Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

@ThisDearPearlBee

Maybe she's waiting to see you and ask you face to face?

Though if that were the case then it shouldn't have been posted on sm until you were asked too.

I think this is quite different to OP’s problem. It would be the same if a friend picked four of you and left one out

Why wouldn’t you say ‘I was hurt to have to find out who your bridesmaid was online’?

I have a group of five uni friends. 2 had everyone as bridesmaids. 2 picked 1 of the group to be a bridesmaid. 1 had no bridesmaids (and the friends wore matching dresses).

We are all still friends but it was a bit of a weird one, and none of us have ever really talked about it. Life has moved on and we are not all so close now as happens… I’m glad the wedding years are behind us tbh!

Sorry you’re feeling hurt OP. I think I’d just draw a line under it and move on. I couldn’t bear to ask but it would affect the friendship for me (and asking wouldn’t really change that, it’s not going to be a nice reason why you were excluded is it?).

It defo wouldn’t matter (I am) and makes no excuse for her behaviour, I was just trying to think of (unfair) reasons she may have thought of.

i don’t think I could stop myself saying something to her. I hope you feel better soon. She’s awful.

I think you should bring it up with her and explain to her how it’s made you feel; emphasising exactly that, that it’s more about the lack of communication too. It might help to clear things up for you. I think holding it in will just lead to resentment tbh and might be more damaging to the friendship long term x

Yes, neither is another option if bride did not have cousins siblings nieces.

Oh I see. I don’t blame you. OP’s post says all three are close: 😭

I think in reality it’s quite difficult to just let it go. I read in an article somewhere that females feel betrayal more strongly than men, and that really resonated with me. I would look after yourself OP and try to remind yourself of other friends that you have, and like another said recalibrate this relationship in your mind.

Yes, this. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s ok to be a little upset.

But typing nonsense doesn't help anyone, even if it does come from a good place.

This is plain nasty.
As a PP has said, if for whatever reason she could only have 1 bridesmaid, she should have chosen neither of you.
For this reason I will not have any bridesmaids. I have a lot of girl friends and do not want to prioritise one over another, too many is naff, and I don't have any sisters. Oh, and my ultimate best friend is the vicar hahaha

She was a close friend of bride but not one i or friend b really interacted with regularly.

Best to lick your wounds in private

They are still your friends. Just not as close as you thought

It hurts, and I've had similar, so understand how awful it feels. But, friendships are precious and would be a pity to write off A totally. But it's ok to recalibrate the friendship in your own head

Can I ask (out of curiosity more than anything)

were you guys not close to the 3rd friend? Why didn’t you agree to tell her before posting it on SM?

I've had this
3 way friendship friend A had Tiny wedding both had parents there and then 2 friends(plus their partners). We were sworn to secrecy and it wasn't my place to tell friend b.
Pictures ended up on sm before friend b could be told and all hell broke loose. I was stuck in middle friend a and b never spoke again after being friends for 20 years I was phased out by friend b over time.
It's rough OP and hopefully you'll get an answer soon.

This exact same thing happened to me. What was harder in my circumstances was I had already RSVPed to the bride (abroad wedding) and I was sharing a room with the friend she asked to be bridesmaid later down the line. I found it so so painful, and quite honestly a really difficult thing to process. I found out through our other friend too, and not the bride herself. It does make you feel undervalued and not important in the friendship.

Yes agreed with others, posting it on social media knowing you’d see it is so unkind. Though there’s no “good” time to find out, if they’d kept it a secret it would’ve probably hurt just as much.

It's the fact the bride to be put it on social media before letting you know.
That is the part that's hurtful.
Step back from the bride

I think Mary is just trying to help OP feel better ❤️‍🩹 🌷

But the OP hasn't described herself or any of the women involved? 😳

YANBU OP, your friend's treatment of you is incredibly hurtful.

Obviously she's allowed to choose who she wants but for it to be announced on SM and her not speak to you, is unforgivable imo.

YANBU to be upset. Things like this sting, and it feels like rejection. You’ll be wondering “what have I done wrong?” And you’ll have most likely done nothing wrong. Which is why it’s so hurtful.

Feeling left out, at any age, isn’t nice. Especially since you thought the three of you to be close in equal amounts.

Have friend A and B known each other longer? (Not that it’s an excuse).

I’d keep quiet for now. Do you have any other friends or family that you can confide in to discuss it with?

It would be such a shame for the friendship to end but at the same time please don’t waste your time being friends with people who quite obviously don’t care about you the same way.

Friend A isn't really much of a friend.