To make my daughter do ballet

The hair is put in a bun so it is out of the way. The teacher can then see the line of the head, neck and shoulders; and they wear close-fitting leotards and have either bare legs or tights so the teacher can see exactly how they are holding themselves, their positioning, and which muscles they are engaging. It enables the teacher to check they are using themselves properly, and so they can be taught the correct technique.

And absolutely - those sorts of things make total sense to anyone ‘into’ ballet and my daughter would be the one to tell me all those expectations. I can’t imagine navigating this with a child who didn’t even like it. My daughter breathes ballet and would never even think to wear underwear under a leotard. Am sure parents of children with other passions know a lot about those topics too, I just have a dancer. (And a boy currently playing two games of football so I get to learn a lot about that too. Find it far less interesting to be honest!)

How horrendous - you poor thing.

And that exemplifies very much my problem with ballet. There is a focus on girls and women having a particular body type, and they are made to dress in a way that displays that body type to the adult gaze.

I remember when my daughter was doing it, sitting in the waiting room one time reading competition guidelines for the slightly older age groups, and there were these restrictions on girls not being allowed to wear underwear under their leotards .... WTAF!

I am not suggesting ballet attracts paedophiles (though to a certain extent I do imagine it would). I just don't think it's a good message to give young girls - that sounds much of their worth and value depends on their body conforming to others' expectations of it ....

My mom allowed me to quit ballet when I was about 5 and I have always been grateful to her for that. It just wasn't my type of thing - the pink tutus, the special hairstyles...I was not that girl, and I am not that woman now.

I did sign my own daughter up for ballet when she was little, as for all I knew her preferences might be different from mine. But I found the whole thing really weird - the emphasis on styling the hair of even very young girls a certain way, the emphasis on them wearing certain things to display their bodies. The whole idea of their bodies and movements having to conform to a particular ideal, even at such a very young age.....

My daughter also found she didn't like it, so I let her quit as soon as she was ready to.

I think it takes a certain type of person to love ballet. And if you are not that type of person, being compelled to do it feels horrendous.

Please don't do that to your child. Just let her be happy and herself. Children have to conform enough at school - but at least there there are important reasons for it. Please don't make her go through this at the weekend too, simply for the sake of a hobby.....

My dd2 was a bit hot and cold with dance. Where as dd1 loved it and would have danced every day. Dd2 almost gave up at least once a year. Because you pay termly I always said she could stop at the end of term. By that time there was normally an exam or a show she wanted to do and she carried on. She did it until she was nearly 16 in the end and did exams up to grade 6.

that said. There was never any massive upset tantrums and real difficulty getting her to go. If she had been really upset I may have let her stop immediately. She tried a lot of other activities too over the years but dance ended up being the thing she did the longest.

I was made to do ballet. It’s not great memories. The teacher made fun of the ‘bag of sweets I kept in
my leotard’ (I had a pot belly)

My method with these things, is drop the stuff they don't like, but throw the kitchen sink behind their passions. I have two theatre school kids and it lights them up. Find their thing and it's easy.

DS is 15 and does football and piano but they don't light him up, they get him off his arse, which is the same thing translated for teen boys.

Oh and about the point for future musicians. My mother forced me to take piano lessons for years. The only positive thing to come from it is my little brother sat down with me and discovered he loved it. He quickly outpaced me, was on the piano constantly and is a musician and music teacher today. he regularly would just sit down and play for his own enjoyment. I dropped it the day I was allowed to and haven’t sat at a piano since.

That’s not true. My DD is a professional ballet dancer and all the pushing came from her. She dropped most other hobbies to concentrate on dance, because she wanted to. We as parents had the tricky path of trying to be supportive while not being keen.

I actually believe that it’s important to have the opportunity to learn music, dance, art, etc etc etc. But it shouldn’t be compulsory. I think people who truly love to create whatever sort of art they love do beautiful things. I spend a lot of time going to the theatre and concerts and museums so I do think they’re valuable. But no I don’t think children should be pushed to learn an instrument they don’t enjoy and no I don’t think everyone needs to spend an hour a week learning ballet. There are so many interesting things to learn about and explore so finding something you love should be the goal.

some children will love cooking or lego or reading. Some will love ballet. Some will love rocks. These (and endless others) can only be found and explored if the children have the exposure and time to do so. If they’re timetabled every single day doing something out of obligation how would that happen?

some children love the discipline and grace of ballet (my daughter) but not everyone does and this girl shouldn’t be forced, particularly when it seems she is really, really busy already.

I just can’t imagine a five year old saying “I don’t want to give up an hour of my Saturday morning” like you’ve posted

I wouldn’t force - it’s obv not speaking to her for her to have the massive tantrum

Piano lessons are definitely not a life skill 😂 I’m always confused why MN thinks they are.

Most musicians I’ve known are the self-driven type tbh.

ETA: And I’m definitely not anti-music at all. Was always my “thing” (still do it as a hobby), studied it at university, and only decided not to go into it as a career because I didn’t want to teach and the life of a professional musician is hard. Never had a piano lesson in my life…

We will be short of musicians in future if the only people who learn them are the few self-driven children.

Why is it ok to push your child to learn maths, science or English - but not music? What’s the difference between mandatory weekly swimming lessons and weekly piano lessons? Is it because it’s not valued as a life skill?

They will not practice by themselves consistently unless you own no toys or screen.

They will if they enjoy it. Not so much if it’s something their parents are pushing them into because they feel that the kids “should” play a musical instrument.

This sounds like an awful lot for a 5 year old.

@Hairyragemachine you remind me of my father in a very uncomplimentary way. He was involved in a sport and was ment to be in the Olympics (he was that good) but life got in the way and he was deployed to the Falklands war instead. Unfortunately for him that time away from the sport along with his age ment that he never qualified again. So much like you he decided to live vicariously through my sister and I, he was adamant that one of us would go to the Olympics instead. My sister never had any aptitude for the sport and was quickly sidelined so all the pressure went on me and a sport that I enjoyed and was reasonably good at became something I hated and helped destroy our relationship. I ende0d up quitting the sport after many arguments and refusing to go for months, it's been almost 40 years since then and I've never done the sport again nor ever will, it was that damaging, which is why when he started to try the same with my kids I shut him down immediately.
Your at risk of doing the same with your dd. Your regrets, disappointments and mistakes are yours not your dds, stop trying to relive your choices through her. She needs to make her own choices and mistakes, she has a lot of extracurricular activities let her drop this one don't become my father

I did ballet from the age of 5-11. As an adult I am not a performer, I have terrible posture, flat feet and can barely balance standing on one leg! You're definitely sending her for the wrong reasons.

Don't live your life through your daughter .. it's not a good look

I agree. It’s always been mandatory for my kids that they learn one musical instrument and do one sport club out of school, and cannot drop either as long as they live at home. The type of sport or instrument can be swapped but it has to continue. Since they were about 7 years old. It’s worked and they are all glad I pushed them!

I think you have to tackle the use of the iPad, regardless of whether your DD continues with ballet.

It doesn't generally work like that. Obviously if a child is screaming and hates something, it's not right for them.
But hardly any small children have the self-discipline to continue with a hobby on their own. The option to quit needs to be taken off the table if they generally enjoy it, when they are young.
It's like instrument practice: you either bake it into the day schedule as a fact or you don't sign up your child for instrument classes. They will not practice by themselves consistently unless you own no toys or screen.

I push my children academically sometimes - my daughter struggles in maths so I work with her every week and learn new things. My son needed some support with reading. I make them meet their obligations - so if they say they’re doing football or ballet or coding club they need to finish the term. But otherwise hobbies are meant to be enjoyable. Challenging sure but inherently enjoyable. It’s wrong to take the joy out of dance in my opinion.

I disagree about the pushing Edinsburgh. They need to want it and enjoy it if they are going to excel in something. Now my daughter is constantly pushing me to do more and more dance. She has the internal drive for it. My older son does not have that same drive so he does less than her.

My daughter loves dance but hates ballet. It is boring. She quit at 5 then started cheer dance six months later. Much more fun at that age. Maybe just try a different style. Then she realised she had a talent for dance and loved the competition part of it. At age 9 she dances four nights a week. All sorts of styles but she still hates ballet. She does a ballet tap and modern class but they rotate the styles so at least she is t doing it all the time.

If parents didn’t push their children to do things there would be no ballerinas, violinists, concert pianists, top athletes, Olympians…