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Original poster

In-laws going back on holiday cost

143 replies

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 15:54

I’m pretty wound up so I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable!

We were invited to my MIL 60th weekend away camping. We are not campers, we don’t do it because we don’t enjoy it but my husband really wanted to do it as obviously it was a special occasion and quite a few other family members were going so he didn’t want us to be the only ones not doing it. FIL knows full well we would have no camping equipment etc but had said he was paying for the pitches for every one which was £120 for 3 nights which I thought was fair enough and then we could decide whether we would buy the tent, sleeping bags etc or hire a bell tent that comes with everything. We decided to do the bell tent for £410 - expensive but not really too much more than buying a tent and everything else needed for 2 adults and 2 kids considering we’d likely never use it again. Plus we wouldn’t need to pack up the car too much and it would generally make life easier, we thought it was worth it

now FIL is asking for the money for the pitch, I know it’s not a huge amount compared to what we paid for the bell tent but it’s the principal. They are extremely comfortable money wise so I can’t understand why they’re asking for it. I don’t know if it stings so much because my husband refuses to question him about it for fear of causing a row, or if it’s because my parents spring for a weekend away every year for us all because they love to have everyone together and spend time with their grandchildren (we offer money everytime and are refused, but we will pay for a meal out for them while we’re away) My husbands attitude was ‘well we get one free weekend a year so it’s not so bad having to pay for this one’ I was livid when he said that

So a 3 day weekend camping, which we would never usually choose to do is now going to cost us upwards of £700 if not more once you take food and drink and activities into account and I’m feeling pretty bitter about it all 😂

OP posts:
GardenGaff · 20/05/2025 18:42

Just wanted to say that we’ve done the ‘hire a bell tent’ thing and it was worth every penny if you’re sure this will be a one off camping trip never to be repeated. In our case we’d easily spend more than the cost of the bell tent hire to buy a basic tent, bedding, chairs, etc for 2 adults and a couple of kids. Our bell tent even had a wood burner in it.

Maybe they’re peeved that you’ll steal MIL’s thunder - almost everyone on the campsite we stayed stopped and wanted to have a look inside the tent (the hire company left a little advertising board outside the tent) - it was really fancy with a proper double bed. It may end up as the focal point of the trip.

And yeah I’d be pissed off at your DH, happy to have a weekend away on your parents dime, but won’t say boo to a goose when it comes to his own parents reneging on an arrangement. Make sure you get lots downtime chilling with a good book and a bottle of wine while he entertains the children on this trip!

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:41

He said his dad would be paying for the pitch

I reckon his dad never said this
I think you dh said this to you to try and convince you do this because you didn’t want to

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:40

So fil has never behaved like this before
and dh rarely gets together with family
and it’s DH’s mum’s 60th

I can totally understand him not wanting to raise with his dad.

seems to me better to assume he’s genuinely forgotten given you say he’s never done anything like this before

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:40

JIMER202 · 20/05/2025 18:25

This sounds really shitty. I also don’t like to camp so would be irritated he’s basically tricked you into paying more for a shit camping trip. I’d also be pissed off they are in a camper van and you’re in a tent. I’d also be irritated with the comment about the free weekend your parents generously give.

you have a DH issue! Mine would have said no sorry camping doesn’t work for us, let’s do xyz at a different time or we will come for the activities and sleep in a hotel. No way would we be camping if even one of us didn’t want to! And if I asked my sons do you want to camp I’d expect them to say if they didn’t! Your husband is irritating.

This has been in the works for ages, we booked the bell tent a while ago - we talked about it a lot first and DH said he knows that we don’t like camping but he’d really like to go so I agreed because we do an awful lot with my family and I know he feels bad that his parents don’t reciprocate. He said his dad would be paying for the pitch so we could decide what to do about the rest and we agreed on bell tent - bit more expensive but worth it for a decent weekend. He got emailed today by his dad a bill for the pitch along with his bank details - hence my coming on here today to vent. I needed to know if I was being unreasonable before going in and having a proper conversation with DH about it 🙂

OP posts:
katepilar · 20/05/2025 18:39

Is it one huge pitch he has hired? I would have thought that multiple families need multiple pitches in which case I think you should be able to cancel the one spare pitch if you are staying elsewhere in a bell tent?

DuckBee · 20/05/2025 18:36

Wow our favourite tent was £35 from Asda. Our huge fancy decathlon one is a bit of a faff.

user3879208717 · 20/05/2025 18:35

I’m also agog at £700 for 3 nights camping! Probably too late now but I’d rather get a nearby hotel/b and b and clear off to a proper bed in the evening.

CapitalAtRisk · 20/05/2025 18:35

Definitely one for a grumble with your DH, OP, not a big "on principle" biggie.

MmeChoufleur · 20/05/2025 18:34

cestlavielife · 20/05/2025 16:11

If you paying belltent with its pitch then say so?
700 for 3 nights for a family is not cheap cheap but not so bad

I think it’s extortionate. You could get a family room in a hotel or a airbnb apartment cheaper than that!

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:32

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:26

So does he have form for this behaviour over the years you’ve known him? Making financial promises and then reneging?

Show quote history

No, this is the first time they’ve done something like this so I’ve nothing to compare it to. Look, I get it - it’s not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, I’ve said from the beginning it’s the principle of it. They know we have no camping stuff so the cost of this trip was going to be expensive for us from the get go, my husband obviously doesn’t want to be the only family member not going to his own mothers 60th bday. He’s def lacking in the ball dept for not bringing it up but he’s doesn’t really hold them to account for anything. They’re not short of money in the slightest - inviting people to a bday event and expecting them to pay for all of it is a bit of a cheek IMO. I wouldn’t expect them to pay for it all but at least the pitch was something

OP posts:
JIMER202 · 20/05/2025 18:31

ViaRia01 · 20/05/2025 18:29

I’mdoes he dislike “poshness”? My first thought was that he thinks you’re acting too posh and so if you can pay for a fancy tent while everyone else slums it then you can pay for your own bloody pitch fee! Well, I don’t agree with him necessarily but I just wonder if that’s what it’s all about for him. I think it’s just something that needs to be talked through…

The fancy tent part probably has got their back up but they can fuck all the way off with that. They aren’t even bloody camping in a tent. I think you’re right tho that OP booking the tent has pissed him off so now he’s saying fine you pay your own pitching fee. OP if you discover everyone else is having their fees paid I’d cancel.

NeedABoat · 20/05/2025 18:31

pinkyredrose · 20/05/2025 18:01

Wild horses couldn't make me camp with 6 other families and pay £700 for the privilege! For that money you could get a decent hotel.

I'd suddenly become ill the day before you're due to leave!

This! OP, any chance of a refund for the bell tent and pitch? I'd book a nice hotel instead and just turn up for some of the activities.

JIMER202 · 20/05/2025 18:30

You don’t tell your husband when you’re upset. That is truly awful. There’s no way I could deal with just holding all this in. Is it too late to just cancel and do something else with MIl for her birthday (just you all, not suggesting their change their plans) or why can’t you stay in a local b&b and meet up in the day? No way I fuck would I spending this much on a shite camping trip. They aren’t fun. And technically they aren’t even blooding camping! They are in a VW FFS.

ViaRia01 · 20/05/2025 18:29

I’mdoes he dislike “poshness”? My first thought was that he thinks you’re acting too posh and so if you can pay for a fancy tent while everyone else slums it then you can pay for your own bloody pitch fee! Well, I don’t agree with him necessarily but I just wonder if that’s what it’s all about for him. I think it’s just something that needs to be talked through…

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:26

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:20

Has your FIL, in all the years you have known him, done something like this or similar? Is he generally a tight ass? Prone to throwing out promises and then back tracking?

So does he have form for this behaviour over the years you’ve known him? Making financial promises and then reneging?

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:26

KarolKickie · 20/05/2025 18:17

On a side note camping is quite hideous. Take earplugs, and battery packs for phone. Lean on PILs van and hang out there as much as you can. Ignore hints and grow a thick skin. Send the kids over to them early doors and say ‘wow camping is so great’ !

see if you can be £120 worth annoying as a fun game to keep you sane

maybe also piss off to the pub for a couple hours, leaving the kids with the PILs

Good plan 😂

OP posts:
JIMER202 · 20/05/2025 18:25

This sounds really shitty. I also don’t like to camp so would be irritated he’s basically tricked you into paying more for a shit camping trip. I’d also be pissed off they are in a camper van and you’re in a tent. I’d also be irritated with the comment about the free weekend your parents generously give.

you have a DH issue! Mine would have said no sorry camping doesn’t work for us, let’s do xyz at a different time or we will come for the activities and sleep in a hotel. No way would we be camping if even one of us didn’t want to! And if I asked my sons do you want to camp I’d expect them to say if they didn’t! Your husband is irritating.

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:23

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:12

So you were livid
and your husband has no idea?
I can’t imagine what your face would have looked like…. Purple?!

Show quote history

Yep, pretty much! i can feel something without having to lose it - I did voice my opinion but we didn’t argue. He often will say ‘that’s just the way they are’.

OP posts:
SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:20

Has your FIL, in all the years you have known him, done something like this or similar? Is he generally a tight ass? Prone to throwing out promises and then back tracking?

BIossomtoes · 20/05/2025 18:18

What’s wrong with hiring a big air bnb for everyone hey?!

That would literally cost thousands in the summer months. We’re doing it for my bloke’s 70th and we won’t see much change from £5k.

KarolKickie · 20/05/2025 18:17

On a side note camping is quite hideous. Take earplugs, and battery packs for phone. Lean on PILs van and hang out there as much as you can. Ignore hints and grow a thick skin. Send the kids over to them early doors and say ‘wow camping is so great’ !

see if you can be £120 worth annoying as a fun game to keep you sane

maybe also piss off to the pub for a couple hours, leaving the kids with the PILs

Original poster
Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:15

LakieLady · 20/05/2025 18:10

Bloody hell, you could have bought a tent outright for half the cost of hiring one, OP, got a couple of cheapo inflatable mattresses and taken bedding from home.

The bell tent hire was £410 - we figured a tent big enough for all 4 of us, plus blow up beds, chairs etc this was worth the price. The bell tent comes with literallly everything included - stove, gas, table and chairs bedding etc. We are not campers (even my husband hates it) and we’d never use it again. The £700 figure is coming from the additional £120 for the pitch plus food, drinks activities for the rest of the weekend which would have been spent anyway - my original point was that FIL had offered to pay the pitch cost for everyone which we really appreciated as he knows we have no camping gear so it was already going to be expensive for us

OP posts:
TENSsion · 20/05/2025 18:13

LakieLady · 20/05/2025 18:10

Bloody hell, you could have bought a tent outright for half the cost of hiring one, OP, got a couple of cheapo inflatable mattresses and taken bedding from home.

But they have no intention of going camping ever again so the choice was between going camping once and having a luxury experience or going camping once, with budget equipment, and then having to store that budget equipment for the next twenty years.

CantStopMoving · 20/05/2025 18:12

PencilPleat · 20/05/2025 17:24

I totally understand your frustration OP.

FWIW I'm a MIL and there's no way I would suggest something that would incur such a lot of expense for my family - especially if it was something they don't even enjoy doing.

For my 60th we took everyone out for a meal and for OH's we booked a big house and all went away for the weekend. We're not wealthy but we covered all the costs, I wouldn't have dreamt of asking our children and their partners to pay.

That is what parents did. They wanted all the family together for a big birthday so they paid for all the accommodation for everyone and we had to all pay towards the food.

seems odd to have a big birthday holiday and expect everyone to pay their own accommodation when it is essentially a compulsory trip!

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 18:12

Topazbear · 20/05/2025 18:05

Nope, no argument, I’m not that heartless - I came here to vent instead! See my previous replies to other posts, I am trying to be reasonable 🙂

Edited
Show quote history

So you were livid
and your husband has no idea?
I can’t imagine what your face would have looked like…. Purple?!