To make my daughter do ballet

Depends.

DD didn't much like ballet and I made her go until lock-down, so 5/6 years. She liked dance, was very involved in performing arts and likely to head that way as a career.

She's now 16, definitely headed that direction as a career (not dance specifically) and delighted I made her do all those years as she has the foundation and it helps with dance in general. She even said thank you.

But there are times I have said yes to stopping activities - but needs to be a good set of reasons properly laid out.

I’ve encouraged my kids to do ballet (and tap&modern etc) from 3. They love it but not all the time; my 8yr old was fed up with ballet earlier this year but with hindsight I think it was the exam prep.

However - no 5yo at their dance school is doing grade 1 exams. The school doesn’t put anyone into exams till 5-6. My 8yr old just did her Grade 1 exam with 8-9yr olds (a couple of 7yr olds about to turn 8, too).

I wonder if it’s a bit too exam-focused / strict for her at this age? Taking longer doesn’t cause any harm; plenty turn professional or join proper boarding ballet schools from our dance school.

I think you should say that she does it to the end of term and if she still doesn't want to do it any more she stops at that point and can choose something else instead.

She can’t have done Grade 1 at 5 if she is doing RAD. You can’t do the first exam (Primary) till you are 6 and you can’t do Grade 1 till 7. Did you mean she started when she was 5 and has now just done Grade 1?

Does she come out of class happy or does she come out saying she doesn’t want to do it? My kids sometimes can’t be bothered to get out of the house to go to their activities but then leave the activity saying they enjoyed them and if I ask at the end of the class “do you want to carry on” they say “yes”. I wouldn’t let them give up if it is just they can’t be bothered to get ready but love it when they are there - that is a life lesson about getting over the laziness/procrastination to do the thing that actually brings you joy. But if she comes out saying she doesn’t like it, or if she says she wants to drop ballet during the week (as opposed to the moment you say it’s time to stop playing and put your uniform on) that is different and I’d let her stop during the summer once the term you have committed to is finished.

She can always take it up again in another year if she decides she loves dance after all. My older DD did ballet as a tot, then gave up at 8 as she fell out of love with it, and then a year later said she regretted the decision and wanted to rejoin. It isn’t a decision for the rest of her life.

I never forced my Daughter to do a hobby, she switched a LOT but age 7 she landed on a hobby that she loved so much she ended up competing at high level and represented England a number of times. She eventually decided she was done with that and again I never forced her, hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable and if you force them you remove the love and passion that allows them to excel.

My Daughter took so much away from her time in her chosen sport that still benefits her today and got to travel while competing, she never would have even found it if I forced her to stay at the first or second or even third thing she tried, and the sport she stuck with she had such a natural talent, it would have been a real shame if she never found it or found it late as she has developed a basis that means she can go back to it at any point and will do well.

Give it till end of term and if she doesn’t like it let her stop.

my daughter is also a performer. But she tried dance at age 4 and hated it so we stopped. She recently asked if she could try again at age 9 and after a month decided she really didn’t like it. No problem. She can sing, she can act, she can’t dance. This is fine.

she has tried quite a few sports including football, netball, boxing, rugby, cricket and swimming. Her favourite thing in the world is rugby.

let her try lots of different things, not just dance. She might not be a future international ballerina but a future Olympic gymnast or rugby player or something! Or maybe she’ll just be average at her hobbies and just enjoy them which really is the main thing

I was made to do things. I’m still resentful and I’m in my 50’s. Just stop it.

She’s too little to be forced into stuff. Gymnastics is also good for balance etc so ask if she wants to try that. Your mum did the right thing

She does two other dance activities, surely that covers the practice for balance, confidence, friendships, discipline and posture?

If you paid till end of term I'd see that out, and then finish. Perhaps it's worth giving her an opportunity to experience something else? Tennis, football, swim lessons, skiing etc if you haven't already.

I'd encourage her to stick it out til the next natural pause (end of term or whatever) and then take a view on how she's feeling about it.

Are you sure she’s done grade 1 as i thought the minimum age for that was 7??

Either way if she hates it that much I wouldn’t be pushing it long term. I have an agreement with mine that if I pay a term they need to see that out. The one exception to that was my own 5yo who really took exception to a particular class and basically cried and refused to do it. The teacher actually called me to offer a refund. No idea why as she’d done the same class with a different teacher but seemed to have a real strong hatred of the new one.

She’s five! Leave it a few years and then see what actually interests her. Don’t put your own unfulfilled ambition on her.

Let her stop . Don't be that mum that drags a crying child to an activity .
Stop for a few weeks / month or two then ask if she's missing it and wants to try again .

If she’s a performer would a more general performing arts class be more to her taste than ballet? It seems a lot of dance for a young child unless she really loves it.

Is it the class time? Or actually ballet?

Doing 3 different dance classes at 5 years old seems a lot to me. Does she do some non dance activities too? Rainbows, swimming lessons etc.

If she's not enjoying ballet and doesn't want to go to a Saturday morning class then I'd drop that class. Children need downtime too where they're not in an adult led activity.

Our rule has always been unless there are extenuating circumstances (once there was a teacher who was a bully etc) then they must complete the term I've paid for. Each dc needs to be in something sport and another hobby but we are completely flexible as to what that is.

The fact she's sticking with two other types of dance tells me if she does take sudden interest in taking dance seriously, which there's only ever a small chance of, she can pick up ballet again down the road.

In your situation I'd listen to her about what the issue is and tell her continuing with ballet is her choice, though unless there's anything extenuating, I'd have her complete the term. Maybe once she sees she has some autonomy and it's not forever, the last 6 ish weeks of term won't be as hard to get her to.

If a child asks to do an activity, and the parent says ‘are you sure, it’s a 10-week course’ or ‘it’s a six-month season’, etc, then the child commits to seeing through what’s booked in.
If it’s a rolling activity with no commitment to a team or whatever, and they decide they don’t enjoy it, then it’s fine to stop.
She’s done it for a year so she has a fair idea whether she enjoys it or not.

YABU to force her to carry on with something that she doesn’t want to do. Let her give it up if that’s what she wants and let her try other things I’m sure she will find something that she enjoys. My mum always let me try things but also listened to me when I said that I didn’t want to do it anymore.

I was very thankful my mum didn't push me to pursue activities I wasn't enjoying, I tried lots of things until I settled on hobbies that were better suited to me, on the flip side my DH was made to continue with hobbies he disliked and resents it, you can pick up things when you get older, support her trying different things. My eldest DD settled on gymnastics and loves it, but never like ballet or dance

Agree. I also think a 5 year old is too young to be expected to commit to any activity regularly unless they absolutely love it .
My sons loved football at that age so it wasn’t an issue.
My daughter started rainbows around that age and really didn’t enjoy it so stopped going.

I wish my parents had made me do activities, we didn’t do any.

I think you should ask her to carry on those that you’ve already paid for, and then to pick another sport or activity to fill the time instead. Let’s her try out different things

At that age let her try something different each term to find out what she enjoys the most. The only compulsory activity we had was swimming to a good standard.

Stop blaming your mum for her parenting choices!

There are loads of hobby options for DC to try, great if one or more goes well and they stick with it, not a problem if not.

She is 5 and is a performer what does that mean. What if she doesn't want to be a performer.