Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

Regardless of the difference of opinions on here, I think we all hope you feel better soon OP. 🩷

posted too soon

Or you ask another friend outwith the group, or you don’t ask anyone at all.

failing that , you at least tell said friend out the group what’s happening to be polite and don’t post is on SM without her knowing first.

But tell me first if each friendship group has three people, who did you suggest the bride pick on her own wedding day? You ignored that didn’t you 😆

I would say something.

If you don't say anything I doubt the friendship could be anything like the same, at least by talking to her you give her a chance of explaining and seeing what's left of the friendship after that.

A similar thing happened to me. It was the end of the friendship. Obviously there was a bit more to it than just being left out of the bridal party, but like you I just felt I had so badly misjudged the friendship there was no way back.

in my opinion, you ask family.

I didn’t say large I said each group had three people. What do you do then?

@ThisDearPearlBee- piggybacking off of this, how many years have you been friends since you met the two of them?

Hmm not nice.

she is either A) a mean girl and wanting to hurt you and create drama etc wants friends b to herself

B) Genuinely not aware there’s a different perception re closeness because she has always seen friend B as her closest friend and still does and would think you would know that she would just pick her. She may have another special role for you.

Either way I would grin and bear it for now, asking her etc will be seen as creating drama- which may be what she wants or may be a genuine over sight on her part.

I would have a chat with friend b to see what her perception of the friendship is though.

Id also be looking for some new friends- she can still be a good friend if it’s the later situation but expanding your circle won’t hurt. See how things pan out for a while.

They can do what they want, however leaving out one person in such a tiny group is hurtful, let alone posting it on SM without informing OP first- she knew OP would see it and be hurt

Why can’t someone have a friend as bridesmaid just incase they upset another friend? It’s the brides wedding she can ask who she wants

I definitely think this has told you a lot about the friendship. Really importantly though, it's also told you a lot about her. What she's done is cruel, it's too obvious to be thoughtless, it's seriously unkind. I would be really hurt and confused in your position, and I don't think you have to play pretend that it's ok. You don't have to raise it if you don't want to, but move forward in the friendship with the knowledge that this is what she's capable of and how she values you.

I had a vaguely similar thing happen to me many years ago. A good friend asked her sister and 2 other friends to be bridesmaids. I did live a distance away so i put it down mainly to that. I was a little hurt but decided our friendship was more important.

On the day of her wedding the 2 friends she had picked as bridesmaids were too busy being giggly to help her out of the car, so I helped her. She said to me in passing you're a better bridesmaid that those 2!! 😅

Many many years later when she was dying she said to me, you should have been my bridesmaid. I never asked, commented or expressed any kind of thought or feeling about it with her in all those years, even when she was dying. To me she was still my friend and I just assumed she must have had good reason at the time.

When she died she had a phonecall from one of the bridesmaids and no contact from the other ( they had long since lost contact) Her sister , another friend from back in the day, and I were the only 'old' friends around as well as her family and 'new' friends.

I understand the feeling of rejection it's up to you if you feel it is something that you can't get over. Shame to break up a friendship though good friends are hard to find.

The not telling you is just mean, there’s no reason for it and I don’t believe she wouldn’t know it would be either upsetting or make you question a friendship.
All she needed to say was, I only want one bridesmaid so I had to make a difficult choice, I hope it doesn’t affect our friendship…done.

I also had someone I was extremely close to for years. Saw her every weekend, had constant contact daily. She got engaged and became distant, only after the hen do did I find out I (and other friends) we only got a night invite. She had also asked someone she hadn’t seen for years and years to be her bridesmaid. I didn’t mind about the BM bit, but I think she’s like a lot of women who cut people off when they get married. She complained to someone recently that I never get in touch with her..but we’ve not been friends since the wedding 10 years ago.

I am happy to
agree to disagree
accept we have a difference in opinion

here is the dictionary definition of both for you for a bit of light reading

Agreeing to disagree means coming to an understanding with someone you disagree with. When you agree to disagree, you accept that neither of you is going to change the other's mind. That's when you stop arguing and move on!

If there is a difference of opinion between two or more people or groups, they disagree about something and one of them accepts they won’t have the same opinioj

have a good night and stop trolling- I can see by your post history you do it on other MN posts

I will repost incase you didn’t understand the other one.

bride may have two (or more) separate groups of mates as you say

Bride having a group of friends OP doesn’t know = if said group of other friends is large then it obviously isn’t anything like leaving one out in a group of three

Bride having the group of 3 mates OP is in = it looks awful leaving one person out due to the fact its a very small group

I hope that makes sense, and as I say I’m happy to agree to disagree

You have now seen thw friendship for what ir is. Close friends obviously mean different things to different people. It won’t be the same again but you can salvage something if you wanr to

I do think them knowing each other longer is the reason she didn’t ask you!

I’d say absolutely nothing because nothing you say is going to make the situation not hurt you. It’s happened now. I would quietly distance myself from her and focus on friendships outside the 3 of you. I’ve been in many groups of 3 and they never work well. I much prefer to see just one friend or a group at a time. 3 is an odd number is a saying for a reason! I’m sorry as this does sound hurtful. Try and nurture other friendships.

Well you said agree to disagree, now changing your opinion. Okay 🤣

No, other two were friends before

So they knew each other before? Would have had a friendship that didn’t involve you. You can’t really say you all became close at the same time as this is your perspective. You don’t know what their friendship was like before you came along.

Whts wrong with asking? They are super close and op is upset. What's wrong with asking , she may get the answers she wants at best or find out their true feelings at worse..don't encourage ppl not to speak about their issues. Op doesn't need to go in shouting and screaming but she's been friends with them long enough to deserve some answers on this. How many falls out I know of where if only the ppl had spoken about it instead of assuming... better to know then not.

So what if the bride has say five friendship groups, they don’t know each other, each group has 3 people in. So say 15 people. She can’t choose any of these 15 people because she’ll be leaving someone out? Give over.

You need to make your own thread lol