Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

257 replies

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

OP posts:
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 18:57

BrillantBriony · 21/05/2025 17:45

If you’ve packed your bags and he hasn’t stepped up or started panicking about losing you, then this guy isn’t your man. All relationships get off track as the daily grind of life takes over, but you have to do something. You shout, you blame, you exchange hurtful thoughts, you laugh, and then you start talking and resolving.

Home should feel safe, warm, comfortable, and happy. Your home life sounds miserable, and that you work from home too! I can’t imagine how horrible that feels. Your energy seems nice, fair, and measured, and what you’re asking for is very reasonable.

The fact that his son has made no effort to introduce his girlfriend, have a conversation, sit down to eat supper with you is rude and odd, and that’s how your partner raised his son.

@BrillantBriony yes. If I point out it’s not normal behaviour, I’m the one with the problem/don’t like his son. Honestly, it’s draining to say the least. It wasn’t always like this but basically because I’ve called his son and him out on their poor behaviours, I’m the bad one. I’ve tried talking/shouting/getting us all to sit down but to no effect.

OP posts:
BrillantBriony · 21/05/2025 17:45

If you’ve packed your bags and he hasn’t stepped up or started panicking about losing you, then this guy isn’t your man. All relationships get off track as the daily grind of life takes over, but you have to do something. You shout, you blame, you exchange hurtful thoughts, you laugh, and then you start talking and resolving.

Home should feel safe, warm, comfortable, and happy. Your home life sounds miserable, and that you work from home too! I can’t imagine how horrible that feels. Your energy seems nice, fair, and measured, and what you’re asking for is very reasonable.

The fact that his son has made no effort to introduce his girlfriend, have a conversation, sit down to eat supper with you is rude and odd, and that’s how your partner raised his son.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/05/2025 17:16

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:13

@CowTown sorry if I’m being a bit dense but I don’t know what that means 🤣

Gave you a fairy tale promise of a future together that he had no intention or ability to fulfill.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/05/2025 17:13

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 09:06

@Platespace i have asked time and time for us to all sit down together and sort things out, but OH goes off and speaks to his son alone because the son “doesn’t like confrontation”. Sitting down and discussing issues isn’t confrontational. His behaviours are not what I’d expect of a son tbh, but then his dad has enabled it so I guess I shouldn’t worry that his dad does all the stuff for his son. But it affects our relationship. Which I’ve been trying to save. I’m not sure why now tbh with a lot of the helpful responses from all the lovely people on MN.

Your OH is not trying to save your relationship, though.

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:57

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:49

@MarkingBad I did give him a month, my bags are still packed but tbh as you say, he thinks I’m not going to do it.
I posted on here because I’ve invested in this relationship for 4.5 years and I wanted to be 100% sure that I wasn’t being unreasonable, I still don’t think I am for asking for one weekend where they stay at his mum’s/GF’S to give us some time for our relationship to get back to how it used to be and that I wouldn’t regret moving out. I’m not going to look back now. Thank you 😊 x

I know it's easy for us to say walk out etc and that in reality it's much harder to do.

I think you are right in giving it a timeframe, a month is reasonable. He's clearly unable to talk to his son in the right way. After all son is an adult but not capable of setting up a home elsewhere so if his dad pulled his socks up and told him to buck up, he'd have to, where else is son going to get the comforts of home.

However the problem here isn't mainly his son, it's your DP. He's the one causing the problems, he's the one not progressing your future together, he's the one reigning you in, in your home. You are so vulnerable because he could kick you out anytime so he's pretty sure you'll stay.

If you do have further leaving discussions I'd leave the son out of it and focus on what has gone wrong with DP and you, while you focus on his son, DP can continue to deflect and defend his lack of action. He can use his son as a distraction from his actions. He has less of a chance of that when he is the problem, which he is.

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:55

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 14:43

Ignore the son issue for now, have you got engaged, do you have a date set or has that not been discussed in recent months?

@MarkingBad no nothing.

OP posts:
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:49

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:44

If that's the case he's never going to change. At present he doesn't have to because you've tried giving him an ultimatum and he does nothing, and you didn't carry it out so he's calling it a bluff.

@MarkingBad I did give him a month, my bags are still packed but tbh as you say, he thinks I’m not going to do it.
I posted on here because I’ve invested in this relationship for 4.5 years and I wanted to be 100% sure that I wasn’t being unreasonable, I still don’t think I am for asking for one weekend where they stay at his mum’s/GF’S to give us some time for our relationship to get back to how it used to be and that I wouldn’t regret moving out. I’m not going to look back now. Thank you 😊 x

OP posts:
MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:44

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:40

@MeridianB i think you’ve nailed it accurately there.
I have said he love bombed me and now when I challenge him does the whole “he’s a victim routine”.

If that's the case he's never going to change. At present he doesn't have to because you've tried giving him an ultimatum and he does nothing, and you didn't carry it out so he's calling it a bluff.

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:41

CowTown · 21/05/2025 15:35

“I go to my BF’s house and there’s some lady there who pays half of the bills. She expects me to say hello when I enter the house and is offended by our loud shagging. AIBU?”

😆
That lady i don't talk to probably won't let my bf or me contribute towards the expenses and the tidying up either, how mean can you be!

Seriously, I'm a completely different generation I'd bust a gut to ask if I could help tidy mess I'd made or at least do the washing up or stack dishwasher if I ate there. I certainly wouldn't want his parents to hear sex noises.

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:40

MeridianB · 21/05/2025 15:21

That your DP love-bombed you and presented some amazing imaginary future together which he totally failed to deliver because he is not the real deal himself.

@MeridianB i think you’ve nailed it accurately there.
I have said he love bombed me and now when I challenge him does the whole “he’s a victim routine”.

OP posts:
CowTown · 21/05/2025 15:35

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:30

The sons gf doesn't pay household bills or do the wife work so no sons gf would not have a similar op at all

Edited

“I go to my BF’s house and there’s some lady there who pays half of the bills. She expects me to say hello when I enter the house and is offended by our loud shagging. AIBU?”

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:30

Jjenjjen83 · 21/05/2025 15:29

She could write a similar post saying "my partner's dad's girlfriend is always there"

The sons gf doesn't pay household bills or do the wife work so no sons gf would not have a similar op at all

Jjenjjen83 · 21/05/2025 15:29

She could write a similar post saying "my partner's dad's girlfriend is always there"

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 15:25

I'm not sure about future faking it sounds like an intentional act. In a lot of cases it may have been intended but then they get comfortable and want to keep the status quo.

It would really only be future faking if he is still making those promises but no progression is ever made or suggested from him

ArtTheClown · 21/05/2025 15:25

OP honestly this sounds like a hellish home life for you, and a hellish way to live.

I would leave, and then when looking for a new bloke, only consider those who are child free. Because fuck living like that.

MeridianB · 21/05/2025 15:21

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:13

@CowTown sorry if I’m being a bit dense but I don’t know what that means 🤣

That your DP love-bombed you and presented some amazing imaginary future together which he totally failed to deliver because he is not the real deal himself.

CowTown · 21/05/2025 15:18

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:13

@CowTown sorry if I’m being a bit dense but I don’t know what that means 🤣

Future Faking is when men make promises about the future that they don’t intend to follow through on. Promises of buying a house together, getting engaged, having babies, etc.

He could have been Future Faking the engagement.

MeridianB · 21/05/2025 15:18

Even if the son does go travelling he will be back. But that's not the point. Your DP has behaved so poorly there is nothing to stay for.

It's interesting the messages your partner is giving an 18yo man - you don't have to acknowledge or be polite to the woman I live with. I won't allow her to speak to you directly about any issues and will give you my own soft-focus version of anything she mentions so you don't have to be told anything by a woman.

He probably tells everyone his son is his best friend.

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:14

Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/05/2025 15:08

What's just it? Can you quote the posts, please? It's very frustrating 😂

@Bumblebeestiltskin sorry! I’ve only just figured out where “quote” is. Bear with me while I find the original response.

OP posts:
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 15:13

CowTown · 21/05/2025 14:57

I think it’s been Future Faking.

@CowTown sorry if I’m being a bit dense but I don’t know what that means 🤣

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/05/2025 15:08

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 13:29

@ForAquaMember that's just it. I’m moaning if I bring anything up. My son would have to ask me for anyone to stay not just waltz in with them, week in week out.
it’s about respect and they have none.

What's just it? Can you quote the posts, please? It's very frustrating 😂

Dinoswearunderpants · 21/05/2025 15:00

Sadly his house, his rules.

Do you contribute to the household? Is it 50/50? If so, then you should have some say.

Could you book into a hotel some weekends for a break?

CowTown · 21/05/2025 14:57

I think it’s been Future Faking.

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 14:43

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 14:41

@MarkingBad he’d said he wanted to marry me. I moved in and everything was fine for a while. Not so much now. The son just does what he wants with no regard to anyone. He doesn’t even ask if anyone can stay, he just brings them home.

Ignore the son issue for now, have you got engaged, do you have a date set or has that not been discussed in recent months?

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 14:41

@MarkingBad he’d said he wanted to marry me. I moved in and everything was fine for a while. Not so much now. The son just does what he wants with no regard to anyone. He doesn’t even ask if anyone can stay, he just brings them home.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread