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Original poster

My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

257 replies

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 20/05/2025 17:53

Neither of these men have any respect for you.

I'm not sure why you are blaming the son. He's just doing what he wants in his house and with the acceptance of the home owner.

If you partner had an respect for you he would have addressed his son's rudeness to you in the past.

It's very clear where you stand - it's not top of either of their lists.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:53

I moved here because he couldn’t move to mine because of work. So we’d be back to seeing each other once a month.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 20/05/2025 17:52

Rollofrockandsand · 20/05/2025 17:03

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. No 18 year old need to have a girlfriend staying every weekend and I totally get it’s an intrusion. Having said that it’s poor parenting by your partner.

I guess it was a bit of an intrusion when OP moved in too but the son was expected to put up and shut up.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:52

I’m not asking him to choose me over his son, I’m asking for some free weekends on our own so we can do what we want in the home. I might not want them hearing us have sex just as I don’t want to hear them. It’s about respecting everyone.

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 20/05/2025 17:50

It's not hard to see where your stepson gets his lack.of respect for you - he's following his dad's cues. Move out, and consider ending this relationship.

MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 17:48

Do you own the home with your partner, if not he can do what he likes really, I'd move out, if your relationship is strong then he'll make adjustments or stay at yours.

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 17:47

How much of an impact does him having his girlfriend stay for the weekend really have? Are they not going out or hanging out in his room all that time?

Your partner is right that it’s his son's home too so he should be able to be there whenever he wants.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:46

No. We don’t see her. But even been introduced.

OP posts:
cooldarkroom · 20/05/2025 17:44

Have you said anything to the GF ? "Look Doris, I think you should stay at your Mum's &/or Dad's or SSon's Mum's in rotation.
Because I don't want to hear you having sex every single w/e. I really need some rest & space after my week at work."

rubicustellitall · 20/05/2025 17:44

Go home OP you do not need this at all.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:43

There’s other stuff. I once asked the son to not do something (I’d asked him before) and it ended up him swearing at me and OH did nothing. I did tell him at that point if he didn’t respect me then we’d have no future.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:41

We have started to but then we’re having to go out to have our relationship when his son has freedom of the house to do what he likes.

OP posts:
TryingToBeHelpful267 · 20/05/2025 17:39

He’s not going to choose you over his son so if you can’t stand it then you’ll have to leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

Loopytiles · 20/05/2025 17:38

It doesn’t sound like you living there has worked out: would move out.

You dislike aspects of your DP’s DS’s behaviour and your DP’s parenting: if your DP wanted to change his parenting and/or how he treats you he would have done so by now.

Easipeelerie · 20/05/2025 17:33

I’d move out. You’re not a priority.

Ponderingwindow · 20/05/2025 17:32

I’m of the opinion that my own dd can have all the overnight guests she wants once she moves out to university. The move isn’t that far away. She doesn’t need to have anyone stay in my home right now or during these early years when she is back and forth between my home and student housing. We can revisit if she develops a long term relationship that may last indefinitely.

that said, if you are as much of an interloper as any of the son’s girlfriend’s then it isn’t really your decision. It depends on if this is really your home or just your boyfriend’s

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 20/05/2025 17:32

You can still have a future together if you move back to your property and just enjoy dating. No domestic drudgery needed.

With no marriage contract and your name not on the boyfriends deeds you can't really dictate who the man allows in his house.

(To reply to a specific post you can quote it or @ the username)

Zucker · 20/05/2025 17:30

Leave and go back to your own house. Neither of those men appreciate you. Before long he'll move the girlfriend in anyway.

Vevvie · 20/05/2025 17:28

It won’t change, I’d go home and have your partner come and stay with you. You will have control in your own place.

TonTonMacoute · 20/05/2025 17:28

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:00

i don’t know. That’s why I’m asking for advice. I wouldn’t have expected my boyfriend of a few weeks to stay over at my parents house. But then dies that mean I’m old fashioned 🤷‍♀️🤣

You have nailed it here, the problem is a difference in expectations. I think some men are just less understanding about what other people want. It's his son, he doesn't mind the GF, and he doesn't want a row and to fall out with his son because you want a weekend on your own.

It sounds as if there might be other stuff going on too, as you say you've been trying to rescue the relationship for a while, but your DP doesn't think it's worth trying to keep the odd weekend free to spend time together.

Ypu cannot rescue the relationship on your own and it doesn't seem like DP feels it's worth him making an effort.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/05/2025 17:28

Even though you pay in as much as your DH does, as you moved into his home, he doesn't think that you have any rights and he will always take his son's side.

It doesn't sound enjoyable in any way and you often feel uncomfortable in your home so I would make plans to leave. You will need to give your tenants notice.

Bananalanacake · 20/05/2025 17:28

I always say if you don't have DC together there's no point in living together if either of you has DC at home. Live apart and date him once or twice a week, you never have to see the son and GF if you don't want to. I would patiently wait for your tenants to move out.

TheHerboriste · 20/05/2025 17:27

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:06

I guess because I love him and I’ve been trying to save our relationship for about six months. Ultimately all the issues are caused by his son bringing disrespectful to his dad and me yet his dad can’t see it.

No, your troubles are caused by your boyfriend being disrespectful of YOU. The son is just a symptom.

Out of curiosity, who does most of the cleaning?

Can you move in with your dad until you can reclaim your house?

nomas · 20/05/2025 17:26

I hope you’re not cooking for any of these twats?

If you are, stop cooking for them all
Stop doing DP’s washing
Don’t tidy after them

nopineapplepizza · 20/05/2025 17:26

Move out and date your DP if you so wish.

It doesn’t sound like your relationship is great in general anyway 🤷‍♀️ He doesn’t respect your opinion or contribution to the household.

In an era where many kids end up living with their parents until well into their 20s, you could have years of this behaviour to go. His Dad refuses to deal with it, so move out and leave him to it.