To make my daughter do ballet

Don’t force her- life is too short for trauma filled Saturday mornings.

encourage her to try other things- she’ll find something she enjoys

Find another dance class which is about having fun, making friends and keeping fit, not doing stupid exams aged FIVE.

Seriously. Why do parents put up with this shit? Ballet exams are utterly pointless other than for the 0.001% of children who are going to have a career as professional ballet dancers.

If she consistently doesn’t like it then frankly it’s bad parenting to force her to go. She won’t have happy memories of you. Learn from my mistake forcing Dd to do the violin. Really really wish I had listened to her.

Both mine as teens tried out lots of activities then settled on one each that they kept going all through the teen years. Never had to nag them as they wanted to go. Neither were more than competent but it didn’t matter it was physical and they met new friends.

I wouldn't force her. One of mine last three lessons.

Having had one go all the way to pre-professional full time training, any future children I had (won't have, hypothetical), wouldn't be allowed to start ballet at all.

I didn’t even bother to respond to this silliness lol

Ballet classes are a terrible thing for children who love dance. A child who loves dancing does not want to do the movements that someone else decides, in time to music that someone else chose. Standing in formation with other children all trying to do the same movements at the same time is the complete opposite of what a dance-loving child wants to do.

That is just utter rubbish.

Ballet classes are a terrible thing for children who love dance. A child who loves dancing does not want to do the movements that someone else decides, in time to music that someone else chose. Standing in formation with other children all trying to do the same movements at the same time is the complete opposite of what a dance-loving child wants to do.

Let her stop. Do some tasters of other kinds of activities and ask her to pick one thing that she will practice at. Musical instrument/swimming/gymnastics/street dance/acting/choir - loads of options, and it's good for any child to have a thing outside school that they practice at to try to improve, but it needs to be her choice not yours.

I agree. It is wrong to force a child to do something they are not happy with. She'll find something else but it must be her choice.

Poor thing, she should do things she’s interested in and not things you’re interested in.

3 types of dance is overkill at 5 and I say that as a mother of a child who does ballet, Musical theatre and drama. Aswell as Gymnastics, football, horse riding. And swimming (as a family). Let her quit it for a bit and see if she asks to go back

Also i don't think she actually did grade 1 ballet at age 5?. I'm not sure RAD or ISTD even allow it so young. To actually pass it at that age would require a massive amount of work and concentration way beyond reasonable age related expectations - if actually true it is probably what has put her off, putting her into too high a grade at much too early an age. It would be more normal to take grade 1 in year 3 at age 8.

Crying/tantrums is quite severe op however, does she have a tendency to quit everything as soon as a bit of effort is involved or it gets where you need to start actually learning skills/progressing?

I do think a lot of children have a tendency to want to quit anything. As soon as a hobby progresses past easy fun, when there starts to be an expectation of discipline, focus and practise, they want to quit. If she still enjoys dancing around for fun but is a bit lazy/doesn't see the value to put in even a little effort or work, thats not a great character trait. A few years later you have a bored teenager with no hobbies drifting about on their phone. Its actually good for kids to stick at something and then get a sense of what hard work achieves when they get the swimming badge or the dance grade & feel proud.

If she's got other hobbies she's willing to stick at and its that this one is the least favoured, let her quit but make it clear its to allow her to focus on sticking at others.

If she quits at everything:

• see if she might compromise - is there a different ballet class where she might get along better with the teacher or have friends in the class?
• chat to her and check there isn't something specific putting her off like tight shoes or not liking the leotard ( a teacher will probably allow her wear a teeshirt and shorts if it means she doesn't quit).
• offer a deal where she tries a bit longer in return for a reward, ideally something linked to the hobby like a trip to a ballet show
• remember to make a fuss about achievements - celebrate passing exams, tell her proud you are if she dances in shows
• if life is a bit overscheduled and actually what she wants is more down time, are there any other areas where you can make changes to give her that

If she really, really doesn't like ballet itself, might she like to swap to modern/jazz or tap where the skills and progress she's achieved so far will be useful and she can build on them.

As a child i had stages where i wanted to quit my music lessons. Now as an adult who can play piano well, i am eternally grateful my parents didn't let me give up.

Let her choose another hobby.

I still hold a grudge against my Mother nearly 40 years later for forcing me to go to Brownies when I was older. Our Brownies was rubbish and so many kids left, my Mother thought I should still go to keep the numbers up as it would be a shame if it closed. Hated it. Was jumping for joy when it finally closed!

AND

Forced to go to a professional swimming group because I was a really good swimmer and a relative was the pool manager, again it was to keep the attendance rates up. I hated swimming despite having a natural gift for it and ended up hiding out in the changing rooms for 2 hours every Saturday.

I was more a climbing trees and doing karate kind of kid.

How is she when she comes out? I never let mine decide to give anything up on a bad day. I talk to them when calm and make sure it’s what they really want. They both have long standing hobbies they’re good at and they enjoy now.

Kids hobbies don’t tend to last long, no point forcing them, they’ll only hate doing it more. You’ll know when she’s found her ‘thing’ as she won’t want to give up.

My DM used to force me to go to ballet as she always wanted to, but her parents wouldn’t allow it, so she tried to live it through me. I hated it and resented her for making me spend my time on doing something I didn’t like.

What if she’s missing out on a career as show jumper, or violinist, or actor, or….. let her drop it. And think about replacing one of the other two dance activities with something different. She’s very narrowly focussed.

Oh and cycle. Learning to ride a bike was compulsory

I think it takes many years to find your real long term hobbies for many people. I just insisted on swimming and then only until they could do a couple of lengths and dive and fetch things at the bottom of the pool.

@Hairyragemachine , would you make your son do ballet ? , if not stop pushing gender stereotypes ( and your regrets ) onto your DD .

My daughter loves ballet and always has - started in baby ballet as a toddler and still dancing now at 12. She’s tried other styles throughout the years but nothing is as true to her as ballet.

3 classes is a lot for her age so maybe she just needs some more downtime anyway.

I have the same rules for my kids - they finish what I pay for and then we talk about it. Honestly they’re both so busy and it’s pretty exhausting so I don’t push them to continue with anything they don’t love. No one will be amazing at something they don’t love and your daughter is so young she has plenty of time to come back to it if she changes her mind

"What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please"

I think you are being ridiculous. Along with 99.99999% of the population, she has almost no chance whatsoever of becoming a principal dancer with a professional ballet company.

She is a young child don't make her go to dance lessons if she doesn't want to go..you will.make her hate it
Perhaps when she is older she will decide she wants to do it or maybe she will find something else she wants to do..Let her try lots of things and chose what she wants to do in her spare time.
Don't live through your child.

I did ballet for a few years but gave it up at about 8 after the teacher asked me to repeat a year with younger girls! Utterly humiliating. I lost a lot of confidence in myself because I thought I lacked coordination, actually I'm dyspraxic and absolutely tone deaf so it's hardly a surprise I struggled.

According to my parents at the end of year show when I was six, I was a goat and fell onto the stage scratched myself, rubbed off the make up and fell off the stage while all the other kids performed the routine. I've tried to block it out of my mind but they've hooted with laughter about it for years.

So long as you child gets some physical exercise they enjoy I think you are fine.

Let her pick what she wants to do next.

Also keep an eye on things that she naturally gravitates towards. Does she dance? Draw? Do gymnastics move? Is she musical?

I agree with you, when my daughter was that age she did any class I signed up for until the end of the term (when it was paid for) and then I put her in something else.

But I think the value comes when they are a little older and they show you what they are into. We discovered my daughter hobby after giving up on paid for classes and we took a long break. She was teaching herself a sport and I realised she is into it so we started paying for classes and she still does it now as a teen.

My DD stopped ballet after she took primary exam. She did tap from 6. At 14 she took ballet back up again and is now an MT professional who dances on pointe. Stopping for a while doesn’t stop you being a professional dancer if you have the talent.