Page 8 | Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

ThisDearPearlBee · 2025-05-20T17:02:27+00:00

Hello, AIBU? I am really close with two friends, we’ve been close for some time now and we do everything together, we go shopping together, out for meals and we have a group chat and message continuously. I’ve always felt that we were equally as close as a three, and been told multiple times by the friend in question Friend A, that we are all best friends together and she could tell us anything and everything. I’ve found out, through my other friend, Friend B, that Friend A has chosen her to be a bridesmaid, it’s then put over Instagram. I’ve had nothing since but radio silence from Friend A, no message explaining or anything. We do everything as a 3 and I am SO hurt that she didn’t feel like she could at least message me before or after to even lie and say that she would’ve loved to have us both as bridesmaids but couldn’t. I feel super hurt and like I’ve totally misjudged the entire friendship. Friend B feels awkward and now I feel like it’s just changed everything for me. I am so hurt, not about being a bridesmaid, but not even having a message to soften the blow… AIBU?

Original poster

ThisDearPearlBee · 20/05/2025 19:33

What makes things more hurtful, is that a couple of weeks ago she told me that the two of us were her closest friends and she could tell us anything, and might I add, cried when she did so

OP posts:

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 19:32

RogueMandible · 20/05/2025 18:15

What a silly overreaction. The OP wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, not framed for a murder she didn’t commit by A and B!

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Some of these comments are ridiculous. Why can’t op do what she what’s it’s her wedding. They might not be as close as she thought. I suspect a lot of these comments come from people who weren’t picked as a bridesmaid and are still bitter

olympicsrock · 20/05/2025 19:31

This is really hurtful behaviour from the bride. She must have known that OP would be hurt which is why she hasn’t had to guts to tell her.

I would take a step back form the friendship. If there was a good reason , a kind bride would already have spoken to OP about it.
You are right , it’s the hurtful communication that would damage a friendship.

Personally I would leave it a little while before seeing the bride and wait for her to reach out.

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 19:30

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 19:28

This take is really weird.

Of course they are her friends. The bride can do what she wants it’s her wedding. We don’t know the reasons why she’s only picked the other friend, so can only speculate and come up with a bunch of reasons but not the truth.

Why should she ask a family member to be a bridesmaid if she can’t afford more than one. You realise how ridiculous that sounds?

Not going to the wedding because you’re not picked to bridesmaid is childish and immature. Why are you trying to make the wedding about you? What if the bride has other close friends, shall they all do the same and not attend?

The plus-size comment is reality bizarre. Blaming the bride for being jealous is a reach 😂

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By a family member I meant instead of the friend, not as well as. 🙄

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 19:29

MaryGreenhill · 20/05/2025 18:12

I bet you are absolutely gorgeous and she is afraid you will outshine her OP.

Or maybe they aren’t as close as she thought. Not everything is down to jealousy

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 19:28

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 18:10

If it was me, I’d be interested to know why bride friend didn’t pick me, but I’m not sure I’d have the pride to ask. Is it possible she asked you via message and you didn’t get it and now she assumes you’re ignoring her?

They’re not your friends, they certainly don’t value you as close as you do them.

if she can only afford one bridesmaid she should’ve asked a family member instead.

if this happened to me, I wouldn’t kick up a fuss to them, but I wouldn’t going to the wedding and would be distancing myself.

are you plus size OP? Not that it’s an excuse at all (I’m plus size) but is it possible she set her heart on dresses that don’t do your size? It’s no excuse but maybe that’s a reason. that or she’s worried that you will outshine her looks wise, if you’re physically more attractive.

Edited

This take is really weird.

Of course they are her friends. The bride can do what she wants it’s her wedding. We don’t know the reasons why she’s only picked the other friend, so can only speculate and come up with a bunch of reasons but not the truth.

Why should she ask a family member to be a bridesmaid if she can’t afford more than one. You realise how ridiculous that sounds?

Not going to the wedding because you’re not picked to bridesmaid is childish and immature. Why are you trying to make the wedding about you? What if the bride has other close friends, shall they all do the same and not attend?

The plus-size comment is reality bizarre. Blaming the bride for being jealous is a reach 😂

Lyra87 · 20/05/2025 19:24

I feel your hurt OP. I have a similar 3 way friendship where we're equally close and been through thick and thin. We're all best friends. Picking one over the other would be hurtful. 2 of us have married, both times we chose just 1 relative as a bridesmaid. I remember being hurt I wasn't bridesmaid but she explained that she didn't want to pick out of the extended friendship group as the whole group are very very close. She chose a relative instead. Then I got married and I did the same. I assume my other friend will have her sister when she gets married. What your friend did is hurtful, especially the fact she didn't tell you. I would be reevaluating that friendship, perhaps for her things have changed and you didn't see the signs but she absolutely should have told you.

Rosecoffeecup · 20/05/2025 19:24

Exact same thing happened to me once - I'd actually introduced the other two in the first place - it HURT for a long time. The friendship did recover and it's water under the bridge now but it took some time. YANBU

Original poster

ThisDearPearlBee · 20/05/2025 19:24

Thank you for all your comments and I really appreciate it. No im not pregnant nor do I have any children. I think I just overthink everything, I do feel like I can bring it up with her I just feel like I’m at risk of making myself feel worse depending what her response is.. I’m not making sense, it’s just so hard 😔

OP posts:

chatgptsbestmate · 20/05/2025 19:22

ThisDearPearlBee · 20/05/2025 18:42

Thank you so much everyone for your comments so far, I am really taking them on board and for the one who posted about my weight… no I am not a plus sized person, not that it would matter if I was.

I feel a bit torn where to go from now… would you say anything? My OH says to me I either need to say nothing and act as normal, or tell her how I feel because otherwise it will look like I’m throwing my toys out the pram for not being a bridesmaid, when really I’m more upset about the lack of communication? Xx

Here's the thing for me. The fact that you don't feel easily able to chat to bride about this, indicates to me that you're not that close.

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 19:22

ThisDearPearlBee · 20/05/2025 18:52

The worst thing about it is this wasn’t a surface level friendship, this was/is a cry together, tell each other everything type of friendship so it just feels like it cuts so much deeper

Either she doesn't feel you're close friends or she doesn't want you standing next to her on her wedding day (it's ridiculous but if you're beautiful and she's insecure this could be a reason).

Kateb12 · 20/05/2025 19:21

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 19:17

Won’t things be awkward at the wedding anyway?

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Why would it be awkward? The weddings about her friend getting married... not who the bridesmaid is.

Copiousamountsofpulses · 20/05/2025 19:20

I had a similar situation to this but it was in regards to choosing a godparent. I spoke to friend about how upset I was and it helped to speak to her, she didn't realise how much it would upset and we are all still great friends. Please just speak to her, if she's as good a friend as you think you will be able to have an adult conversation about it.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 19:20

How did the friendship began? Were the other friends before you? Do they have a history? Okay to be upset. But this is her wedding, you can accept to dictate what she does. Why don’t you speak to her?

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 19:17

Kateb12 · 20/05/2025 19:17

Don't take some of the advice here and ask about it, you will just make things awkward. She didn't want you as bridesmaid, end of. As long as she invites you to the wedding and hen then there's no issue, but even then, it's her choice.

Won’t things be awkward at the wedding anyway?

Communitywebbing · 20/05/2025 19:17

Could you introduce the subject by asking how the wedding plans are going, how many bridesmaids, how did she decide who to ask, etc? There will be some reason for her choice and perhaps she’ll tell you.

Kateb12 · 20/05/2025 19:17

Don't take some of the advice here and ask about it, you will just make things awkward. She didn't want you as bridesmaid, end of. As long as she invites you to the wedding and hen then there's no issue, but even then, it's her choice.

AliBaliBee1234 · 20/05/2025 19:13

This happened to me!
It hurt. I smiled through it ...

Then the other two fell out.

But it hurts and YANBU.

OneFineDay13 · 20/05/2025 19:12

Worryabouteverything · 20/05/2025 18:28

It's the fact the bride to be put it on social media before letting you know.
That is the part that's hurtful.
Step back from the bride

I agree. I would feel the same as you OP

Catandsquirrel · 20/05/2025 19:12

Feels like this is going down the route of 'ask her what's what'. Please don't. Not now, maybe later on in person if the moment feels right but at least let her approach you first in some capacity and see what the lie of the land is.

I wondered whether you're pregnant or have a small baby? She may have decided to ask you as a guest thinking it easiest for you. Happened to a friend but it wasn't communicated (muggins here was the go between later) .

Aihospit · 20/05/2025 19:10

Can I ask about the Hen Do?
Could it be, clutching at straws, your friend has been tasked with organising it? Therefore been rewarded with having to wear a cheap, bias cut dress in an unflattering shade.

Get over to Style & Beauty for a knockout outfit. Have a blast as a guest.

babystarsandmoon · 20/05/2025 19:08

We often see posts from people left out of weddings on MN so I suspect there will be a reason but not necessarily a bad one.

Prepare for them to distance away from being a group of three once the wedding planning kicks in.

MoreChocPls · 20/05/2025 18:59

I wouldn’t react just yet until you see her but yanhu for being so hurt. Please don’t doubt yourself or ask if you are wrong or did something wrong.

NeedToChangeName · 20/05/2025 18:57

ThisDearPearlBee · 20/05/2025 18:42

Thank you so much everyone for your comments so far, I am really taking them on board and for the one who posted about my weight… no I am not a plus sized person, not that it would matter if I was.

I feel a bit torn where to go from now… would you say anything? My OH says to me I either need to say nothing and act as normal, or tell her how I feel because otherwise it will look like I’m throwing my toys out the pram for not being a bridesmaid, when really I’m more upset about the lack of communication? Xx

I would sit on it. Don't rush to decide whether to talk to her. If you wait, you can raise it later if you wish. If you blurt it out now, then you may regret it later

In my case, I chose not to discuss it with my friend. The only possible explanation was that she didn't think of me as such a very close friend as I thought of her. And I really didn't want to hear her say that ! I pretended not to mind, never raised it with her. We're still friends. I just don't feel as close now I know that I'm not an A list friend. No idea if she still thinks about it or if it was a non issue for her

Beautifulweeds · 20/05/2025 18:56

Sorry, that's plain awful and I couldn't do this to my BFs. Xxx