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Original poster

Something strange about mother in law

116 replies

ThatSparklyPearlShark · 20/05/2025 16:54

Hi everyone,

I had no idea who to voice this to so thought this would be the best option. Basically myself and my partner have been together for one year next week. I’m 27 and he’s 40 and we have a wonderful relationship. He is very close to his mother she’s 72. All of his family adore his mother and constantly say how lovely she is. I agree she is nice but a couple of things have happened that have made me feel a little uneasy and I want to know if I’m overreacting.

for example the weekend just gone she came to stay with us. We treated her all weekend to meals shopping etc and she seemed to have a great time. On Sunday she said she’d planned to leave at 4pm. On Sunday morning I suggested we go to the coffee shop for some breakfast at 10:30 am , anyway so myself and my partner were getting ready and it must’ve been about 10:25 when I got to the kitchen ( we live in a bungalow) and just before I got to the kitchen I heard her say ‘ for f sake hurry the f up all f’ing weekend of waiting around’ in a really annoyed and different voice - she usually sounds really sweet and has a light voice but this was deep and snappy. I came through to the kitchen and she instantly switched to her ‘sweet’ voice. I was just a bit startled ? Like wth ! She wasn’t waiting around at all we were so attentive to her all weekend and did everything she wanted there was no waiting around.

another thing she often does is go on and on about how thin and beautiful her daughter is in front of me when my partners not around . She’ll say things like (insert daughter’s name) ’ is so skinny anything looks good on her because she has that kind of figure. She mentions how beautiful and thin her daughter is every time without fail. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to bother me if it was mentioned once but it’s EVERY SINGLE TIME we see her it’s so strange.

I just feel a bit uneasy around her . I haven’t voiced this to my partner as I don’t want to upset him as he loves his mum so much. I don’t plan on telling him either I just wanted to voice my experience.

am I overeacting ? Or is she just a normal mother in law?

thanks

xx

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 09:01

thepariscrimefiles · 21/05/2025 08:57

OP has said that she left a guest tray for her in her room with snacks her partner said she liked, particular granola bars, fruit snacks etc.

Her boyfriends mother sounds more immature than OP with her ridiculous rant and her constant references to her daughter's slimness and beauty. Why on earth would OP care how beautiful this woman is? It's obviously a dig.

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I’m not sure it is obviously a dig.

All the women of my mums generation think their Dc and gc are beautiful, fabulous, brilliant. They get a lot of pride and meaning out of their family.

One of my mum’s friend’s sons has had a promotion which her friends found out about. The mum has been telling everyone that so and so knows about the promotion because it was apparently “on the news.” 😂 It was on his linked in profile!

ChiliFiend · 21/05/2025 08:58

Now you know what she is really like - use this knowledge to protect yourself. Be pleasant to her but never confide anything, ever. Don't see her more than you need to. And remember she'll speak to your future daughters about their weight in the same way if you have them with this man.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/05/2025 08:57

Maddy70 · 21/05/2025 07:50

She was hungry. You said 10.30 and she was waiting. Maybe she has breakfast at 8am. She was hangry. Nothing unusual there she was just venting under her breath , no maliciousness

She's proud of her beautiful daughter ....

You sound a bit jealous of your partner's close relationship and a little immature

OP has said that she left a guest tray for her in her room with snacks her partner said she liked, particular granola bars, fruit snacks etc.

Her boyfriends mother sounds more immature than OP with her ridiculous rant and her constant references to her daughter's slimness and beauty. Why on earth would OP care how beautiful this woman is? It's obviously a dig.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/05/2025 08:55

Well I’d tell the boyfriend to see his response. And if he at worst doesn’t believe you or is defensive I’d be reconsidering the relationship.

potential to be a nightmare.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/05/2025 08:49

BeaRightThere · 20/05/2025 17:51

Of course she's not all sweetness, but what has she done that's so terrible? She had what she thought was a private moan to herself - who hasn't done that? And the talking about her daughter, while irritating, isn't anything I would get too worked up over. I don't see how any of this means she's not a nice person or a fake. She's just human.

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She doesn't sound like a nice person though. She has been catered to and treated all weekend and instead of being grateful, she starts slagging off OP who hasn't done anything wrong.

The constant mentioning of how slim and beautiful her daughter is seems designed to to make an unflattering comparison with OP's weight and appearance.

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 08:48

rainbow231 · 20/05/2025 17:06

Hmm I’m unsure! My mil irritates me a lot and we have had our difficulties, she also does love to judge appearance/comment on weight but I don’t think she’d purposefully say anything pointed like that.

Re the breakfast though, could she have been a bit hangry/ fed up about going out to eat? Was there food available at home? I’m an early riser and would be seriously starving and on the edge by 10.30 if I hadn’t eaten anything at all by then. My pil eat more around 10 ish, but I know I can help myself to breakfast earlier there without issue.

Yes most people of that age I know tend to like to be up and moving quite some hours before that.

I know my parents find our house frustratingly inefficient in that way. They even say it to us! At least she was clearly trying to vent privately.

Re the slim daughter, most mums are proud. I don’t think that kind of waxing lyrical is so very bad or unusual. If it had been a son she had kept saying was so very handsome you’d probably just find it amusing. I think it’s the feeling of competition you are sensing and that might be coming from you as much as her.

Tbh I don’t think she sounds like your biggest concern: I’d be keeping an eye on your partner’s attitudes. The age gap is more unusual than an elderly mum saying her dd looks lovely in what she wears.

Justhere65 · 21/05/2025 08:42

Auroraloves · 21/05/2025 08:26

That’s good, I’m glad you’re not.

I will bash my MIL as much as I like she is a c^nt

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Well you sound charming!

Gardendiary · 21/05/2025 08:39

MyJoyousKoala · 20/05/2025 18:50

Sometimes odd, out of character behaviour can be an early sign of dementia, possibly something to keep in mind.

I agree, I’ve worked with people with dementia and a voice thats very different to her own and the swearing sounds familiar and more than just someone having a grumble behind closed doors.

sweetpickle2 · 21/05/2025 08:33

MyJoyousKoala · 20/05/2025 18:50

Sometimes odd, out of character behaviour can be an early sign of dementia, possibly something to keep in mind.

This was my first though- I’d be concerned more than annoyed.

Greenartywitch · 21/05/2025 08:32

I stopped reading after 'I am 27 and he is 40''.

Don't tie yourself to a much older man with 'mummy dearest' issues...

Seventree · 21/05/2025 08:29

My grandma does this, she's lived alone for years and her inside voice has become very much an outside voice if she thinks she's alone!

Auroraloves · 21/05/2025 08:26

Justhere65 · 21/05/2025 08:06

I’m a mother in law and I’m not like ‘this’. But Mumsnetters do love mother in law bashing! I find it hilarious … just live and let live.

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That’s good, I’m glad you’re not.

I will bash my MIL as much as I like she is a c^nt

jsku · 21/05/2025 08:25

@ThatSparklyPearlShark
Family who like your bf’s mother have known her for years. And so has your bf.
(she is hardly your mother in law - you’ve only been dating for a year).
Yet, you seem to think that after meeting this 72yo woman for a few brief moments - YOU know her true nature…

My guess is that whatever uneasiness/issues you feel is more about you, than about this woman who is well liked by her family.

If you want this relationship to work - I’d not try to open your bf’s eyes to how his mother ‘really is’. Just sayijg…

CiaoMeow · 21/05/2025 08:24

Did her head do a 360° spin?

Justhere65 · 21/05/2025 08:06

Auroraloves · 20/05/2025 20:27

IN MY EXPERIENCE,this is what mother in laws are like.

don’t tell people they’re absurd for speaking their point of view

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I’m a mother in law and I’m not like ‘this’. But Mumsnetters do love mother in law bashing! I find it hilarious … just live and let live.

ArtTheClown · 21/05/2025 07:59

Omg a 40 year old woman with a 27 year old man is stomach turningly creepy!

No it's not, it's perfectly okay.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/05/2025 07:56

Oh "That's nice" is your go to response.

Try letting her comments go over your head, some women are obsessive about weight, she is one of them, I'd just nod and smile.

Don't invite her for a weekend again.

Maddy70 · 21/05/2025 07:50

She was hungry. You said 10.30 and she was waiting. Maybe she has breakfast at 8am. She was hangry. Nothing unusual there she was just venting under her breath , no maliciousness

She's proud of her beautiful daughter ....

You sound a bit jealous of your partner's close relationship and a little immature

Oxo01 · 20/05/2025 23:36

I would have walked in and said sorry I didn't hear you properly, what was it you was saying ?

If she said nothing my reply would be
Oh i heard a deep voice which sounded just like the Excercist.
But I can be childish despite my age 😀

pottylolly · 20/05/2025 20:29

My sister in law is like this too. It’s so deeply psychotic

Auroraloves · 20/05/2025 20:27

Spacehop · 20/05/2025 19:14

Don't be absurd. That's like saying she's just an average woman. Women who happen to have sons don't automatically become evil. My mum only had daughters and she was just like this.

I feel really sorry for your DH OP. I wonder if she has always bullied him. I would be careful with her. Don't tell her anything personal as she's likely to use it against you.

Show quote history

IN MY EXPERIENCE,this is what mother in laws are like.

don’t tell people they’re absurd for speaking their point of view

Spacehop · 20/05/2025 19:14

Auroraloves · 20/05/2025 16:59

Sounds just like a normal mother in law. Although I wish my MIL had shown her nasty side earlier in the relationship and I might have made different choices. I can tolerate it now I’m a bit older and don’t give a fuck about her opinions.

Don't be absurd. That's like saying she's just an average woman. Women who happen to have sons don't automatically become evil. My mum only had daughters and she was just like this.

I feel really sorry for your DH OP. I wonder if she has always bullied him. I would be careful with her. Don't tell her anything personal as she's likely to use it against you.

RedRosesAndGypsophelia · 20/05/2025 19:11

My husband was 43 when I was 27.....
Anyway, clearly having watched too many horror films I vote that the MIL is possessed and only an adventure with the local priest and a rare artifact/book will save you!

Pomegranatecarnage · 20/05/2025 19:03

LoveWine123 · 20/05/2025 17:18

I would have gone to the kitchen and said: I’m so f’ing sorry you have been waiting a long f’ing time. We better f’ing hurry as I know you are very f’ing hungry.

And I would have walked out.

Brilliant riposte!

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 18:58

MyJoyousKoala · 20/05/2025 18:50

Sometimes odd, out of character behaviour can be an early sign of dementia, possibly something to keep in mind.

Excellent point.