with SEN to build friendships and if the two children are happy with the relationship as it is then let them be. My son and nephew are both asd and very different from each other but with support have a lovely relationship. In terms of ability my nephew is far more advanced but that doesn't mean my son has nothing to offer. They are happy in each others company, look forward to seeing each other and they laugh a lot and thats all that matters.

Maybe it was meant as more a reflection of her own child and their challenges and needs, as opposed to a criticism of yours, altho it’s easy to see how you might take offence. The question was possibly about what she thinks her child needs to progress and how this may be achieved.

I don't believe the SLT said this for a second, because a school would not expect one child to be responsible for another child's development. It's batshit bollocks, frankly.

Omg - when was it decided that children are meant to "stretch" each other, or that any child, and particularly one with SEN, has any responsibility for another child's development?
Let children who like each other play together and learn kindness and sociability in a nurtering space. Wtf is wrong with people?

By all means teach your son to advocate for himself, but you may find their dynamic is entrenched now – it would certainly seem that way from the batshit mum's comments about "stretching". I mean, come on! It's not your son's role to be playtime cannon fodder for her DD.

As I said in my first post, it was so detrimental to my DD to have her continue to be friends with a child who kept telling her what to do and had no interest in letting DD be herself. She's so much happier since she broke away and made new friends.

OP - do not stress. one of my colleagues had a son same time I had one. I put him in the work nursery and he said this would not stretch his son ho was obviously super bright so he kumond and montessori his son to hell.

Last year mine went to Harvard and his went to Cardiff. Both good places but it does make me smile just a little!

Hearing a parent describe your child in terms of educational and social criteria- is harsh. A friendship scorecard of sorts. 'on balance, even though GlalxyGone junior doesn't yet meet the elastaboy criteria, another year together is the best option'....it would annoy me as it's said to me but from the other parents sole point of view and position of their child.

She is clumsy and lacks empathy. Is she always like this?

It doesn’t matter. They are 6. Sadly the mother seems to come part & parcel of this friendship. It won’t do her son any favours.

I stand my my stance of separating them and letting him find his own friendship group. One where he doesn’t have to pander to anyone.
This friendship won’t exist in 5 years time. But the emotional and mental impact it will have is lasting.

He is at a very impressionable age.

I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. I am simply saying the OP shOuld remove the other mother from the equation when considering whether the friendship truly is or is not a good fit. Right now it sound like she might be overly inclined to separate the kids even if there’s really no major issue between them, just because the mother said something hurtful.

Not sure how you got that I think my kids should be centre of the universe!

I can only assume you are one of those mothers who assume everyone else is there to make your DC feel the centre of the universe.

They are not.

OP’s priorities should lie with the wellbeing of her child. This friendship doesn’t seem like a good fit for him. Therefore, I would separate them.

The friendship will naturally fizzle out if they aren't compatible. I don't think you need to do anything. Other than quietly think this woman is not very nice.

I wouldn’t even entertain this at the age of 6. Get them separated and let your DS find some other friendships .

The Op’s post is about the mother saying this “stretch” thing though, which is actually nothing to do with either child

Posters saying “fuck her and fuck her child” etc are clearly reacting based on largely what the mother said, which is a terrible basis for ending a friendship

If Op thinks the dynamic between the two friends is bad for her son then of course she should separate them, But this post was primarily about what the mother said, which is clearly colouring OPs view of the frIendship, when it’s truly neither here nor there

Maybe your son will thrive more if he is given the opportunity to socialise with other children within the year group.
Sounds like this friendship whilst reassuring is holding or could hold him back from developing as an individual.
Maybe they should be in different classes 🤷‍♀️

You still haven’t said how old they are

As someone whose child was the same as your DS when younger – quiet, sensitive and with a speech delay (she had a stammer and need speech therapy) – can I please beg you to let the batshit mum move her kid as far away from yours as possible? Because my DD had a friend just like her DD – bossy and controlling and constantly imposing her will on our child. We should've asked to separate them at school and stopped having playdates but we didn't, we actively encouraged the friendship in fact, because we got on with the parents. It ended up being massively detrimental to our DD because the girl ended up bullying her with a group of new friends. Thankfully DD is now a teen and no longer friends with the girl by choice, but I kick myself that I didn't protect her when I had the chance to.

I have a feeling that the school want to move them apart

I’d be inclined to agree with them being separated tbh. Your son sounds lovely, you’ve described him as happy, never mean, loves joining in games, emotionally resilient.

I think the opportunity to make some new friends would be a good thing and from what you’ve described I think he would have no issues in this regard.

Meanwhile little miss domineering, controlling, “doesn’t like to lose” can be “stretched” by kids that aren’t so affable as your lovely son and won’t be pushed around and let her win every single time.

Except that that’s not your ds role. Stretching is for the teachers and other adukts in his life.
The other children? Theyre there for friendship. Not to stretch him language wise etc….

Im 😵‍💫😵‍💫 that even the SLT said that tbh.