For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

No, sorry OP but there is being passive and accepting and then there is being a doormat. You say you would not like to upset your dad - the same dad who clearly doesn’t give a s* about upsetting you. It is not about money, I respect you for that, but it should be about respect - respecting yourself. Your father is an exceptionally bad parent for treating you as though you are worthless. Your brother is a bad brother for going along with it. Again, your brother has no issues upsetting your father by selling the business and your father seems to have had no issue with your brother treating him badly. Personally I could not let this lie. I would speak to my father, express my concerns about his future wellbeing and then state for my own wellbeing i would be taking a big step back from his life. He has demonstrated by his actions that he considers me, and his grandchildren by me, to be utterly unworthy of his respect and to be treated with contempt. I cannot be around people like that in my life. He is passing on the house as that was your mother’s desire and he loved her. What about love for you? Where does he factor that in? Actions have consequences. Actions of ‘very passive’ people (who btw have no issue taking actions as long as they only disadvantage you) have consequences.

OP - could you ask your dad for a share of the house to go to your DC? I know you are nervous of a family feud but it looks like you are going low contact with your brother and his family so is there really that much to lose by asking?

This is just so bafflingly unfair.

I think I'd drop in a few comments in passing to your Dad that your brother mentioned buying a bungalow in the village. Then say "you know you don't have to agree to anything that you don't want to do. If anyone tries to make you do something you don't want to you can always come to me for support. I won't make a big drama but I'll be in your corner and help you work out what to do" then change the subject. It sounds like he won't want to talk it out but I'd want him to know that I'd be there for him if your brother pushes him too far (not that he especially deserves it for how he has/is treating you but I get that he is in a vulnerable position and there's a lot of backstory with your mum etc).

I'd also put in some decent boundaries re: care/help eg with the flower pots, you could say "I'd love to drop in and help and spend a bit of time with you, Dad. I've got 2 hours on Saturday afternoon to help you get started but beyond that, you'll need to get brothers help or find a gardener/employ someone to help. Work and DC are just so full on at the moment I need to make sure I don't spread myself too thinly".

I hope this thread gives op some courage to speak up. This thread has been triggering for me. I didn't want to out this but my mother was like OP very proud about her values, but she was on mim wage and my father was alcoholic, while her father was rich and gave loads to his financially well off son but very luttle to daughter as daughters are not same family once they marry.
My mum's annoys me when she brags about her not being greedy.
I think op's children are in better situation but hope they never question op's decision to stay silent in future. I am leaving. Need to get on with work now 😊
Will ping later to see op's response. Good luck.

So your dad avoids drama and so do you. But your dad is being bullied by your brother. I would have to ask him how he feels about your brother moving him out of his house as that’s what’s going to happen. I don’t think your brother can legally do this while your dad is alive?! Your brother sounds greedy have you ever asked your dad why you have been treated so differently? I know I would be fuming it must be hurtful why should you have to work so hard in life while your brother spends your parents money.

There's nothing wrong with that message, but why can't the neighbour go to a cheap shop or charity shop and sort herself out. I just feel they treat me like a mug.

There is a hell of a lot wrong with that message he sent you op, it’s treating you like shit on your shoe. If I were your dh I’d be furious, and I’d say I have very little support for you helping your dad out, but I’m happy to call your brother and say your dad wants this, <op> is upset as she can’t do it with work etc, you should do it. Bye.
I’d also suggest I read all your brothers messages and only tell her about relevant stuff. So the shoes message I’d just reply for you if I were your dh: No. don’t send me any more pushy rude requests for me to help your random neighbours.

So your brother was gifted a ready made career while you made your own in outside world like us ordinary people.

Honestly people are so greedy it's disgusting ! My mother used to tell my Nan she couldn't choose what carpet she wanted because the house would be hers soon anyway 🤢 things like that. It's very distressing I really feel for you.

Forgot to add to my post re my father in law leaving his house to my sister in law and his reason was I've got my mum's inheritance coming 😒🙄sis in law is a single parent 🤦‍♂️

So why are posting ? Tbh you have two choices, let this continue, you will feel upset , or speak up to your dad in a calm manner because this whole situation is incredibly unfair on you

Something like this used to be very common in my Indian culture and still is in some families. For this reason, there are so many middle age siblings with broken relationships.

I was wondering if op is from same culture as mine.

Does it not annoy you that your brother has manipulated your dad and still stands to get the house? Surly you should want to at least speak to your dad about it rather then both of you burying your head in the sand ?

You said your dad didn’t want to sell the business so you could broach it from that angle as surly your mum wouldn’t want your brother to have the house still had she known that your brother was going to sell the family business straight away?

I feel like you are trying to not let this bother you, count your blessings etc but I think you will regret not even trying to speak to your dad about it.

I think a gentle word with your dad might be good. I know you don't want to cause him pain but that will happen anyway if he sees his son try to run him out of his house.

You are treating your Dad with much more respect, care and concern for his interests than he has done for you.
Either leave them all to it or stop being so passive
You aren't getting the house anyway so why do you care if your Dad moves out of it now or anytime. If he has a different house maybe he will leave it to you when he dies anyway so this could work in your favour

That niece will reap financial benefits not op's children. It's so unfair but OP does not feel as strong about this as she does about upsetting her unfair father.

If OP's father dies within seven years of giving the business to his son, won't there be gift-related Inheritance Tax implications for his estate, not to mention Capital Gains liability on the house? I ask as an utter ignoramus on such things!

I think this is a classic case of people acting out their designated family roles forever. And then raising their kids to do the same (e.g. people pleasing daughter not showing the Snapchat to grandad because she doesnt want to rock the boat with pushy cousin).

Have you been raised to believe you're a second class citizen compared to your brother? I can't think of another reason for you being so passive about all of this!

Absolutely speak to dad. Get legal advice before doing so, if suggesting putting anything in your name. Understand the implications. Suggest he does it through a lawyer (not just a will-writer) so he understands them too.