Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

I’ve already replied to this further up. I think you may have skipped past it.

I remember reading a study about when women get married they drop a certain number of friends and when men get married they drop a lesser number of friends.

You are no longer friends with this person.

I’m sorry that this has happened to you.

ok can I word it differently

im happy to have a difference in opinion from you

So what do you disagree with exactly, that the bride is selfish? For wanting to do what she wants on her own day?

Why don't you frame it as "I totally respect your choice and no doubt you're in wedding mode, trying to get everything arranged but can I just check whether I have upset you somehow? I thought we were all equally close so when I found out through social media I couldn't help but wonder if I've offended you in some way?".

If you say it gently, hopefully she will understand the impact of what she's done and either tell you if you have, or profusely apologise.

Omg. I’m not talking about a large friendship group. I’m talking about the bride having other friends that op does not know. Why is that so difficult to understand. The bride has a friendship with op and their mutual friend. She could also have other close friends that does not belong in this friendship group. Who won’t know each other or hang out.

Have you seen her in person? Maybe shes waiting to ask you in person?

Regardless of how long you have all known each other, it’s still wrong of this friend to only ask one of you and not explain why. It’s cowardly, actually.

You may be worrying that by saying something, you’ll damage the friendship between you all, but in actuality, this bride-to-be has already done this, from the actions that she has taken and her silence over her decision, because you’re now left upset and confused about the relationship.

Based on that, I would talk to her (one on one) and say something along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about whether or not to ask this, because I love our friendship and don’t want to damage it, but I’m feeling a little hurt that you didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid and wondered if you’d be okay to tell me why?”

Don’t over explain and keep it short. Let her do the talking from there. If you say it gently and calmly, she will hopefully respond in kind. If she doesn’t and the conversation goes badly, it will speak volumes about her personality and the state of the friendship you really had.

It's hurtful OP, but I don't think any good will come of asking the bride about it.
I'm in a similar situation, I'm close with a friend I've known for over 20 years, I'm godmother to two of her children, all our kids are like cousins to each other, we've hung out as families, and supported each other through so much including her (very amicable) divorce. She's getting married again and I'm just an ordinary guest without even my husband (who she knows really well) being invited! I'm really shocked and upset but what can I do? She just doesn't value me any more.
All you can do is downgrade the friendship on your side. That's what I've done and ironically since I've been less available and texting less, she's reaching out more, but it's all too late for me, I can't see her in the same way. I don't share with her any more because I'm not important enough to be involved in her wedding party in some way.

Personally I would be rejoicing at not being asked to be a bridesmaid! But if you are hurt and upset, ask her. However, be prepared for the possibility of further upset.

Why can't she have two bridesmaids?

Why would I feel victimised because I’ve simply give a different opinion? People are allowed to have a different opinion that doesn’t agree with yours, are we not? If I had done this, which I haven’t, I certainly wouldn’t feel guilty. It’s my wedding and can choose who I want to be a bridesmaid or not. My friends are perfectly able to regulate their emotions like a normal adult, instead of saying that they wouldnt attend the wedding or calling me jealous.

I said this could be the slippery slope to the end of such a close friendship as a three. It’s probably always been true and you haven’t noticed. They will be doing loads together to plan the wedding and dresses and hen. You’re not going to be invited to any of that - it would be weird if you are (and not be a bridesmaid) so it’s going to ramp up between them with you left behind. You can be friends with them but you absolutely need to be looking elsewhere for other good friendships you can focus on.

I don’t understand how people could just let it slide and sit awkwardly at the wedding as the left out friend then sit on it for years and years wondering why they weren’t asked. 🤦‍♀️

Count your blessings. Honestly, you don't want to be a bridesmaid. Like a lot of wedding related stuff, it's an over hyped total pain in the arse.

That was really poorly played on her part and you have every right to be hurt. You can't fix it, unfortunately. I would let time pass and see what happens. I wouldn't talk about it to anyone as you just can't start having preferences that are different to the bride and that's how it will sound to her if she heard about it.

Alright well I’m happy to agree to disagree

The bride knows she’s hurt your feelings as the other bridesmaid knows you’re upset. If they are that close they are talking about it.
I would be too hurt to bring it up and I’d be keeping my distance for a while. They can do the running for the next meet up etc. I might even have to be busy for that first coffee/ walk /whatever you tend to do together. I know people might call that petty, but they’ve been mean. The bride knows this will have stung.
I am sure eventually all will be well between you, but for me, between now and the wedding, I’d be taking a big step back and nurturing friendships elsewhere, just in case this is the slippery slope to the end of such a close group of three.

I never said that Op can’t feel upset. I totally get it, I suggest op speak to her friend. But all these comments saying the bride is selfish and jealous are uncalled for.

Perhaps they are alot closer outside of your group chat and meet ups but I don’t think it’s good to dwell on it.

Okay, well, my point is, if one of their friendship groups is such a small one (3) you don’t pick one from that group. Regardless of if you’ve got other bigger groups.

Obviously the bride doesn’t care about her feelings, there’s no denying that.

yes it’s her choice, however I can see (and I’m sure you can) why OP is so upset.

YANBU X

I had the exact same thing happen 25 years ago. Was all very odd and upsetting but I’ve never discussed it with the bride or the bridesmaid. We’re still all as close in theory but I’ve never really got over the niggle of why I was left out. Think if I was in the position again like you I’d force myself to ask

I’m not talking about them as a group having other friends. I’m talking about the bride having other close friends that are not in the same friendship as OP. She may want to ask these other close friends to be a bridesmaid. I have many friendship groups, some that don’t know each other and aren’t friends with each other. They are still my close friends.

I don’t know the history or the brides personal feelings towards the OP. But if op is saying they are such close friends the bride doesn’t obviously feel the same way. So why would the bride really care that much about op feeling hurt? Why did op assume she was going to be a bridesmaid in the first place? Surely they would have been talks about this?

it comes down to the bride and who she wants as bridesmaid. Asking if op is plus-size or pregnant or suggesting the bride is jealous, is ridiculous. Her choice she doesn’t have to give a reason.