To make my daughter do ballet

The dire warnings that if you don’t “push” young children they will become screen addled layabouts as teens is nonsense. We did a broad selection of activities some were dropped as they didnt enjoy them each girl of their own volition chose one activity that they actually enjoyed then voluntarily did until 16.

They both wanted to have a “thing” that they did as most of their friends did. When the activity was chosen they did it gladly from 13-16 with no parental pushing needed.

Yup, they keep saying pull your tummy in, turn your feet out, chin up, bottom in etc. Hair bun gives you a headache, leotard gives you a wedgie and makes it a total pita to go to the loo. And you have to remember lots of routines. There’s not much to love. Except leaps. Leaps are amazing. And gallops can be fun!

Stop the ballet classes. Most little girls HATE ballet.

Yes maybe. My teacher was a dragon about these things. We HAD to have our hair back without even clips, pins or slides other than in the bun itself!

For character one year my daughter had a flower head dress thing. So maybe the character dance?

I’m surprised she got to wear flowers for an exam. Which board is it?

But a bob would … well … bob about! And braids flick about.
With a bob you also can’t get an unobstructed view of the neck which ruins the lines.

It is odd that the dress and the hair seem so central though for a form of dance that is so much about form. DD's friends were chastised for not having hair that sat in bun because they had braids and a bob. Who cares if you can do the moves!?

Yes. If it’s a passion, it’s a passion and that’s a wonderful thing.

But it’s a tough choice for a child who doesn’t genuinely love it.

ETA I think a parent needs to be aware it quickly becomes a hobby that picks and chooses. Most hobbies and sports do but the “ rejection criteria” are a little more vague and less black and white.

I think we agree actually. I would never push someone into ballet. Or pretty much any hobby. I just don’t like all the that about the stupid hair and stupid uniform and ridiculous requirements. That’s just part of ballet and if your child is a natural ballerina they will love all of that. Most children aren’t. My daughter has loved ballet since day 1 and hated all the more creative options - said they were too loud and scary. She loves standing in a line wearing exactly what she’s meant to wear and doing exactly what everyone else does. Most children don’t and shouldn’t be forced to do it for their parents.

Yeah tell me about the feet! They are literally destroyed for the art …

I agree. Beyond a certain point it has to come from them. And it will, if it’s their metier.

I think in fairness that poster had a point.

I did a lot of ballet and there comes a point in many dance schools where it can be quite a brutal thing. Ballet is unforgiving about proportion, shape, turnout, all sorts of things and we had loads of anorexia and self-image issues going on in our class. Some of the most diligent and committed just aren’t going to go far through no fault but of their own - and even if you do go far it’s a punishing career. It’s got to be a near obsession to be a long-term proposition, combined with a lot of good fortune in your genes.

So yes, it’s great for those it’s great for but it is important for parents to acknowledge the realities too . There’s nothing wrong with advising people to choose something a little more forgiving. Different if the child simply adores it: you support them and make plans for how you will handle their boobs growing cup sizes too large or their legs being too short after puberty. But op’s dd clearly doesn’t have that passion for it or she’d be begging to go.

I had the right shape and only an occasional love of it. It drove my teacher and a handful of the really diligent, committed ballerinas who worked very hard to distraction with frustration. But in the end I pointed out I simply lacked the necessary passion in the same way they equally and through no choice of their own lacked the physique. But few hobbies are as exacting in that sense. And there were a lot of very disappointed dancers in my group. One did in fact become professional. She was gifted on both fronts but it isn’t a career for the faint -hearted.

It’s a nice thing for little girls to bob about in pink tutus while they are very little, but it quickly takes on a different vibe unless you particularly choose a “ just for fun” school.

She isn’t missing out on being a Prima ballerina op; a vanishingly tiny number of people ever get that far without a true passion which she clearly hasn’t got.

In any case, she’s already doing other dance. Grade 1 is so basic the skills are quite transferable from one style to another if she really does change her mind.

I think the problem here is you have pendulum-swung from not persisting with enough yourself as a child to overloading your DD. It’s a problem today that children are overloaded with structured activity and aren’t developing all the skills of creativity, self-entertainment and just good old fashioned play that nature intends every species to have. What would you say if you saw a playful puppy in full time structured training?

Let her choose one or two things SHE likes and say you would like her to stick with her choice until x grade/ period of time so she chooses carefully.

Oh I did say the hair is stupid. Which it is. I definitely think overly tight buns are stupid.

I'm not being rude about ballet. Nowhere did I say it was stupid. The dance itself is lovely, why would I have enrolled her otherwise? The culture around the two dance schools she tried however was not.

There’s really no reason to be rude about ballet. Your daughter didn’t like it and likes something else. Great! I would never say ‘she’s doing stupid street dance’

It’s actually amazing when you find something your child really, truly loves. I’ve never liked anything as much as my daughter loves ballet. It’s magical when she dances. And she was like this from her first day at baby ballet when she was 4. If she hadn’t been, we would have kept looking.

My dd did grade 1 and dropped it. I was pleased. They were already making comments about how nice it was they had to take her belt in compared to some of the other girls. I found it incredibly odd that they wouldn't let them rehearse in leggings but had to run around in essentially underwear.

She switched to street dance. It's so much better. No exams, no stupid hair, no leotards, they choreograph a lot themselves and just go for an hour and have fun.

Are you living a life you didn't have through your daughter.. she's 5 leave her be

Ballet is not for everyone.

It's not essential at all.

I was forced to Judo. My parents sold to me under the guise of it being self defence. I was good at techniques but once you get to a certain grade, it is about the fighting. I did not want to hurt people and I did not want people hurting me.
I hated it and was berated for not progressing.
I was 13/14 at the time and made to lie on top of teen boys and grown men, and have them lie on top of me too in the form of Judo holds. I was not comfortable with that at all. And some of the teen boys thought it was funny and would dry hump me and groan.

Agree. If we leave it solely to children to find their passion and show the perseverance and commitment to continue it to a level of excellence, well a vanishingly small number of people will become excellent at anything!

Especially giving growth of addictive tech filling children’s hours, fewer options to get inspired to become good at something (eg book reading, watching TV or films) and reduction in art and music classes in school.

I agree, there is no point in pursuing any hobby or activity unless it is something you actually enjoy doing.

Everyone here will tell you to let her quit. Don’t.

parents guide their children or give the option of balled or something else movement based. Learning perseverance and discipline is important it’s how you build any skill.

Of course - all makes sense to anyone who has an interest in ballet. Just like any number of 'obvious' things probably make sense to people into football or chess or whatever else. But pushing this sort of thing onto someone who doesn't enjoy any aspect of it is silly. My daughter has 0 issues wearing a bun and a uniform and spending hours in a class working on head alignment. But this would be unpleasant for a decent proportion of the population!