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Original poster

In-laws going back on holiday cost

143 replies

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 15:54

I’m pretty wound up so I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable!

We were invited to my MIL 60th weekend away camping. We are not campers, we don’t do it because we don’t enjoy it but my husband really wanted to do it as obviously it was a special occasion and quite a few other family members were going so he didn’t want us to be the only ones not doing it. FIL knows full well we would have no camping equipment etc but had said he was paying for the pitches for every one which was £120 for 3 nights which I thought was fair enough and then we could decide whether we would buy the tent, sleeping bags etc or hire a bell tent that comes with everything. We decided to do the bell tent for £410 - expensive but not really too much more than buying a tent and everything else needed for 2 adults and 2 kids considering we’d likely never use it again. Plus we wouldn’t need to pack up the car too much and it would generally make life easier, we thought it was worth it

now FIL is asking for the money for the pitch, I know it’s not a huge amount compared to what we paid for the bell tent but it’s the principal. They are extremely comfortable money wise so I can’t understand why they’re asking for it. I don’t know if it stings so much because my husband refuses to question him about it for fear of causing a row, or if it’s because my parents spring for a weekend away every year for us all because they love to have everyone together and spend time with their grandchildren (we offer money everytime and are refused, but we will pay for a meal out for them while we’re away) My husbands attitude was ‘well we get one free weekend a year so it’s not so bad having to pay for this one’ I was livid when he said that

So a 3 day weekend camping, which we would never usually choose to do is now going to cost us upwards of £700 if not more once you take food and drink and activities into account and I’m feeling pretty bitter about it all 😂

OP posts:
SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:11

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:09

That’s what got my back up, they way he said it really pissed me off

Show quote history

What was the “way” did he say it? on the face of it he just said that not so bad for £120 and he’ll pay as he’s find it tricky to raise

clearly not remotely close family like you and yours. So accept that he and his father will have a different less open relationship

LakieLady · 20/05/2025 18:10

Bloody hell, you could have bought a tent outright for half the cost of hiring one, OP, got a couple of cheapo inflatable mattresses and taken bedding from home.

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:09

HiRen · 20/05/2025 17:40

I too would be livid if my DH intimated that it’s okay for my parents to subsidize his parents’ selfish and ridiculous birthday plans. It would add insult to injury that it’s fucking CAMPING (as a non-camper, too).

That’s what got my back up, they way he said it really pissed me off

OP posts:
Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:05

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 17:51

I was livid when he said that

so big argument? How’s it been left?
seems a shame that if your husband is ok with it and is looking forward to spending time with family he doesn’t see very often… to create a big hoo-hah over it

Nope, no argument, I’m not that heartless - I came here to vent instead! See my previous replies to other posts, I am trying to be reasonable 🙂

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 20/05/2025 18:01

Wild horses couldn't make me camp with 6 other families and pay £700 for the privilege! For that money you could get a decent hotel.

I'd suddenly become ill the day before you're due to leave!

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 17:51

I was livid when he said that

so big argument? How’s it been left?
seems a shame that if your husband is ok with it and is looking forward to spending time with family he doesn’t see very often… to create a big hoo-hah over it

CapitalAtRisk · 20/05/2025 17:50

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:02

its possible that my husband got the wrong end of the stick and when FIL said he’d pay for the pitches he meant it as he would do it all in one go and then each family pay him back the cost. I’ll check with my SIL and see what they’ve been told. I think I’m just begrudging paying such a lot of money for one weekend of camping but it is for MIL’s 60th so that’s what I need to remember. It’s not their fault that we don’t have all the gear which has been what has added to the expense. What’s wrong with hiring a big air bnb for everyone hey?!

That is a good attitude, OP. Suck it up, remember what it's for, and enjoy it.

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 17:49

Muffinmam · 20/05/2025 16:45

Pay it and never go on holiday with them again.

Heavens! Bit… mumsnetty-dramatic

TENSsion · 20/05/2025 17:46

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:36

Someone also mentioned the gift - yes we have also done that and gone in with SIL to buy a gift voucher type thing they can put towards flights so they can go on city break somewhere 🙃

Oh 😬

Miyagi99 · 20/05/2025 17:45

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 16:02

Sorry, that wasn’t clear - £120 is our share for the pitch. I know it’s not a lot, it’s just the principal of him asking for it after he said he’d pay it and knowing that we don’t have any camping stuff so we were already going to have to pay up more than other people just to be there. I do think you’re right about the fact I don’t really want to go though 😂 maybe I need to suck it up and not be THAT daughter in law!

Show quote history

Do you need to pay for a pitch, it’s usually included with the bell tent?

HiRen · 20/05/2025 17:40

I too would be livid if my DH intimated that it’s okay for my parents to subsidize his parents’ selfish and ridiculous birthday plans. It would add insult to injury that it’s fucking CAMPING (as a non-camper, too).

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/05/2025 17:36

So your DH is lacking in the balls department, and you are having to fork out £700+ for camping. Fuck. That.

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:36

Someone also mentioned the gift - yes we have also done that and gone in with SIL to buy a gift voucher type thing they can put towards flights so they can go on city break somewhere 🙃

OP posts:
ISpyNoPlumPie · 20/05/2025 17:36

When my husband won’t have a grown up conversation with his parents, that’s (sometimes) my cue to also act like I’m not a grown up either. If he won’t even ask about the pitch fees, then I would tell him we clearly aren’t struggling over £700, so I’ll be going away the weekend after on my own and spending £700 on myself. I know, I know, it’s family money, and I don’t want to punish our kids as well but I would ask my parents in the same situation. DH needs to grow up OP.

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:32

PencilPleat · 20/05/2025 17:24

I totally understand your frustration OP.

FWIW I'm a MIL and there's no way I would suggest something that would incur such a lot of expense for my family - especially if it was something they don't even enjoy doing.

For my 60th we took everyone out for a meal and for OH's we booked a big house and all went away for the weekend. We're not wealthy but we covered all the costs, I wouldn't have dreamt of asking our children and their partners to pay.

This is what my family are like as well so I don’t think that helps with the way I’m feeling about it either

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 20/05/2025 17:29

Definitelyrandom · 20/05/2025 17:00

You might as well have paid £100 for a 4 person tent from decathlon and mucked in for 3 nights. At least it would have been cheaper and you'd have had a tent at the end of it.

Edited

You'd need more than the cheapest tent Decathlon do for 4 people.. be serious.

To get enough kit for the very very basics:

SLeeping bags each
Sleeping mats each
Basic plate and bowl each (cutlery from home)
Table
Campingaz stove and kettle (to make own brew at a time that suits them)
Chairs
Cool bag

You're looking at over £300.

To do it without that you're then banking on everyone else being happy to lend food storage, cooking facilities, chairs, tables, and if most are in vans, they're unlikely to be offering these at a time that suits another family.

£400 ish for a really comfy tent with actual beds and everything you need to be properly comfortable, rather than slumming it on the tightest possible budget is extremely cheap!

blubberyboo · 20/05/2025 17:27

I think you need to just suck it up on this occasion and at least you can refuse future camping on the grounds of expense and you not wanting to pay to hire again.

Also by paying for your own pitch there is no danger of them being able to act as if you owe them if you decide to do your own thing a night

PencilPleat · 20/05/2025 17:24

I totally understand your frustration OP.

FWIW I'm a MIL and there's no way I would suggest something that would incur such a lot of expense for my family - especially if it was something they don't even enjoy doing.

For my 60th we took everyone out for a meal and for OH's we booked a big house and all went away for the weekend. We're not wealthy but we covered all the costs, I wouldn't have dreamt of asking our children and their partners to pay.

Berryslacks · 20/05/2025 17:23

Sorry @Topazbear no useful advice but just to say I sympathise completely with you. I would rather have a red hot poker up the bum than go camping 😂. I detest it! I totally agree with @MyLittleNest It was very inconsiderate especially if the IL’s know you haven’t got camping gear? What’s wrong with a nice celebratory meal somewhere? I would be furious at spending £700 on this.

MyLittleNest · 20/05/2025 17:21

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:12

See, this was my initial response to it all - I do understand that they like to camp, and it’s her birthday but it’s a lot to ask. Although, the rest do have vans and tents so it was just us without so it was very much a case of if we don’t stump up we’ll be the only ones not going. I’m and I would never expect plans to change just for us. Just one of those things I think I’m going to have to swallow on this occasion

Show quote history

It takes a lot of nerve to put other people out for one's own birthday. She is a grown woman who is expecting a lot of fanfare. I'm not a grandmother, but when I am, I would never want my adult children to spend that kind of money to accommodate my birthday plans when it could be used toward my grandkids. Even if money isn't an object, it's just so selfish. I also can't imagine forcing my family members to take a camping holiday if they weren't campers--that alone is a price (non-monetary) she is asking you to pay. Not to mention the time...

Definitelyrandom · 20/05/2025 17:21

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:07

We did think about that but we honestly just wouldn’t have used it again and the faff of every we’d need to bring with us in the car - the bell tent comes with a double bed, 2 singles, all bedding, gas stove, utensils, table and chairs, and outside cover thing etc etc - I figured we may as well be comfortable doing it and keep everyone in a good mood - especially if others were turning up in fancy vans 😂

Show quote history

Fair - we wouldn't have dreamed of going on a camping holiday when our DSs were children - but one of them did DofE, so needed camping stuff, and as adults they go off once a year together for a few days hiking and camping. So you never know!

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:12

MyLittleNest · 20/05/2025 17:03

Your in-laws are pretty inconsiderate, OP. I understand this is a big birthday, but it's pretty selfish to except others to fork out £700 plus food and drinks (and a gift, I imagine) because they like to go camping. I can't even imagine asking any of my friends or family members to do this, much less invest in equipment that I know they will never use again. Your FIL asking for you to chip in even more is petty and thoughtless. They really aren't giving any consideration to you at all, they are simply thinking, MIL likes to camp, we have all this equipment, that's what we'll do. Absolutely no thought at all to anyone else. Very, very self-absorbed.

It would have been more appropriate to simply do a nice dinner. If they were hell bent on camping, they should have offered to pay for everything, imo.

Personally, I'd have a migraine that weekend and let DH take the kids.

See, this was my initial response to it all - I do understand that they like to camp, and it’s her birthday but it’s a lot to ask. Although, the rest do have vans and tents so it was just us without so it was very much a case of if we don’t stump up we’ll be the only ones not going. I’m and I would never expect plans to change just for us. Just one of those things I think I’m going to have to swallow on this occasion

OP posts:
Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 17:07

Definitelyrandom · 20/05/2025 17:00

You might as well have paid £100 for a 4 person tent from decathlon and mucked in for 3 nights. At least it would have been cheaper and you'd have had a tent at the end of it.

Edited

We did think about that but we honestly just wouldn’t have used it again and the faff of every we’d need to bring with us in the car - the bell tent comes with a double bed, 2 singles, all bedding, gas stove, utensils, table and chairs, and outside cover thing etc etc - I figured we may as well be comfortable doing it and keep everyone in a good mood - especially if others were turning up in fancy vans 😂

OP posts:
MyLittleNest · 20/05/2025 17:03

Your in-laws are pretty inconsiderate, OP. I understand this is a big birthday, but it's pretty selfish to except others to fork out £700 plus food and drinks (and a gift, I imagine) because they like to go camping. I can't even imagine asking any of my friends or family members to do this, much less invest in equipment that I know they will never use again. Your FIL asking for you to chip in even more is petty and thoughtless. They really aren't giving any consideration to you at all, they are simply thinking, MIL likes to camp, we have all this equipment, that's what we'll do. Absolutely no thought at all to anyone else. Very, very self-absorbed.

It would have been more appropriate to simply do a nice dinner. If they were hell bent on camping, they should have offered to pay for everything, imo.

Personally, I'd have a migraine that weekend and let DH take the kids.

TheHerboriste · 20/05/2025 17:03

Let your husband take the kids & enjoy a weekend to yourself. It sounds like a nightmare.