Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

235 replies

ThisDearPearlBee · 20/05/2025 18:02

Hello,

AIBU? I am really close with two friends, we’ve been close for some time now and we do everything together, we go shopping together, out for meals and we have a group chat and message continuously. I’ve always felt that we were equally as close as a three, and been told multiple times by the friend in question Friend A, that we are all best friends together and she could tell us anything and everything. I’ve found out, through my other friend, Friend B, that Friend A has chosen her to be a bridesmaid, it’s then put over Instagram. I’ve had nothing since but radio silence from Friend A, no message explaining or anything. We do everything as a 3 and I am SO hurt that she didn’t feel like she could at least message me before or after to even lie and say that she would’ve loved to have us both as bridesmaids but couldn’t. I feel super hurt and like I’ve totally misjudged the entire friendship. Friend B feels awkward and now I feel like it’s just changed everything for me. I am so hurt, not about being a bridesmaid, but not even having a message to soften the blow… AIBU?

OP posts:
amybabysa · 20/05/2025 18:17

RogueMandible · 20/05/2025 18:15

What a silly overreaction. The OP wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, not framed for a murder she didn’t commit by A and B!

Show quote history

im sorry but they’re a group of 3 close friends, you don’t ask one and leave out the other. That’s awful behaviour. It would be completely different if it was a larger group

if anything the friend should’ve explained to OP, especially as they knew OP would see it on SM

SummerIce · 20/05/2025 18:16

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 18:10

If it was me, I’d be interested to know why bride friend didn’t pick me, but I’m not sure I’d have the pride to ask. Is it possible she asked you via message and you didn’t get it and now she assumes you’re ignoring her?

They’re not your friends, they certainly don’t value you as close as you do them.

if she can only afford one bridesmaid she should’ve asked a family member instead.

if this happened to me, I wouldn’t kick up a fuss to them, but I wouldn’t going to the wedding and would be distancing myself.

are you plus size OP? Not that it’s an excuse at all (I’m plus size) but is it possible she set her heart on dresses that don’t do your size? It’s no excuse but maybe that’s a reason. that or she’s worried that you will outshine her looks wise, if you’re physically more attractive.

Edited

Wow.

RogueMandible · 20/05/2025 18:15

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 18:10

If it was me, I’d be interested to know why bride friend didn’t pick me, but I’m not sure I’d have the pride to ask. Is it possible she asked you via message and you didn’t get it and now she assumes you’re ignoring her?

They’re not your friends, they certainly don’t value you as close as you do them.

if she can only afford one bridesmaid she should’ve asked a family member instead.

if this happened to me, I wouldn’t kick up a fuss to them, but I wouldn’t going to the wedding and would be distancing myself.

are you plus size OP? Not that it’s an excuse at all (I’m plus size) but is it possible she set her heart on dresses that don’t do your size? It’s no excuse but maybe that’s a reason. that or she’s worried that you will outshine her looks wise, if you’re physically more attractive.

Edited

What a silly overreaction. The OP wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, not framed for a murder she didn’t commit by A and B!

MaryGreenhill · 20/05/2025 18:12

I bet you are absolutely gorgeous and she is afraid you will outshine her OP.

amybabysa · 20/05/2025 18:10

If it was me, I’d be interested to know why bride friend didn’t pick me, but I’m not sure I’d have the pride to ask. Is it possible she asked you via message and you didn’t get it and now she assumes you’re ignoring her?

They’re not your friends, they certainly don’t value you as close as you do them.

if she can only afford one bridesmaid she should’ve asked a family member instead.

if this happened to me, I wouldn’t kick up a fuss to them, but I wouldn’t going to the wedding and would be distancing myself.

are you plus size OP? Not that it’s an excuse at all (I’m plus size) but is it possible she set her heart on dresses that don’t do your size? It’s no excuse but maybe that’s a reason. that or she’s worried that you will outshine her looks wise, if you’re physically more attractive.

SummerIce · 20/05/2025 18:10

That happened to me once. I felt slightly put out when I found out, but then I appreciated that the bride was always closer to the other friend than me. Even in a group of 3, one person can be very close to the other two but the other two not have as close a bond with each other.

babystarsandmoon · 20/05/2025 18:09

It’s not unreasonable to be upset but I wouldn’t say anything.

2BrownDogs · 20/05/2025 18:09

I'm too old to sit around wondeting where I stand in relationships.

Why don't you juat ask her why shes not asked you?

whynotmereally · 20/05/2025 18:08

I had a three way friendship but I was a lot closer to A than B back then so I just had A as bridesmaid. It wasn’t to be mean I just only wanted 1 adult bridesmaid. When B got married she just had A but when A got married she had both of us.

She is still your friend and may have good reasons for not having both of you rather than it being personal but I agree she should have given you a heads up.

Will you ask her? Or will B?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 20/05/2025 18:07

Yanbu and I'd go back over your memories of your friendship

I wouldnt say anything now as she'll just accuse you of being jealous etc

Wait until she contacts you. I bet she'll try to breeze past it and act like there's nothing untoward.

You deserve better xx