DH has left us on MH grounds

The OP mentions rent, so maybe doesn’t own the house which actually would make things easier. Is he on the tenancy OP?

I have every sympathy for mental health disorders, but this is not someone who simply has a mental health disorder, it’s someone who is opting out of any kind of family life or responsibility. And not for a short time, for years without seeking help (presumably?).

You’re a single parent now OP. It will be a hard adjustment with routine etc but you will adapt quickly.

Change the locks, pack up his stuff, and get legal advice asap on where you stand with the house.

I bet he isn't getting any treatment for his "mental health issues".

Get those locks changed.

Pack his stuff up and make your home nice and pleasant for you and the children. This is an opportunity for a new life with none of his weird energy in your home.

You don’t need him, you’ll see.

I'm sympathetic to mental health troubles, but you cannot simply opt out of parenting or make no effort to get better when you have a family. It doesn't sound as though he's got any interest in trying to manage his health and you're his life partner, not his mum. It's ultimately his responsibility to try to manage his condition and if he won't, then you need to ensure he doesn't take the rest of you down with him.

Very important to get the legal advice about a possible claim on the house before deciding what to do next, but honestly if he was mine I'd not be letting him back in, he sounds like a great big mummy's boy and it's all about him. I hope you'll soon start feeling a lot happier and secure without him there.

Lucky escape, op.

Unfortunately if they are married this makes no difference. However it is good evidence that she may not need to buy him out in a short marriage where he contributes little.

Is he having treatment for his MH? If not, why not?

It sounds like he's always had one foot half out of everything by refusing to make any financial commitments. Although that's certainly worked to your favour now.

As others have said he has done you a massive favour by leaving. Having poor MH is no excuse to not be a parent/husband. Seek legal advice and don't have him back. You are more than capable of doing this on your own.

I would be thinking about getting a lodger in to use his former room, income to cover the bills and another , sane , adult in the house. I think it will lead to a calmer and more relaxing atmosphere for you and the child.

He may have mh issues. But, separately, he is a terrible husband.

Ltb and raise your son in your house. You don't need him and I imagine that your life will be easier.

When he's ready he'll come back around banging on about his 'rights', I'm sure.

Weekend visits every second week, is what I'd advise once he decides he wants to be a dad xx

Change the locks, drop the rope ... he has left and with a bit of luck he won't come back or if he does, you will be strong enough not to engage with him.

Tell him it's over (after first consulting a solicitor re a divorce). He sounds like a complete drain on you.

So he’s refused to make himself an equal partner in your relationship the whole time you’ve lived together and is too drained to be even a weekend dad because it’s too much pressure because he’d rather sit and pontificate about every ache and pain. But he’s not so drained he can’t do his hobbies and meet friends.

That’s not an unwell man, that’s a lazy, uninterested man.

Might* have. The legal advice will uncover if he has.

I'm drained just reading this. What about the impact of his behaviour on your MH? You have the patience of a saint. Imo: for the sake of your boy and you, get those locks changed and get legal advice.

Change the locks and divorce. I promise you, this is no life. Set yourself free and your sweet child free from this. He has left, it was his choice. Make it permanent. Take time to heal and build your life and your child’s life into whatever you want.

What everyone else said. Sympathies, OP. You’ve been dealing with a lot. But I bet as soon as you’re over the shock, you will realise the burden of someone deeply selfish, taking no responsibility for managing his MH, and making any effort to share the load of parenting and household work, has been lifted. I’d change the locks.

If we are charitable about his behaviour, he is suffering from a mental health problem which has completely overwhelmed him. On the other hand he has used his male privilege to exit your relationship to deal with his health problem. Something you do not have the latitude to do. Change the locks. Submit a claim for child support. I think he has checked out of the relationship and it doesn’t sound as if he was particularly committed in the first place. He’s acting like you’re his mum not his wife and when things got tough he ran straight home to MUM. That’s not the sort of behaviour you want in your life.

get some legal advice because if you're married to him, he will have a financial claim
on the house

he is a proper drain isnt he - you will find yourself coping better without another child to deal wtih too - trust me

let him go, go full time and divorce him

I‘m so sorry he can’t show up for you.

I think you’re better off without him as a dependent on you and your child’s lives.

It’s still your home, right? You haven’t put him on the mortgage or title deeds?

Good-o.

I doubt this is classed as a long marriage, with your child needing a home and him walking out I'd expect you to have a very strong claim on the entire house, also he's paid the bills not the mortgage. I'd get rid, it's no life for you or your child.