For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

Sorry but you’re part of the problem. As others say, grow a backbone and tell/show your dad. Why get treated like an imbecile? I bet you look after your dad too…. Honestly. The resentment is already there - very understandably - so say something and if it explodes, who cares. You have nothing to lose. The fact that you find it deplorable that you wouldn’t treat your kids like this, why are you accepting being treated like this?

Your passivity is why you’re being totally and utterly mugged off.

Your mother and your brother sound like cunts, and your father a feeble disgrace.

How has this been allowed to happen??

Your family have got away with this because they’re used to you never asking for anything or making a fuss.
It’s always the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, it’s definitely time for you to squeak.
Don’t feel uncomfortable about talking to your father about all this; he obviously doesn’t feel any discomfort about not only being completely unfair in regard to his assets, but also in you knowing what he is doing. It’s appalling.
Do this for your children’s sake at least, if you don’t feel that you yourself are worthy of anything other than this dismissive treatment.
Most of all, tell your father how very deeply hurt you are. Surely he can’t believe that you don’t care? You will feel better if you tell him how you feel. Give him an opportunity to explain himself and, hopefully, to redress the situation.

If it’s only 6 months since you lost your DM, your DF will currently be in an incredibly difficult place emotionally, barely waking and getting through each day. Even at 2 years this is difficult. He is incredibly vulnerable just now in the aftermath.

it’s despicable that your DB was selling the family business during this time.

I’m lost for words that your DB is talking about the house at this stage, when your DF above all other considerations needs calm, routine, space, to feel safe, settled and grounded in his home environment. It should be his safe space and utterly sacrosanct. Your DF needs no more uncertainty after what he has been through.

Your DF will most likely have some trusted former longstanding business friends, is there one trusted person among them that you could confide in and ask that they address the house and will issue with your DF? They would likely present a different inheritance position for your father to consider, and likely he might listen and consider.

Your Dad is capable of making a decision himself rather than blaming it on his dead wife. Hes using her as an excuse. He could choose to over ride her wishes.

Leave him to it and cut both your Dad and you brother out of your life.

You are a complete doormat for bothering about either of them.

Id perhaps look into getting power of attorney for financial and health. See if he would agree to that, then you could stand up for him against your brother's wishes if need be and have the legal right to do so.

picking favourites is just a spiteful game to some people and the inheritance issue is so common sadly.

Yes and it's confirmation that the child left nothing didn't mean much to the parents....it's so cruel

@SadANDupsetGirl it's not your nature, it's your conditioning. You are ALLOWED to have feelings and want things for yourself and your kids. You are ALLOWED to take up space and time in your father's mind and you are ALLOWED to ask your family to consider you. Please give yourself permission to be more demanding.

I’d stop going to see him if I were you and he can have a little think about why that might be.

@SadANDupsetGirl I understand what you're saying but you've become totally acclimatised through your upbringing and adult life to accept a subordinate role where your needs/wants matter far less than anyone elses in your birth family, however outrageous or unfair their behaviour is. The uneven distribution of money is a manifestation of your "lesser" position and it very, very much suits your brother and SIL, of course. They aren't the architects of this though, your parents were.

The only person who can do anything about this is you, and while it may make not change the outcome, differentiating yourself from a doormat will benefit you and your kids.

If you don't plan on acting of any of your thoughts it doesn't really matter what you think or what your brother does.

You are upset that your brother is manipulating your father.

You are very upset how you have been treated and you are upset that your daughter is going to suffer in the same waybyou have.

But you have said that you will not do anything about it. You can only attempt to change things through your own actions.

Your brother is likely attempting to protect his own interests when you mention the bungalow. He is likely planning to try and avoid care home fees/ inheritance tax to maximise his gain. While he may get away with it with the 7 yr rule on inheritance tax he won't with deprivation of assets

This is utterly insane. I can not understand how your brother managed to sell a business and get millions and your dad only got £300k - I mean did your father never have a solicitor?

We sold a business - the due diligence was insane - I just do not see how this happened at all.

I understand your thinking, you're proud etc. But please consider your children. How fair is it to them that their cousins will be wealthy while they have nothing. Stop thinking about yourself and think about them- maybe that will give you the courage to have a discussion with your father. Get another trusted family member in on this as well. I would be livid if my aunt did this to my cousins and I would tell her what I think about it.

Afaik, it would not be legally premiseable to record the conversation. (I.e. it would carry little or no weight in the event of a dispute say). I also think it would be highly unadviseable tbh.

I would have "the conversation", ensuring to ask all of the hard questions e.g.
Does he think it's fair, does he think it's anyway equitable, on you or his grand children and your concerns for his welfare, etc, etc, etc

BTW, this may not be 1 conversation, it may well be a series of difficult conversations. These things can be emotive for all involved. Bear in mind also, your dad might feel he has to let your privileged brother & his horrible family in on some of the details also, & he might feel he has to let them down from what they thought they may get. This could also have ramifications how they behave towards you & him btw, so brace yourself. They don't sound nice tbh. Stay strong.

Once you have hopefully won him over, ensure he has a really good family solicitor and get him to schedule an appointment(s) with them. You will not be privy to those meetings btw & only to details your dad chooses to share with you or not.

Good luck OP!!

P.s.You are going to have to remain very strong & consistent throughout this. Do this for you, your family, your dad's welfare, his legacy with you, your family & his, and a sense of fairness going forward.

Why has your Dad left you out of his will. Or don't you know.

@SadANDupsetGirl by passively accepting this behaviour from your late mother, father and brother you are not providing a great model for your children. I'm sorry, but you're not. It isn't about the money but the unfairness and it would be the same on a much smaller scale without a multi million business and the house.

The favouritism you describe is breathtaking but you're still more concerned about your (fit, healthy) father's feelings than your own. It is setting the example that people close to you can actively demonstrate that they don't care about you and you'll still be around to take it whatever.

Your mother's wishes about the house are irrelevant as it no longer belongs to her but to your father (at the moment) and he is doing nothing to make things right. Do you think if it suited your brother to move away completely he'd give a single thought to "keeping it in the family" ?

YANBU to be upset by what your brother's wanting to do. In fact, you're very good to still want to take care of your father, considering the circumstances.

I always find it interesting how beneficiaries amongst siblings don't share their good fortune with the siblings who've been overlooked. How a parent can actually leave a child out of their will is baffling to me.

Hope your brother sees your point of view.

One would assume that Golden Balls was remunerated appropriately when he worked for the firm so being given it was on top of that, not as a consolation prize!

To be clear, I don't think you should blame yourself - just that you sound like you probably would do. At least if you've said something that will be some comfort.

In your place I wouldn't say anything. Your dad is of sound mind and has made his decision. It's wrong and unfair to leave a business and a house to one child, but there is nothing you can do.

I agree with this. You have to say something because otherwise this shit show is going to turn really bad and you are going to blame yourself for having stood by and let it happen.

I could on many occasions have walked away with my parents money, but I didn’t. Greedy bro & sis did though. It was never about the money, it was what they did to my parents that broke me.

A decent sibling would share. But your brother sounds as bad as your mother. I only hope you can have a chat with your dad about the hurt you’re going through. Although he doesn’t sound like he’s in a good place with his grief. I’d suspect he’s being bullied into this. Just like your mother bullied your dad into it.

I agree and am equally baffled, unless one of the children is a drug addict or has a gambling issue or similar. It's gut wrenchingly cruel and the emotional implications can be lifelong.