Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

from the volume of bridesmaid drama threads on here, it sounds as if you've dodged a bullet.

No she’s been even more unkind “for her day, her rules@, not even discussed it.

As long as the bride is happy for 18 hours of one day, it doesn’t matter who she upsets in the way with her behaviour.

But she does have to accept, that the relationship won’t recover.

Her choice of course, because it’s a day of her life that she can break all the rules, no matter what that means.

The bride hasn’t used that mantra as she hasn’t even said anything but it is her wedding so she does ask who she wants. Op may feel upset by the brides decision that doesn’t mean the bride has to ask her because she feels left out.

So is it unkind or not?

What awful behaviour in a friendship group. I wouldn’t bring it up and would be distancing myself slowly. It’s an awful position to be in as if you tell them to do one it makes it look like your jealous not hurting. Unfortunately, you’re not as close as you think you are…sorry that’s a really harsh thing to say but just by reading what you’ve put…in such a close friendship group you don’t treat
each other that way, especially if it’s supposed to be equal. I have a friendship trio that I used to think was equal until I started to notice that I never got told anything or I always the very last to know after their husbands (sometimes after my husband) and families then when we would meet up they would discuss stuff in front of me I had no clue about. The other two had known each a few years longer but always made out it was an equal friendship trio.

I started to feel awkward, upset and then angry each time…usually over social media posts or hearing from another friend outside of the trio.

Then I saw a random programme that mentioned the famous quote ‘two’s company three’s a crowd’. it was a lightbulb moment. I started doing my own thing, joined a few clubs to meet other people, went out with work abit more. This made me see the friendship for me wasn’t so close on my side after all.

I still speak to these friends (Our husbands know each other through sports/business) but cut right back from them and now it’s every few months we message, meet up etc. This has done my mental health a world of good. It’s not an easy thing to do and takes time (in my case years) but you really do learn to value yourself more. I just wish I’d learned my worth and what I need as well as give in friendships much sooner.

It’s only natural you’ll want to ask and I would too…it’s very hurtful what’s happened and I’m sorry it’s happened to you as it’s simply not a nice thing to happen at the very least a simple conversation should have happened if she respected your side of the friendship.

You didnt have this, you had the exact opposite. Personally I wouldn't have gone to the wedding. Nobody is swearing me to secrecy which involves shitting on a friend.

You also had choices

It was probably the cowards way of letting OP know so she didn’t have to do it via text or face to face. Not kind.

Come along, wear what you like, everything is on us, enjoy yourselves, out of City Hall & the restaurant down Dame Street

or yes Leg it Vins we'll do it another time

So you think the bride is jealous op is so beautiful?

Whilst on the surface it seems odd not to have mentioned it at all, I do think these relationships are rarely equal. I'm part of a similar triangle. I think, if pressed, both the other two are individually closer to me than to each other. I'd struggle to choose one over the other.

One is getting maŕied soon. She brought her wedding dress to show me the day she bought it and although not having bridesmaids, she has asked if DH and I'd like to sit on the top table. I holiday alone with the other each year. Day to day we share everything and meet up as a 3, 95% of the time.

It might not be 'nonsense' though. They could be actual reasons, regardless of how unpalatable it might be to say/hear.

Yep, easier to elope

Maybe it's as simple as she's only having one bridesmaid, you say you cried when she said you were one of her best friends, maybe she's worried you'll be a blubbering mess. You should just talk to her, or maybe ask your friend to. Just say, you're not bothered about not being a bridesmaid but that she didn't tell you. Although maybe she just feels awkward about the whole thing so putting it on SM was her clumsy way of letting you know

& this Ladies & Gentlemen is why I'm planning the wedding I am.jesus so many opportunities to hurt feelings, among your "friends" It's a minefield

Jesus H Christ. You okay there? @Dancingintherainxxx what makes you think they are talking about her behind her back

But she said there was only one bridesmaid? Or is there more?

I’m going to pop off the thread now as I do not want it to be hijacked but good luck OP, I hope you get things sorted

BM’s all having the same dress from a particular company is one of many possible reasons, in this case it’s v unlikely as OP is not plus size.. Essentially nobody except the bride knows, and it’s up to Op to ask her

Am I? Ppl are talking about plus-size in the comments. why is the bride thoughtless? Size inclusivity?

p

A nasty thing to do.

She should have told you.

She is obviously closer to friend B.

I wonder if they talk about you behind your back op

With respect, you are reading too much into this. I am overweight too. Nowhere did I hint or say plus size people are too heavy to be bridesmaids.

i don’t know if you’ve been married/bridesmaid/MOH but sadly most in person mainstream bridesmaid shops are not very size inclusive both in plus sizes and long/short lengths. People that are plus size, v tall, v short often have to go elsewhere.

most people get around this by letting bridesmaids all wear similar or same colour/dyed dresses from different places. But if (IF) it’s the case* this bride (who has proven to be thoughtless already) has decided everyone wears the same dress from the same shop, this could be a reason.

*its obviously not now as OP has replied if you skipped back and this is not her situation.

But cudnt the bride have anyone in the same dress? Can’t you just get it taking out or go to a shop that does different sizes?

I think if you mention weight, it could offend people. Can you see how that might upset someone? I’m overweight and if someone mentioned what you said, I wud be thinking is this what really people think, I’m too fat be a bridesmaid?

Nobody cares if anyone is plus size or not. I was just trying to think of reasons bride has cut her friend out as other people were as it appears to make no sense with her updates about her friend crying over their closeness. Albeit bride seems thoughtless in the extreme already, so being fussy about everyone being in the same dresses isn’t much of a reach.

it was not meant to offend, if it offended OP I apologise.

But I don’t like the nasty way a PP took the words and what I said completely out of context, making things up as they went along. “Wouldn’t look good in a bridesmaid dress” indeed! 🙄 I think the fact the person who reworded it has not replied is telling.

Honestly, what makes brides think it doesn’t matter what I do, how badly I act, who I upset.

I will just say “it’s my day”, fine get on with it.

But your day or not, people will honestly think less of you.

Which us quite right in this case.

Fall out with everyone using your “it’s my day “ mantra.

But why even ask about your weight? Who cares if you’re fat or skinny?