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Original poster

For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

243 replies

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 10:47

My Dad has left his house to my brother and his wife in his will (bone of contention in the family as my Dad already gave my brother the family business and then my brother sold it, making millions of pounds, despite my Dad not wanting this to happen. My Dad was still involved in the business and used to pop in during the day, albeit not as an owner once he gave it to my brother). My Dad is a very fit and healthy 81 year old and I hope he has many years left in his home. He loves his garden and cutting his lawn and takes great pride in the house.

My brother and his wife have announced to me that they want to get an architect into my Dad's house to start drawing up house plans as they "have lots of ideas" about what they want to do with it once they get their hands on it.

I feel that they are just wanting my Dad to die!

One of their children, their 16 year old daughter, was staying with Dad last week while my brother and his wife were on holidays and this niece posted a scathing Snapchat video about my Dad about "how bad he is at cooking" and how she "had to throw her dinner into the bushes beside the patio when he wasn't looking"..all the way through laughing her head off, basically making out like my Dad is some senile imbecile. I feel like my brother and his wife are speaking ill about my Dad behind his back. My Dad isn't senile at all and is very capable and kind.

When I asked my brother why he has to bring in an architect into my Dad's house to basically plan for when my Dad is deceased, he got a bit huffy with me. I asked him why he can't just leave Dad alone and has to be doing this to him. Then he told me he's thinking of buying a small bungalow that's for sale nearby anyway. Now I am afraid he's going to try and take my Dad's house and put my Dad into the little bungalow. I always thought my Dad would be able to live in his house til the rest of his days.

My brother and his wife have a lovely house near my Dad's and millions in the bank, so I don't know what the fixation is on taking my Dad's house (Dad's house is beautiful BTW) when they could just build or buy one equally nice.

I feel that my brother and my sister in law are having no regard for my Dad, are waiting for him to die and are either going to try push him into a home or into the small bungalow they're about to buy down the road.

AIBU in being so upset about this?

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 11:35

Not sure how the business could be sold if your sad was a shareholder and he didn't receive any proceeds, did he engage a solicitor.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:34

crumblingschools · 20/05/2025 11:31

Why did your mother want your brother to have the house?

I guess she preferred him to me. He was probably her favourite child.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:33

MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 11:29

He may have been vulnerable when he sold the business if it was soon after yiur mum died which is awful but presumably he involved a solicitor and agreed to it,you can speak to your dad and ask if he's happy with what's happened and giving the house to your brother, ifnhes of sound mind and happy then what can you do, you can report any coercion or financial abuse by speaking to agent or elderabuseuk. Has anyone considered he may need to have carers or a care home in the future which he'd have to pay for. If you don't want any inheritance or be part of any hurtful discussions I'd just keep out of it and let them get on with it, has he made any inheritance provision for your children.

Not that I know of. It's all going to my brother.
I had hoped that my Dad would be able to stay in his home and have carers at home if he needs it. My brother wouldn't let my mother have hospice care at home. I tried to get her out of the hospice for a day. I planted up all the flower pots to make it look pretty but he was saying it was too much hassle etc. So I know the way he is and am therefore very scared that he is going to try oust Dad from the house prematurely.

OP posts:
IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 11:33

Lurker85 · 20/05/2025 11:28

But it’s fine for him to upset you?

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Exactly. The shit people let others get away with baffles me. OP’s dad can leave what he likes to who he likes but there are repercussions from that- the child who is left out is hurt. Stop tiptoeing around his man to avoid hurting his feelings when he gives zero shit about yours.

SheilaFentiman · 20/05/2025 11:33

Ankther · 20/05/2025 11:27

OP - why are you worrying so much about a father who is leaving life changing sums of money and assets to your brother while giving you nothing? If your dad’s decision to leave his house only to his male offspring brings out your brother’s grabby side, he only has himself to blame.

This. Stay out of it - if they move your dad to a bungalow or whatever, that's on them and him.

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 11:32

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

I am sorry to hear this. Sounds similar to my scenario.
I am not going to go NC with my Dad as I do love him and he is a good person, just very easily led by others.

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He is a good person? No, he isn't or he would treat you fairly and not give everything to your brother. I don't feel sorry for him at all, he has chosen the family he prefers so let them take advantage of him (unless he's senile ofcourse).

crumblingschools · 20/05/2025 11:31

Why did your mother want your brother to have the house?

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:31

Blackdow · 20/05/2025 11:28

Your dad is not senile so why can’t you just speak to him?
Be honest with him… he handed your brother a business worth millions, which your brother sold and now he is giving him the house. What about you and your children? Have you asked him?

You don’t have to accept shitty treatment.

Yes, I know. My Dad is hard to talk to..will get very upset and won't change the outcome.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 20/05/2025 11:31

Does your dad have POA set up?

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:31

Ankther · 20/05/2025 11:27

OP - why are you worrying so much about a father who is leaving life changing sums of money and assets to your brother while giving you nothing? If your dad’s decision to leave his house only to his male offspring brings out your brother’s grabby side, he only has himself to blame.

It was more my mother's wish to leave the house to my brother. My Dad made the mistake in giving my brother a controlling share in the business and he sold it against my Dad's will and pocketed all the proceeds. My Dad doesn't want to go against my mother's wish for the house. The sale of the business happened when my mother was dying.

OP posts:
OneQuirkyPanda · 20/05/2025 11:29

You sound very very passive, your parents have disinherited you with no explanation what so ever, you don’t even seem to have asked them why? I don’t understand why you would care what happens to the house when you’ve been treated this way.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:29

holidayclubs · 20/05/2025 11:27

The actions of others don’t define your worth, please don’t feel less than. See it for what it is - their manipulation,unkindness and greed.

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Thanks. Yes. Thank you.

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 11:29

He may have been vulnerable when he sold the business if it was soon after yiur mum died which is awful but presumably he involved a solicitor and agreed to it,you can speak to your dad and ask if he's happy with what's happened and giving the house to your brother, ifnhes of sound mind and happy then what can you do, you can report any coercion or financial abuse by speaking to agent or elderabuseuk. Has anyone considered he may need to have carers or a care home in the future which he'd have to pay for. If you don't want any inheritance or be part of any hurtful discussions I'd just keep out of it and let them get on with it, has he made any inheritance provision for your children.

Lurker85 · 20/05/2025 11:28

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

It would upset him. I don't want to upset him.

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But it’s fine for him to upset you?

Blackdow · 20/05/2025 11:28

Your dad is not senile so why can’t you just speak to him?
Be honest with him… he handed your brother a business worth millions, which your brother sold and now he is giving him the house. What about you and your children? Have you asked him?

You don’t have to accept shitty treatment.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:27

Lurker85 · 20/05/2025 11:25

Sorry this is awful for you ☹️ Mom’s wish or not surely your dad can see how unfair it is…. If they want the house to stay in the family then it should be left to both of you and then your brother could buy you out using his millions.

You'd think. I wish this was the case too.
I am more concerned with the issue at hand though - what my brother is doing WHILE my Dad is alive and how upsetting this is.

OP posts:
Ankther · 20/05/2025 11:27

OP - why are you worrying so much about a father who is leaving life changing sums of money and assets to your brother while giving you nothing? If your dad’s decision to leave his house only to his male offspring brings out your brother’s grabby side, he only has himself to blame.

holidayclubs · 20/05/2025 11:27

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:24

I am not ok at all. But what can I do about it? I am very, very hurt and feel like a lesser child and less favoured, but what am I going to do in all reality? I am not going to cause war over it.

Show quote history

The actions of others don’t define your worth, please don’t feel less than. See it for what it is - their manipulation,unkindness and greed.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

RhannionKPSS · 20/05/2025 11:25

FGS ! go and speak to your dad about what your concerns are

It would upset him. I don't want to upset him.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

holidayclubs · 20/05/2025 11:25

Your dad is making a choice that is causing this situation. My mother is doing the same she’s even let my sister redecorate her house for when she inherits it ! I’m getting fuck all and that’s why I’m now NC with them all. I think it may be worth getting some therapy this is what I did and I found I was holding on to some kind of dream version of my family and always hoping they’d change to be decent people. Once I realised that won’t happen I could start to heal myself.

picking favourites is just a spiteful game to some people and the inheritance issue is so common sadly.

I am sorry to hear this. Sounds similar to my scenario.
I am not going to go NC with my Dad as I do love him and he is a good person, just very easily led by others.

OP posts:
IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 11:25

Based on what you’ve said here I’m really hoping that your dad is trolling your brother and when he does die he leaves either the house to you or to the cats home or really anyone but your brother and SIL.

I have the real ick for people who discuss what their plans are for “their inheritance” while the person they expect to inherit from is still alive. It’s not your inheritance until you inherit it. Nothing is guaranteed.

Lurker85 · 20/05/2025 11:25

Sorry this is awful for you ☹️ Mom’s wish or not surely your dad can see how unfair it is…. If they want the house to stay in the family then it should be left to both of you and then your brother could buy you out using his millions.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:25

Koazy · 20/05/2025 11:22

That’s disgusting on your dad’s part

My Dad is doing what my mother asked him to do before she died. She wanted my brother to have the house. Yes, it is all beyond hurtful, but what can I do. I have no control over this.

OP posts:
RhannionKPSS · 20/05/2025 11:25

FGS ! go and speak to your dad about what your concerns are

holidayclubs · 20/05/2025 11:25

Your dad is making a choice that is causing this situation. My mother is doing the same she’s even let my sister redecorate her house for when she inherits it ! I’m getting fuck all and that’s why I’m now NC with them all. I think it may be worth getting some therapy this is what I did and I found I was holding on to some kind of dream version of my family and always hoping they’d change to be decent people. Once I realised that won’t happen I could start to heal myself.

picking favourites is just a spiteful game to some people and the inheritance issue is so common sadly.

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