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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

243 replies

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 10:47

My Dad has left his house to my brother and his wife in his will (bone of contention in the family as my Dad already gave my brother the family business and then my brother sold it, making millions of pounds, despite my Dad not wanting this to happen. My Dad was still involved in the business and used to pop in during the day, albeit not as an owner once he gave it to my brother). My Dad is a very fit and healthy 81 year old and I hope he has many years left in his home. He loves his garden and cutting his lawn and takes great pride in the house.

My brother and his wife have announced to me that they want to get an architect into my Dad's house to start drawing up house plans as they "have lots of ideas" about what they want to do with it once they get their hands on it.

I feel that they are just wanting my Dad to die!

One of their children, their 16 year old daughter, was staying with Dad last week while my brother and his wife were on holidays and this niece posted a scathing Snapchat video about my Dad about "how bad he is at cooking" and how she "had to throw her dinner into the bushes beside the patio when he wasn't looking"..all the way through laughing her head off, basically making out like my Dad is some senile imbecile. I feel like my brother and his wife are speaking ill about my Dad behind his back. My Dad isn't senile at all and is very capable and kind.

When I asked my brother why he has to bring in an architect into my Dad's house to basically plan for when my Dad is deceased, he got a bit huffy with me. I asked him why he can't just leave Dad alone and has to be doing this to him. Then he told me he's thinking of buying a small bungalow that's for sale nearby anyway. Now I am afraid he's going to try and take my Dad's house and put my Dad into the little bungalow. I always thought my Dad would be able to live in his house til the rest of his days.

My brother and his wife have a lovely house near my Dad's and millions in the bank, so I don't know what the fixation is on taking my Dad's house (Dad's house is beautiful BTW) when they could just build or buy one equally nice.

I feel that my brother and my sister in law are having no regard for my Dad, are waiting for him to die and are either going to try push him into a home or into the small bungalow they're about to buy down the road.

AIBU in being so upset about this?

OP posts:

MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 12:24

You're better off having no money from them,it's bad blood money and you and your own family are better off without it, once your dad passes you dont ever need to have have any contact with them again, that's worth more than any amount of money. Don't discuss it anh more, keep out of it, dad knows what he's doing.

JojoM1981 · 20/05/2025 12:24

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 11:33

Exactly. The shit people let others get away with baffles me. OP’s dad can leave what he likes to who he likes but there are repercussions from that- the child who is left out is hurt. Stop tiptoeing around his man to avoid hurting his feelings when he gives zero shit about yours.

Show quote history

Agree completely. You need to bring up your concerns to your dad too. Stop pussyfooting around him.

nhsmanagersanonymous · 20/05/2025 12:23

Hmmm
well I think I’d be making some lovely single lady friends of a certain age and taking them along to visit dad a lot. I’m sure one of them would find your dad and his flower pots appealing.
A new step mum won’t make your situation any worse but would invalidate the current will and more importantly infuriate your ghastly sibling. She might even encourage your dad to pursue whether he has been fairly treated as he would need to make fair provision for his new wife too.

Original poster

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 12:23

pimplebum · 20/05/2025 12:05

I am gob smacked that you are taking it lying down about your brother getting millions and you absolutely nothing
are their cultural issues at play here ?

personally I’d not be able to just carry on being chums with my dad and brother I’d leave them too it

can you contest the will with your dad as far as the house is concerned ?

id need a lot of therapy to deal with this shit

Show quote history

No cultural issues or anything. I just want a family feud. I would rather work for my money and pay my mortgage etc. than get a handout. Yes, it is terribly unfair alright, but it's outside my control sadly.

OP posts:

LemonLimeOrangeKiwi · 20/05/2025 12:23

Not sure I would care what they do to be honest.

I would be so disappointed and hurt by my parents actions, giving all to my brother that I would just leave them all to it and distance myself from the lot of them.

Your dad had the option to make the will fair when your mother died, but he chose this path. Leave him to it.

Fred22ER · 20/05/2025 12:21

If you can't find the indignation for yourself, then find it for your children who because of their weak grandfather are not getting treated fairly.

Walk away and let him live with his decisions (dont blame your mum - HE has made the decisions) or fight it.

TorroFerney · 20/05/2025 12:19

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

It would upset him. I don't want to upset him.

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Why are his feelings more important than yours? You should be bloody raging.

JojoM1981 · 20/05/2025 12:17

Vile vultures 🤮
Sadly I'm fully expecting the same to happen once my mum passes 😔😔😔

Livpool · 20/05/2025 12:15

Oh and your brother is a piece of shit

Livpool · 20/05/2025 12:13

Op -I am laidback and quite passive generally bit I don’t know how you can stand to be so blasé about how your mother and father have treated you. They didn’t/dont care about upsetting you so honestly I wouldn’t care if they were upset

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 20/05/2025 12:13

Wow, your brother is a complete shit. Bear in mind your dad might also need to go into care at some point so his house will need to be sold to cover the costs.

Brefugee · 20/05/2025 12:12

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:24

I am not ok at all. But what can I do about it? I am very, very hurt and feel like a lesser child and less favoured, but what am I going to do in all reality? I am not going to cause war over it.

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so go to your dad, once, tell him what you have told us. Tell him that since he only seems to care about brother, that is the extent of what you are going to say on the matter.

And don't get sucked into caring or anything else for him. Just don't.

Blackdow · 20/05/2025 12:08

Were you ever given the option of helping in the family business or being any part of it?
Did you refuse? Or were you not actually included at all, because your parents just decided it would be your brother’s?

Workinginthelivingroom · 20/05/2025 12:07

No good parent would do this, you reap what you sow. You have zero responsibilities to a man that treats you this way, so take a step back and plough your energy into those that value you.

Direct all father related issues to your brother. There may not be a house for him to inherit depending on how long he lives and the care required.

Parky04 · 20/05/2025 12:06

I'm sorry, you state that he is a good father. I disagree, he is an appalling father. Who on earth would treat their children so differently?! I would have cut contact when your brother was handed the family business!

pimplebum · 20/05/2025 12:05

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 11:25

Based on what you’ve said here I’m really hoping that your dad is trolling your brother and when he does die he leaves either the house to you or to the cats home or really anyone but your brother and SIL.

I have the real ick for people who discuss what their plans are for “their inheritance” while the person they expect to inherit from is still alive. It’s not your inheritance until you inherit it. Nothing is guaranteed.

I am gob smacked that you are taking it lying down about your brother getting millions and you absolutely nothing
are their cultural issues at play here ?

personally I’d not be able to just carry on being chums with my dad and brother I’d leave them too it

can you contest the will with your dad as far as the house is concerned ?

id need a lot of therapy to deal with this shit

Doyouknowdanieltiger · 20/05/2025 12:05

Op I'd disown your dad if I was you.

Fuck the greedy bastards.

MammaTo · 20/05/2025 12:01

To be honest, I’d just let them crack on. I know it sounds cruel on the surface but if your parents want to favour one sibling over another, then he can handle the consequences.

Original poster

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 12:00

Lighttheflame · 20/05/2025 11:56

Hello op, I just wanted to add my voice to concur with others that you have been badly let down by your Mother, Father and Brother.

It's terribly unfair. And yet also it sounds like you have a good life, a good job and are a good person.

I appreciate you care for your dad, but I think he doesn't merit more care, compassion or time than you give to yourself. I guess what I'm saying is, prioritise you.

This means not doing all the pots, not spending hours worrying about him, and accepting that your clearly intelligent & capable parents made their own choices, and they therefore have to live with them.

(I too have had a complex family dynamic and found talking therapy with a humanistic therapist extremely helpful. I had to go through several phases of anger, but then have come out the other side more content to pursue my own life goals, and I am happier than ever).

Best of luck

Thanks for sharing and it's good that therapy worked for you. I might consider it. Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:59

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/05/2025 11:56

This is completely outrageous..
And on the face of it, really sexist.. Why... Just why?!?

OK so your bro worked in the business and has already massively benefited by selling it. So he's already 'quids in' (horrid term but it fits here.!)

Did your mum, or does your dad have ANY idea of your finances...?? Personally I'd risk 'rocking the boat '...

Your dad may believe all sorts about your financial situation?? (Probably generated by your brother..." Oh don't worry about @SadANDupsetGirl ,shes loaded..!")

Even if You are not that motivated by money... Surely you'd like your children to have an equitable amount to their cousins?

And it sounds a considerable amount that your brother is happy to coerce your dad out of leaving to you /your kids....

It sounds though your dad loves you 👍... Just one sentence may tell you.. :

'dad is there a reason I and my kids aren't inheriting?' and see what he says?? (I'd also ask him not to mention this convo to your brother.)

Even if it was your mother's wish... Wouldn't she like your kids to perhaps live in it one day /have benefit??

Think hard about this!!

The time to act is now... Before your brother influences him any more...!!

This has happened to at least 3 families I know... With varying consequences...

Show quote history

Yes, I am more upset for my kids than myself to be honest. My brother's 2 kids will be multi millionaires in their own right, presuming he gives them some of his money.
Myself and DH aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. Don't get me wrong - we are comfortable and can enjoy a holiday every year etc. but we work unbelievably hard for all we have got.

OP posts:

Kelticgold · 20/05/2025 11:58

No doubt your DB, the golden child, will expect you to take care of your DF when his health starts to decline. I have seen this behaviour in my own family.

Original poster

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:57

Peachy2005 · 20/05/2025 11:51

This is disgusting. If he has no wider sensible friends or family you could get to have a talk with him, I would have one conversation with your dad raising the topic of financial abuse (past and future) and advising him to get impartial legal advice to protect himself from being forced out of his own house. Then I would tell him I can’t watch him making bad decisions and being treated this way (being made fun of online is repulsive!!) and will be keeping my distance to protect my own peace of mind. Then do that 💐

Thanks. Yes, my poor daughter doesn't want him to know about the online video, because my niece (her cousin) will come for her if she knows my daughter told on her. So my Dad doesn't know about the online video. Good advice re: the legal advice. It will be hard to get him to agree to anything. He is very passive and won't want the hassle or to make any changes.

OP posts:

Parrotinthehouse · 20/05/2025 11:56

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:31

Yes, I know. My Dad is hard to talk to..will get very upset and won't change the outcome.

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@SadANDupsetGirlI'd write your father a letter - explaining how you feel. Might change the outcome, might not. At least it's off your chest before he dies. Don't hang onto the pain, tell him.

Also your brother is a grabby arsehole - is there a reason he dislikes you so much? Also your SIL Also to blame! Who marries a man like this!!

Lighttheflame · 20/05/2025 11:56

Hello op, I just wanted to add my voice to concur with others that you have been badly let down by your Mother, Father and Brother.

It's terribly unfair. And yet also it sounds like you have a good life, a good job and are a good person.

I appreciate you care for your dad, but I think he doesn't merit more care, compassion or time than you give to yourself. I guess what I'm saying is, prioritise you.

Best of luck

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/05/2025 11:56

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:22

He doesn't have Snapchat so doesn't know he is being mocked. My own daughter showed me the video, which was horrifying.
It does feel like he is being coerced. The business was sold from under him, his wife (my mother) died and now this with the house...all in the space of less than 12 months.