For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

You said your dad is easily lead which is a very kind way of putting it. If thats how he is, why aren't you trying to lead him in a direction that's safer for his future and fairer for your family? Is your brother the active one who challenges (like your mum) and your dad is the passive one who chooses to keep the peace at all costs (like you)? Seems to me like you are all behaving in very familiar and ingrained ways, so of course you will get very familiar results. If you want something different you will have to behave differently. It may be the tiny rock that pushes the whole family onto a better path.

I wouldn't be surprised if your horrible brother started on the 'improvements' while your father's still alive expecting him to pay for them! If you have a family solicitor then maybe you need to speak to them about your father's financial well-being, he may take advice better from an outsider, especially a male outsider!

You're obviously following your Father for being passive and your brother follows your Mother in being bossy. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't take this lying down. You must be upset about this otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Why shouldn't your Father be upset for causing all of this? Even if you don't get anywhere don't be a martyr.

How is what you are doing fair on your daughter
When she sees her cousins enjoying the wealth from your parents and she has to struggle in life ,no nice car when she passed her test ,no deposit for a flat ,no uni fees paid ..yet your brothers children have it all
Because you couldn't fight for what was rightly hers
You might be happy with the scraps from your parents table
But when your daughter sees the lifestyle her cousins will have in years to come ,when the wealth is passed on ..Do not assume she will be ok with your choices

OP it doesn't matter if it upsets your dad. Both he and your mum have made an unfair decision, favouring on child is just toxic.

Your DB has sold the business now so why does he need the house?

Seems like you get on well with your dad. Why is he giving everything to your brother & nothing to you?
id be speaking to him about your brothers behaviour I know it’ll upset him, but he deserves to know especially while he’s still in a good mindset.

You need to speak with your Dad for your children’s sake.
Youre almost being a bit of a martyr here saying how hard you work for your money etc. that’s really great but we wouldn’t judge you as a non-hard worker if you got fair inheritance that would set up your children for their future.

youre already in the worst situation eg no inheritance, being mugged off by family. So even if your dad doesn’t change the will- there is no change. But you tried ALL you could for your children. You do then a disservice by pretending you’re taking the high ground here. I know it’s going to be hurtful and a massive rejection if your dad continues. But better to know.

id sit down an give him facts and open questions eg
‘why is the will completely one sided that brother got x from business (wages and sell value) and house value for his child and my children get nothing?
he’s had the value of the house this many times over, don’t you think the house should go to my children to live in?’

some real frank questions. Good luck.

Indeed!

No passive man can make a multi million business from scratch. He is not thoughtful.

Op, I already wrote a few posts on this thread because I have seen this dynamic in my extended family many times. Usually the accepting adult child becomes resentful a few years later. It is very unfair and is not a one time thing.
You would hate it when you would not be invited in this house, which has always been your parents house and you have some memories. There are a lot of things you may hate about this in future, so listen to posters and atleast talk to your dad. Not many people have this privilege, what if your kids ask you one day, why didnt you ask for your right to make their lives a bit easier?

Why are you chasing around , worrying about a man who clearly doesn't give a shit ,or a crap about you .
They clearly raised you to have absolutely no self worth or self belief
What are you demonstrating to your children by this situation
You are saying
Treat me like shit ,walk all over me ,and still I will be the loving mother /daughter.
Is that the message you want your daughter to take from this ,do you want her to let men treat her like this ,..don't you want to set her a good example.
Your as bad as your dad ,you can't stand up to him ,in case you upset him ,he couldn't stand up to your mum in case he upset her ...and so the generation trauma continues to the next generation and onwards

Examine your motivation deeper.

Well it seems that you care far more about your dad's feelings than he does about yours OP. You certainly know your place in the family.

I would attempt one conversation with your father, saying it is now a few months since your Mum died and asking what is wishes would be for the future, would he want to live on in that house, would he want nursing at home. You could record his reply or help him to get a living will drawn up. It is not an unreasonable thing to do at his age, it gives you a way in to seeing what he says about the house. I would make sure that others in the slightly wider family knew what he had said. After that I would keep seeing him but withdraw emotionally a bit.

I always fume when I hear of an elderly widowed parent remarrying and leaving everything to their new spouse, and nothing to their children. In your case, however, it would be rather wonderful if your father found love again with someone happy to look after him, and who then inherited the lot (cutting your greedy brother out, and with you no worse off).

Your brother and his family sound appalling, and given that the above probably won’t happen, in your position I wouldn’t be able to stay quiet in the face of such inequality and blatant favouritism.

You're making excuses for your dad. He may have a more passive personality, but he is still your dad, a parent, and he is still accountable for the choices he makes in how he treats you.
As for your SiL, tell her to fuck off, seriously. You owe her absolutely nothing. Please also don't fall into the trap of putting all male behaviour on the shoulders of women. Women are not responsible for how your dad and brother treat you.

Yes also get him nibbles

Re the house and business going to your brother, if he is the “eldest son” then that used to be the normal/common thing to do and probably still is in many cultures, so I would try not to take it personally. Your brother treating your Dad so badly is obviously a very different matter. How about Citizens advice bureau for some advice? Maybe some legal advice too, see if there’s anything you can do to protect your Dad? Perhaps he is a “victim” of your Mum and now your brother and his wife.

He doesn’t seem bothered about upsetting you, not leaving you anything at all; why are his feelings more important than yours?

So she has to be worrying about dads feelings when nobody gives a shit about hers

Talk to him about feeling hurt and not valued by them and also that your brother's kids will benefit so much while your kids would one day be able to see the unfairness by their grandparents, see what he says.
If outcome is still the same, you know he does not give a shit about your feelings and then you can maintain a decent distance and let his family (son - your mother wanted to keep the house in famiky, and only son was considered the family) take care of him.

Kindly your father chose to give the business to your brother. It was then your brother's business to do as he saw fit. It was not sold from under your Dad. It wasn't your Dad's at that stage.

Also kindly as possible your mother chose to want to leave the house to your brother but your father is also choosing to do the same. His choice - not your mother's.

Your niece is being unkind and I would call her out and bring it up with her parents that itbis unacceptable and unkind behaviour.

As regards the plans then if your father is happy for them to draw up plans and even get planning permission in place then so be it. Anyone can apply for planning on any property even if they don't own it - bizarre I know - but that's the case.

Frankly it is your father that is treating you far more shabbily than your brother is treating his dad.

Sorry you’re going through this OP.

I’m in a similar situation, my brother convinced my parents to sell the family home and use the money to build a house on his land.

Five years later, brother said he needs the property for his kids and has bought a property locally for my parent to live rent free in.

My parents have since renovated the property like it’s their own, with their money. I kept telling them it’s not their property, why are they using their money to renovate someone else’s house? All falls on deaf ears.

Unfortunately, my parents are not the smartest of people and are easily led. I’m low contact for a number of reasons with only monthly phone calls and no contact with my brother. I just hope that they’ve provisioned for care fees etc.

To be honest, it’s all out of my control so I try not to think about it too much, but sad to see others experiencing similar situations.

This is great advice above OP.

I'd have the conversation with your dad now. Let him know your full feelings if being left out like this, & the resentments this will likely impose on you & your family going forwards if he proceeds this way.

Your DB & SIL & their child all sound horrible & vile. Cut them out of your life as much as possible now. Bare pleasantries only going forwards.

Do everything in your persuasive power to get your dad not to let the architects in, not to bequeath his house to this entitled ah & SIL, to not get kicked out of his own home prematurely, and to restore some sort of parity & fairness in his will. This is only right & fair. Let him know you are not OK about this at all.

(Speaking to a trusted friend of his may be a good idea if this conversation alone doesn't work. ).

This is real life OP. Do grow a backbone, do protect your emotions, but also do go to bat for yourself, your kids, your dad and a sense of fairness for all going into the future.

Good luck OP.

Your parents are foul for this. I’d speak to your dad and ask why brother is inheriting twice and you get nothing!! He got MILLIONS! Wake up! Your kids are going to get nothing whilst his will be set for life. If you have no backbone for yourself have one for your kids at least. Your mother presumably didn’t know your twat brother was going to sell the business and start trying to get your dad out his own home. This is disgusting. Wake up! If your dad puts the home in your name your grabby brother will have to fuck off and your dad can keep living there in peace. Seriously wake up. Why post here if you won’t have a backbone to even do anything anyway