To be a bit frustrated with my mum?

I only do amazon links with my Dad as he lives rurally and is unlikely to do any research on anything else. It's quite expensive probably as neither of us has Amazon Prime. But we have a set annual gift budget that we both follow.

With DM she is very likely to go off piste so she gives me cash.

If she has form I’d do the oh Amazon have sent wrong ones and give back to her to return.

When my mum does it, it's like she thinks I'm not worth something a bit decent/something I really want.

YANBU.

My dad is like this, always looking to pinch a penny wherever he can. It's exhausting. His mother used to do it, and we'd laugh. Now he does it and genuinely doesn't recognise that he's just like her.

If she’s like my (batshit) mother it’s like the act of asking you is equivalent to actually getting the thing if that makes sense so once they’ve asked and asked that’s it they aren’t going to actually put any effort in.

that’s probably why you like I do the I don’t want anything I’m not bothered as we are shielding ourself from disappointment .But sometimes you get lured in and think this time it will be different.

mine has actually now given up and pretence of asking and puts £30 in a generic Tesco card. Still disappointing but better than her pretending to bother. My father in law in contrast who is nearly 90 would be mortified if he didn’t get me a fabulous card and a generous present, my husband facilitates the present buying but he will always ring my husband to enquire what I want.

My mum does this, too. She will get a cheaper version of what I wanted, even if what I asked for was £20.

My mum does exactly the same thing. She will hound me asking for ideas, then when I tell her something, she will buy the opposite/something of her choosing. In my case, it's a control thing. My mam has to be in control. If she thinks I'm not "grateful enough" for the opposite of what I've asked for, she kicks off. It's exhausting.

Well you said you were going to give them to your daughter so do I guess you do that then.

Ah, so frustrating. Someone in my family does this. Asked what the teen would like for their bday
Me: Vouchers please for specific shop as saving up for big item, or cash for same reason.
"Oh they can't just have a voucher, what else can I get them, they won't have a present to open?"
Me: Honestly, the teen is fine with no presents to open and would really like a cash or voucher contribution towards the item.
They spend (not exaggerating) easily £40 on random shit like books (too young), Lego (used to like it when they were younger) and toiletry sets. And a £10 voucher.

Give them to your daughter or donate them, don't give it any more heads pace.

God that's annoying. I can't abide it when people insist on buying you something and then absolutely refuse to get what you actually want or need.

If I were really fed up I'd give them back to her and say they aren't the ones you asked for.

But really, this should be the last time you play along with this little game. She has form for it, so you can't keep doing the same thing and expecting something different from her. When she starts insisting that she wants to get you a birthday present next year just say no thanks, I don't want anything. If she doubles down just say no, you never actually get what I ask for and it's a waste of money.

Well I dunno, I ordered something recently from Amazon that I had ordered several times before and always got the item as specified but this time I did not receive what was in the ad or photos and instead got a cheaper inferior sort of similar product but definitely not the branded product ordered. Obviously I noticed these were not the same despite being very similar so returned, maybe Amazon have made the mistake, I'd ask her to return them to double check it really was the right link she ordered on.

Frustrating? Yes I guess it could be.

However you said you would be happy with just a card. So if she had got you just a card you would have had to buy the pencils with your own money anyway.

My mil is a bit like this bless her..she asked me when I was pregnant am I a size 16 or 18? (I've only ever been a size 14 or less)..she also asked what size my daughter is for Christmas pyjamas so I said adult 8-10 as she has lost weight (she used to be a 14) but mil bought her aged 10! Luckily they fit so everyone was happy

Just draw a line under it and request Amazon vouchers in the future.

Next year ask for money or a voucher it sounds too stressful, I stopped giving specific suggestions about 5/6 years ago , my mum is quite happy to give me £30 in a card.

Urgh I feel your pain.

My mum is similar, she will get a slightly different version of what I ask for, even when I send a link.

I never ask for anything extravagant - one year I wanted a Pyrex metric measuring jug as I'd just gotten into baking. She bought me a plastic one with imperial measurements. She bought it from some drop-shipper on amazon with a load of other gumpf, that I didn't want and would never use - including a customised apron that couldn't be washed.

I think in my mum's case she sees More = Better, and nothing is better than a bargain. Even if they aren't things I want, need or will use. Whereas I hate waste and clutter and I value a single good quality item. But we wont ever see eye to eye - I just donate it all and try to not let it get to me.

Argh, my mother does this as well. I desperately want her to stop giving me (or anyone in my family) gifts, but she insists and insists, and I find something small and cheap and easy to obtain, and send her a link - and she ALWAYS goes rogue and gets something the imagines is an upgrade, but is actually nothing like the original item, and totally useless and bizarre, and ends up going to the charity shop.

She also does this when I visit and she asks what she can get in from the supermarket. I’ll say Walkers ready salted crisps - so, nothing rare or hard to find, and also one of about 5 foods my DC with ARFID will eat - and she’ll go off piste and get organic blue corn tortilla chips. It drives me fucking mad.

Mine does this too.

Just ask for the money next time. Tell her you want to buy something but you haven't exactly decided yet but it'll be about £30?

Stuff like this does my head in so I sympathise OP 🤣.
Get me what I ask for (the specific thing, and not something they think is the same), or just don’t bother.

My mum does this all the time. She always chooses some random crap to get even if there is a list/links given (they're always asked for). I don't know how to prevent the tat; I would have thought a link would be a huuugggge hint! It is getting worse as she gets older.

I’m reading as she doesn’t (have a lot to?) spend on presents and the pencils that have arrived are from somewhere very cheap (temu?). I wouldn’t have any further discussion because why would you want to shame your mum. At least you can order the pencils you do want today and have them arrive tomorrow so not like you’ll be waiting much longer.

Non artists don't get the difference in materials or that you just might have a preference. I am super picky about my yellow watercolours, of all things.

"Hey Mom, these aren't the ones I requested and they don't work for me. Can you return them and get x brand?"

If she's done this before, maybe just ask for an Amazon gift card. Happy birthday 🎂