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My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

257 replies

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

OP posts:
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momtoboys · 17/06/2025 21:38

So glad to hear this update! You are very strong. We're here to prop you up if needed.

Pickingdates · 16/06/2025 18:59

Delighted to read this.
We are rooting for you.

grumpygrape · 16/06/2025 18:58

ThatKindStork · 16/06/2025 18:32

@Pickingdates I’m planning my move whilst seeming normal. Thank you for asking 💜

Thanks for the update OP.

My very best wishes to you. Please do update if you feel able. You have a fan group rooting for you !

ThatKindStork · 16/06/2025 18:32

Pickingdates · 16/06/2025 14:02

How are things going OP?

@Pickingdates I’m planning my move whilst seeming normal. Thank you for asking 💜

OP posts:
Pickingdates · 16/06/2025 14:02

How are things going OP?

ThatKindStork · 16/06/2025 10:59

DwarfBeans · 21/05/2025 22:48

Where does your son live OP?

@DwarfBeans sorry I thought I had replied to you. He lives with his dad, with us.

OP posts:
Braygirlnow · 26/05/2025 19:05

ThatKindStork · 26/05/2025 17:57

@Braygirlnow yes I totally agree but if I say anything, I’ve got the problem. I’ve just found out today that he didn’t even write my name in his son’s 18th birthday card!!! Kind of says it all even more now doesn’t it
All the lovely advice I’ve been given has helped me put my exit in motion. I deserve so much more than this.

Best of luck, take your time, make sure you're set up before telling him you're leaving. Iv had to do this myself with 3 young children in tow, so I know it's not easy, but if you know you know, he doesn't give you the love and respect he should then don't wast anymore time, good men are out there , I met my new husband at age 52 when I thought I'd never want to be with another man! And what man would want me?...but we are so happy 9 yrs together and every day I feel loved...Good luck OP, your worth more than he is willing to give...his lose.

ThatKindStork · 26/05/2025 17:57

Braygirlnow · 26/05/2025 17:39

I think your partner is "lazy parenting" he knows his son will kick off if he introduces rules so he won't. That son want move out for a very long time, why would he? He can come and go as he pleases with whoever he pleases.,Food and board, washing done bills payed. I know it's not easy but you will need to decide, can you live with this going forward or would you rather be on your own?

@Braygirlnow yes I totally agree but if I say anything, I’ve got the problem. I’ve just found out today that he didn’t even write my name in his son’s 18th birthday card!!! Kind of says it all even more now doesn’t it
All the lovely advice I’ve been given has helped me put my exit in motion. I deserve so much more than this.

OP posts:
Braygirlnow · 26/05/2025 17:39

AlphaApple · 20/05/2025 20:26

YANBU but your partner will obviously do nothing. Time to move on from this relationship.

I think your partner is "lazy parenting" he knows his son will kick off if he introduces rules so he won't. That son want move out for a very long time, why would he? He can come and go as he pleases with whoever he pleases.,Food and board, washing done bills payed. I know it's not easy but you will need to decide, can you live with this going forward or would you rather be on your own?

ThatKindStork · 23/05/2025 16:08

TheGrimSmile · 20/05/2025 17:00

Also, why are you doing his laundry? Let him do his own! (Dad's I mean)

@TheGrimSmile because he tidies up after him, puts his dishes in the dishwasher all while the son does nothing. Obviously his dad had enabled this situation and now can’t do anything about it because “he’s scared he’ll lose his son”. As I said to him, “but you’re ok losing your partner?”

OP posts:
ThatKindStork · 23/05/2025 16:03

ForAquaMember · 20/05/2025 16:19

Also sorry want to know how long you and partner have been together too!

@ForAquaMember 4.5 years.

OP posts:
DwarfBeans · 22/05/2025 18:33

@ThatKindStork an exciting future awaits you. Move in with dad (he’ll probably love it) while you sort things out then prioritise yourself. Your DP is totally in the wrong for not ensuring all members of the home feel considered. It’s not going to get better. Free yourself! Flowers

MarkingBad · 22/05/2025 17:34

DeSoleil · 22/05/2025 15:09

I’d be calling the field wines by a previous girlfriend’s name, making jokes about the sex noises, “I nearly called the police last night, I thought he was murdering you!’ Invading their space to make inane chit chat. Ask to go out with them as you feel like letting your hair down.

Which would amuse me for one weekend and then I would just move out and get a place of my own and leave them all to it.

I have thought throughout this thread that I'd wait until they were being noisy and make the most unholy performative sex noises imaginable outside the bedroom door several times over the weekend.

Wouldn't solve anything but I'd probably get a short term kick out of getting my own back

DeSoleil · 22/05/2025 15:09

I’d be calling the new girlfriend ^

DeSoleil · 22/05/2025 15:09

I’d be calling the field wines by a previous girlfriend’s name, making jokes about the sex noises, “I nearly called the police last night, I thought he was murdering you!’ Invading their space to make inane chit chat. Ask to go out with them as you feel like letting your hair down.

Which would amuse me for one weekend and then I would just move out and get a place of my own and leave them all to it.

Pickingdates · 22/05/2025 14:35

He's been crystal clear that you dont matter but definitely are useful for paying bills.

Stop being used OP. You deserve better.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/05/2025 13:56

I think it would be better to stay with Dad for a while, and use storage for say a month.

This may or may not give him the wake up call he needs.

Tho I feel he won't be that bothered.

ThatKindStork · 22/05/2025 13:42

EuclidianGeometryFan · 22/05/2025 13:27

Can you afford to rent a bedsit or room in a shared house until your own property is vacant?
Move out ASAP. You don't have to end the relationship, just say you need more time and space to yourself.

But don't be surprised if the relationship fizzles out or he ends it when he finds someone else - because what he actually wants is a woman living with him to help financially, do the housework, and give him regular sex. By moving out, you are not fulfilling what he wants.

@EuclidianGeometryFan please ignore predictive text changing my words. I typed rats living with them.
I can stay with my dad and put my stuff in storage.
Yes you’re right and the longer I stay here my needs aren’t being met. Thank you x

OP posts:
EuclidianGeometryFan · 22/05/2025 13:27

ThatKindStork · 22/05/2025 12:22

@ByQuaintAzureWasp that’s a great idea! 🤣😂 There would rates living with them within a week.
I do have my place but I rented it out when I moved in. So, lots to sort out

Can you afford to rent a bedsit or room in a shared house until your own property is vacant?
Move out ASAP. You don't have to end the relationship, just say you need more time and space to yourself.

But don't be surprised if the relationship fizzles out or he ends it when he finds someone else - because what he actually wants is a woman living with him to help financially, do the housework, and give him regular sex. By moving out, you are not fulfilling what he wants.

ThatKindStork · 22/05/2025 12:22

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/05/2025 11:20

I think you should get your own house so partner can come to you so you can have couple time. Leave them to do all their own cleaning etc.

@ByQuaintAzureWasp that’s a great idea! 🤣😂 There would rates living with them within a week.
I do have my place but I rented it out when I moved in. So, lots to sort out

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/05/2025 11:20

I think you should get your own house so partner can come to you so you can have couple time. Leave them to do all their own cleaning etc.

midlandsmummy123 · 22/05/2025 00:06

With respect OP your partner has made his position clear and rightly or wrongly he is prioritising his son's relationship over yours, it seems like the writing is on the wall - he doesn't believe you will leave over this.

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 23:57

DwarfBeans · 21/05/2025 22:48

Where does your son live OP?

@DwarfBeans with his dad as it’s nearer his uni

OP posts:
DwarfBeans · 21/05/2025 22:50

Definitely worth moving in with your dad for a while. Serving notice on your tenants can wait for a bit surely until you know what’s going to happen.

DwarfBeans · 21/05/2025 22:48

Where does your son live OP?