My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

I'd move out, it's not working for you. You deserve security, peace and quiet.

It's a bit 'boys will be boys' innit? Rotten for you that you actually live there. Must you live there? Could you live elsewhere and visit?

OP I think I would just be moving out. I’d there somewhere local you can rent? I wouldn’t want to be feeling like I can’t relax at home,’it should be a sanctuary.

You absolutely deserve better treatment than this.

💐

The laundry thing and the being sworn at unchecked just speak volumes to me. Unacceptable.

It was their house, the two of them,
Dad moved his girlfriend in.
It's not really fair to then say the other person who was originally living there can't have his girlfriend round or move her in.

I don't think I would have opted to move in with a 16yo boy in the first place, what was the rush? Surely better to have your own place then the two of you could have had time alone together there.

Just tell your OH, you’re moving out and out of this relationship, be serious about it, start looking for places as I guess ur house on rent means u can’t just kick the tenants out, pack ur belongings. If he really cares for you and sees your serious about leaving, he will make the necessary changes and if he doesn’t then why waste ur life with a man that will never put u first.

I was just thinking that, I don't know anyone with adult kids that can do as they please yet on MN it's seen as normal. Everyone else seems to understand it's their parents house and they live in it until they are on their feet enough to leave. They ask parents permission at any age for having friends or partners over.

OP

It doesn't suit you and TBH I imagine there is a lot more going on in the background to the point where you feel thoroughly fed up. The laundry folding and sons sex life is just the two straws breaking the camels back.

If you can move out do so, you can leave a relationship for any reason you like, you don't owe your DP or his wayward son anything. I wouldn't want to live like this either because it's not that you are unheard or invisible but that there is no option to compromise, that's not a relationship, it's being dismissed as unreasonable, no wonder you've had to come and ask randoms on the internet for their input.

Trial a separation because you can't keep living like this where there is no compromise, no negotiating, and by the sounds of it, no help for you, just an expectation that you will do your stuff and more and that's that.

Well, they're not going to develop boundaries now, so you can leave or put up with it 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Stop being a skivvy too, while you're at it.

Ah makes sense. Quite a common situation. People are being very unfair telling you to dump him on the spot, easier said than done, clearly you love him. I do think you all need to talk it out. If they aren’t willing to talk it out then you maybe need some time apart to think this through. Dad too scared to parent and mom not really bothered, the boy isn’t really being given any guidance of what’s acceptable, no wonder he’s being disrespectful he is probably confused, not ideal for the gf either if he’s not being taught how to treat women respectfully, try and arrange a family talk.

Its a good job you have your own home- how long a tenancy do the current tenants have left?

Why would you bother seeing him at all?

It's a relationship going nowhere

What can you not do when she’s there? The loud sex would annoy me but I guess it depends how loud we’re talking. Screaming and moaning, no, but if the bed is a bit squeaky or something I’d probably just put headphones in and listen to something.

YADNBU OP.

The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.

Your partner is showing you where you are in his list of priorities and it's after him, his son and probably the son's GFs.

It's hard to see this changing any time soon. At 18 he's going to be around for at least few more years and will only become more of a spoilt emperor in that time. I wouldn't hang around for that.

If your place is rented out then presumably you have to give your tenant notice. Is there somewhere you can go in the meantime so you're not stuck in teen-shag-towers?

I’d say it’s reasonable your step son has his gf stay. The sex leave your dp to manage and maybe get earplugs. Don’t tidy your dps washing dump it on his side of bed.
If you and your dp are doing stuff together I can’t see why it matters if dss gf is at the house, unless you want to invite dss too? In which case nclude the gf? That way you can enjoy time with dss.

Nah, a night here or there would be fine but every fri-sun to taking the piss.

MN is the only place where it is totally fine for adult children to do whatever they want in their house and move in partners without any considerations.

Op, you're not asking for much. The problem is that your partner disagrees and it sounds like it is his house and his child and he doesn't think of you as an equal adult in the household. It is time for a come to jesus talk with partner and be prepared to move out. Quite honestly, I think a lot of adult relationships would work better if they didn't blend families nor moved on together. You can still date.

Have you asked to meet her? if it’s something you want to sort out you could plan to go out for a meal or a takeaway in where you can all have a talk as adults, if you are all going to be living together. I wouldn’t be happy about someone wondering round my house every weekend who I have never met. If you are awake enough to hear them at it every weekend then I would just appear before they go to their room -when you hear them arrive home and go and introduce myself. You’re not going to ‘win’ against his child if that was what you pictured, but it shouldn’t come to that. Curious, is there another parent involved, is this why the son stays with his dad because there’s been no boundaries, or is dad avoiding boundaries in case son moves back to other parent?

This

The best advice is for you to end the relationship and move out.

This was the son’s home before it was your home.

You aren’t the lad’s mother.

It his dad allows him to have girlfriends stay over then that’s that.

No point in being unhappy with a man who clearly has different boundaries to you.